Shouldn't I have asked for details of random friend staying?

[w1azrdingabout12345]

My OH has a friend who is coming to stay over in January, totally fine. She wants to bring a friend over to stay too, I said fine. But we have a 7 month old baby and I said we need to find out details on this friend, ie, their name who they are how long she's know them, their gender?
OH has had the convo with the friend who is giving the details but is questioning why we need to know and making it very awkward.

Am I being unreasonable with asking?

Just to say we don't know this friend she is bringing at all

You're asking because strangers in your home can be a big risk and more so with having a baby there. Of course you want info about them.

I personally don't have strangers stay in my home.

Perhaps your wording is just a bit off but I don't really understand why having a 7 month baby, who is presumably with you the vast majority of the time, is relevant. Would you not be fussed about these details if you had a 1 year old, or 3 year old, or 5 year old? Or no baby at all? I suppose I'd want to know someone's name if they were going to stay with me (and if it was something like Sam I'd clarify whether they were a man or a woman) but I'm not sure what you're actually going up do with this information?

You arent aren’t a hotel. Even without a child in the house I wouldn’t allow a complete a stranger to stay in my house without knowing a bit about them in advance.

She’s being pretty rude, and quite frankly, odd.

No way would I have a stranger stay in my home with my children

I wouldn’t let a stranger stay, baby or not. Is this the friend’s partner or what’s the relationship?
why are they staying? Visiting or homeless or somewhere in between?
have you agreed how long they can stay?

I also think you're being very generous allowing a stranger to stay in the first place in your home. If it's causing issues, I'm sure there is a premier inn close by!

Message her and say things are fraught with new baby etc and feel it better if you get a b n b and we will meet for coffee

Either you are happy to have this guest or you are not

knowing these details won’t make the slightest bit of difference

How did you ask? If someone was bringing a friend, I’d phrase it like ‘oh great! Tell me a bit about them!’. Surely this would lead to a response like ‘it’s Jane, my friend from school/work/gym, she’s a teacher and so much fun’ or ‘It’s Jane, an old childhood friend. She’s getting divorced so thought a little trip would do her good. She’s a PA but has a bit of holiday time.’ Then you could ask a couple follow up questions. Surely that’s a normal way of asking/telling? I mean I wouldn’t be asking ‘ok but I need to know exactly how long you’ve known this person, what gender do they identify as and what do they do and their history with kids’.
But basic info seems a given!

You are not being remotely unreasonable.

As others have said, you do not have random strangers to stay in your home!

Is friend coming to see you or use your home as a base for something?

Friend is cheeky for thinking you’d be ok with it!

Say you aren’t comfortable with a stranger in your home!

I’d at least want to know name, sex & how long she’s known them. And that’s without having kids.

If gender identity came into it that would be a whole other problem & I’d suggest the person stayed elsewhere since we’d probably have very different views on women’s rights.

I'd want to know but it'd have nothing to do with the baby.

They're hardly likely to say 'Oh yes, they eat 3 kids a day'.

Absolutely, me neither.

Thanks for replies. She is just staying overnight - has left a garage worth of her stuff here for the last five years so we are really hoping she takes it all with her. I read the messages and he just asked for a bit more details like name, how they know each other and said that we have never had strangers come to stay in the house before. It just got awkward as she started bringing up criminals etc....

We will let her stay lol but I'll be extra cautious I think whilst here. I have honestly never had this situation come up before in life

So what do you intend to do with that info once you have it? It doesn't change anything.

Nothing unreasonable about wanting some info on a stranger you're allowing to stay at your house.

I can see how the friend might have felt a bit awkward about being asked certain details though. Maybe they assumed you'd trust them not to bring a maniac to stay with their friend's family, and all the questions are making them feel like you don't.

What do you mean you hope she takes it with her? Have you asked her to move it?

Yes. Repeatedly every few months.

That's a good point, I didn't think about that.

Hahah this did make me laugh thank you

It’s one thing extending ‘mia casa, sua casa’ hospitality to her, but YANBU to be miffed if she’s started extending your extended hospitality to her mates. She’s already taking a ‘sua garage, mia storage unit’ attitude to your garage.

but then I’m very, very inhospitable.

Hah, so she's a dyed in the wool cheeky fucker. She can hire a van and move her stuff into paid storage like most people do. No wonder she has no understanding of how unreasonable she's being about you asking for more details about this friend. I'd withdraw the invitation and tell her she and her friend can stay in a hotel and she needs to clear her stuff from the garage or you'll be taking it to the dump. You're up to your eyes with the baby and your capacity for entertaining adults who take advantage has evaporated over the last year.

I would be more annoyed about using yourll as a storage facility. You have a baby, you need to know who is in your home. She has turned this around because she’s used to feeling entitled with your home- her storage and now being offended at bringing a stranger to your house. The audacity!

This is a bit daft at the start.😂 The 7 month baby is relevant because they have one. It’s the context prompting the issue. If they had the 1 or 5 year old of your example they’d be relevant too, but they don’t, so they’re not. The implication remains ‘I am uncomfortable about a stranger being in my house around my child in a way which I wouldn't be/ is way stronger than. if it was just a stranger in my house around my possessions’