Shouldn't I have asked for details of random friend staying?

[w1azrdingabout12345]

My OH has a friend who is coming to stay over in January, totally fine. She wants to bring a friend over to stay too, I said fine. But we have a 7 month old baby and I said we need to find out details on this friend, ie, their name who they are how long she's know them, their gender?
OH has had the convo with the friend who is giving the details but is questioning why we need to know and making it very awkward.

Am I being unreasonable with asking?

She’s inconsiderate enough to leave the OP storing her stuff for 5 years so who knows.

OP - don’t “hope” she take it. Say “we need the space can you move it all by the end of January please”

As your kid gets older you’ll need space for bikes, sledges, paddling pools etc etc etc. Be assertive!!

This post nails it. I would withdraw the invitation - make up an excuse if you must, eg baby is going through a growth spurt / not sleeping phase and you’re just not able to have overnight guests at the moment, and she must collect her stuff otherwise you’ll be booking a skip to dump it all and sending her the skip invoice.

What do you mean she brought up criminals?
Quite frankly OP, boundaries have been blurred. Tell her directly she has to look for alternative accommodation for herself and this friend. If your OH is kicking up a fuss tell him to take a hike as well. You are not obliged to house people you are not comfortable with. Who is that friend to your OH? How are they connected?

She’s upset because you’ve destroyed her image of you and your DH. There she was thinking you were doormats who never made a squeak of protest, and now you’ve gone and asked questions when she’s told you what she’s doing.

You’re being completely reasonable asking for details of the friend. Most normal people would be more than happy to explain a bit more (“She’s an old friend from uni”, “He’s my boyfriend. He works for X and lives in Y” etc).

However, you’re being unreasonable to allow your garage to be used as her personal storage unit. Tell her you assume she’s coming to take all her crap away, and when she says No, then say you need the garage/are knocking it down/setting up a home business in it/whatever, and her things need to be gone by Jan 31st else they’ll be removed and disposed of.

i wouldn’t let her stay in your house now either after she’s been so rude and entitled.

And be sure to communicate the need for the removal of the stored items in writing, referring to your multiple previous requests she remove the stuff over the past 5 years that have gone unactioned by her. Give her 2 weeks to sort it and after that the stuff will be got rid of.

This! I wouldn’t have anyone I didn’t know staying in my home, regardless of any children . It would be a flat “No, there’s a Premier Inn down the road, you cheeky fucker”.

Right, so the fact the baby is 7 months is completely irrelevant. She could have just said - I feel uncomfortable having a stranger around my child. It was the way it was worded 'But I have a 7 month baby...' as a sentence starter, as though both the baby and its age was why she couldn't possibly host.

What do you get out of this relationship?

Is she a steadfast friend, a brilliant laugh, super thoughtful and helpful, a considerate gift buyer, generous with her time, someone your life would be far worse without?

I think you’re focusing unnecessarily on the fact she’s given the age of her baby which changes in the grammatically perfect sense, the logical structure of the sentence, when she’s probably just used to talking about her baby, and we all understood anyway that she is a bit worried about a stranger around her kid without having a few more details, and that the age has nothing to do with it :) merry christmas

You don’t know this extra person. I would not let them stay personally.

Why did you say fine in the first place? It's not fine. I wouldn't care who the friend is or how long she's known the friend, I absolutely would not allow a stranger in my house - ESPECIALLY with a child in it. You are unreasonable for saying they could stay in the first place. Rescind the invitation would be my advice. They can pay for a hotel.

Your OH’s friend is the unreasonable one not bring open about whom she wants to bring to your home.

it’s your home!

Frankly, I’d be saying No because of her entitlement.

Why the fuck are you storing her stuff for yrs on end? She's obviously a CF. I wouldn't let her stay, she can use the money she's saved on storage to pay for a hotel.

Yes, hence why I started with something like 'it might just be the way you worded it'. I agree it's probably irrelevant, it just read a bit PFB.

Is it so you can Google them? Otherwise I don't know what difference knowing their name makes. And if you do google them and don't find anything that doesn't mean anything. Either let them stay or don't. But knowing rudimentary details won't make a difference, surely, it's still someone you have never met?

You see, if I was your OH's friend I would have been saying something like 'is it OK if I bring X she/he is my friend from Uni/lover/cousin, whatever.......' we can share a room/bed etc.
But of course your OH, being a bloke, didn't think to ask whereas if you'd been in conversation with her you would naturally have done if she hadn't offered the info.
Do you at least know what bed/room arrangements are needed ?
The garage storage is something else and I would expect OH to make it very clear there needs to be a set in stone end.

I'm puzzled why having 7 month old baby is relevant really.

Have you asked her if she is collecting her stuff? If not, why not? Tell her to bring boxes as you need the space back.

Sounds like you need to get a bit more forceful. Tell your friend she HAS to take her stuff with her. We all know how just “hoping” will end up….

You’re not a hotel, so therefore you won’t be putting them up for the night.

You're doing her the favour. I'm if she doesn't like the questions she is always free to stay in a hotel. Sounds very entitled between the reluctance to answer questions and using your house for long term storage!

why don’t you just shift her stuff from storage to the room they’re staying in, with the wide eyed “oh I thought that’s why you were coming to take your stuff, the storage already has other stuff in it now!”

Why have you still got all of their stuff?

make sure you send a message before their stay saying “you’ll have to make sure you have room to take everything back with you so pack lightly!”

She's never going to take her stuff as after 5 years she obviously doesn't need it but can't be bothered to sort it out or bear to get rid. Give her a deadline then say you're going to dump it. Personally I'd not have a stranger staying.

Is friend going to leave the friend they're bringing with you too as well as a garage full of stuff?

Why would you allow yourself to be used for free storage for a garage full of stuff for years? You have a kid, you pay for that space in your rent or mortgage, but you can't use it because some asshole has dumped their shit there for 5 years. You have a hoard of someone else's stuff. That's nuts.

I'd give them a month's notice to pick it up or it's gone. Send via mail they need to sign for and email as well as verbal.