AIBU - upset for husband staying at the pub on Boxing Day when we have 2 young children

[Biosblbay]

So today was very last minute, only found out last night we had been invited to go pub (half hour drive away) I didn’t really want to go as I don’t know these people and knew that I would be the one not drinking and driving home so I would find it a little socially awkward being around people I don’t know not having a drink. Also just been a very manic few weeks hosting on several occasions, lots of travelling to see family (both from broken families that don’t live close by). I am just exhausted. Our children are aged 3 and a baby 5 months. So after my husband had a few beers he decided he was going to stay longer. I have got a bit upset by this as I have always thought Boxing Day to be a family day, I explained this to him but he doesn’t seem to care. He had a night out arranged on Sunday which is fine, it’s been planned in advance, but his excuse for staying out today is that he won’t go out Sunday now. But I am more upset but the fact I have had to drive home with the kids, house is a mess, this wasn’t planned and now I am alone with them on Boxing Day without their dad. This has greatly upset me and I would like to know if I am being unreasonable here by being upset by this. Thank you in advance.

I wouldn’t have gone in the first place. YANBU. I would have a drink yourself so you can’t collect the wanker.

Sounds like he doesn’t value you or the kids
Time for a frank conversation about priorities

@Bigtreeesss this isn’t the first thing he has done. I have had many of those chats before. You should read some of my previous posts. I think I have had enough of his behaviour now. It has been non stop since I was pregnant with my first born

I’m sorry OP, that is crappy behaviour. Are you confident he’ll stick to his agreement not to go out on Sunday though? You need to decide where your line in the sand is if he decides to renege on that promise, otherwise you’re heading for a lifetime of him prioritising his wants over family life.

I know this isn't the point, but "Go pub"?

He should have told you sooner and he should have just gone by himself for a couple of hours.
I wouldn’t have been bothered about DH doing this (not the late notice bit) but I would have stayed at home and chilled with the DC for a while and then he’d have been home after a few hours and I’d have had a nap while he was with the DC or we’d have had some family time.
I’m guessing this is the latest in a line of selfish behaviour from this man. Do you need to give yourself and your DC a New Years present of LTB?

Nope it isnt the point and yet you did. I find people tend to nit pick other people's grammar or accent etc if they are a little insecure and need to feel like they are better than other people. Should mumsnet make a wall where you have to have a certain level of grammar to pass to be allowed to post? Maybe go to the pedant's corner or resolve to make this an inclusive place where people can post regardless of their level of education or the way they write?

@BennyHenny I reckon he would not go out on Sunday as soooo much needs to be done at home and he goes back to work soon so he needs to pull his finger out but I am not expecting him to be home this afternoon as he promised, however I also don’t want him coming home drunk when the children are still awake

No it’s isn’t

dont be so patronising

@VickyEadieofThigh if it is my grammar you are judging here please remember I have typed this post is rage and frustration with two very young children. This has just happened so grammar is the least of my worries right now. @ToelessPobble thank you for your comment. It’s funny because I actually am pretty well educated, have a full time job working for the government and earn my own living, but some people are just so sad to point out these things in a time when someone is so down and struggling with home life.

For all they know English could be your second language which would mean your English writing is amazing

is oppressive to correct people’s grammar

on the point of your husband he sounds incredibly selfish and you are the default parent

You must have Kk own before today tou have married a jerk?

@Mapleleaf114 it started when I was pregnant with our first born. Got worse with my second. I thought it would get better with age or him having children but it hasn’t really

No it really hasn’t

Get rid of the loser. Then he can spend every day drinking himself stupid. As he clearly is.

Sorry, definitely didnt mean you aren't educated, I often say im off t' pub 🤣 But it doesnt matter if people have several PHDs or didnt finish school or are too exhausted to string a sentence together to make much sense or have English as a swxond, third or fourth language, it doesnt determine their worth or whether their view is valid. Which yours completely is. Dont pick him up from the pub! Sofa and movie as much as possible!

@Suusue don’t get me wrong, I get he is entitled to nights out drinking with friends, just like I have the very rare blow out myself, but it is how it has ended up today and of all days being the day after Christmas. I just feel like I have been dumped. But I do worry he will come home drunk when my children are both still awake which he said he would be home round about now. My nights are different though, I make sure all children are fed, bathed and put to bed before I go out (I even cook for my husband just out of guilt that I am going out) but I just get left last minute on a day that’s supposed to be about family. It’s hurt me quite a bit. But yes, I am at the point now I think divorcing him would be the healthy and best option after everything that has happened. Thank you

I don't think he wants to change..........but unfortunately he has to; that's the consequences of having kids I'm afraid. You're going to have to spell it out for him.

YABu getting upset instead of standing your ground and telling the selfish prick that he doesn’t get to make a decision to neglect his parenting duties on a whim.

The late notice would annoy me but I wouldn’t mind him being out on Boxing Day in general. Until recently for me it was a day to go to the football so not a family day.
However it’s not ok for him to just decide that last minute- as a minimum he should have said ‘would you be ok if…’

So he is out without children for 2 days in the holiday. Which days have you planned out for you?

I would be really upset by this too, I have two little ones very similar in age!

I think THIS is the point, not your opening post.

On it's own, my answer would be different from the answer WITH this context.

You need to put your foot down. Otherwise he’ll think he can get away with anything and you’ll just suck it up and carry on.

Past behaviour is usually a good indicator of future behaviour. Unless you stand firm - or leave - this will be your life.

Please tell me you are not a financially dependent SAHP… But if you are, in your shoes I would take steps to become self-sufficient, so you’ll have choices.

I was married to someone who starting behaving like that when our first was born - he got worse and worse and would make me feel like rubbish asking him to spend time with us rather than with even randoms at any pub anywhere. I lasted until children were 3 and 6 then divorced him. He just decided to not do family life which is his loss! I’ve am amazing relationship with the children and he really doesn’t.