‘Donating to charity’ rather than giving Xmas gifts to grandchildren

[Dongdingmerrily]

What do we think of this? That’s what my kids are told they are being ‘given’ by my DH’s parents for the past few years.

I agree with this!

Id ask them to donate to a charity they oppose and your kids support and see what they say. I hope they put the child’s name on the donation rather than their own (and possibly claiming tax relief depending on how wealthy they are).

But no I would never do this. If they don’t agree with small gifts and clutter they could donate to a school trip or for school books or university savings. It is hard for kids to get on the property ladder now and university costs are high - unless these are all taken care of I think it would be more charitable to give your own family opportunities.

Gifts are one way of creating connection between people.

Unless the grandparents and grandkids already had a close and connected relationship, I would assume the grandparents weren't interested in their grandkids.

Everyone with half a brain knows that most teens really appreciate a wad of cash in their hands.

Agree.

Stop with giving grandparents gifts- say you've given theirs to charity too as they inspired you. Then give the cash to the teens from granny/grandpa! Im all for charity but local ones and not where the CEO is on £80k+ a year

Yes, this. I find all this charity giving in lieu of gifts terribly performative.

We have previously agreed end of November. among the older generation that we do charity gifts. We only use charities that then send a card or acknowledging the gift. When we meet we exchange envelopes; Ooh it's a goat. or a hive of bees or whatever. We know then that the money has been passed over.
Our siblings and older generation have enough stuff already thanks!

Have you asked yourself why the grandparents do this? Have grandchildren shown any level of gratitude for previous gifts?

There have been threads about kids who never say thank you for anything, not even a basic level of politeness, so gifters pull back. It could be recipients choosing to be rude or parents not teaching them how to behave.....

I think this is awful. Ffs, if they think their grandchildren are spoilt they could buy them a book. But this just says, we can’t be bothered. We simply can’t be bothered with thinking about what you’d like so we’ve chucked a fiver at the poppy seller on our way out of the supermarket last month and called it your Christmas gift!

I would absolutely be returning the energy!

I would be asking the teens to chat to the grandparents about the choice of charity and ‘conversationally’ put up some suggestions of the charities they would prefer since it’s their gift. Also return the same energy and donate their gift from your family to a charity but provide the evidence you have done so.

Someone giving to charity has nothing to do with deciding to buy someone a gift or not. They are just prioritising one over the other.

Exactly this .
It is mean , they’re just kids for Gods sake & it’s Christmas.
Passing off donations to charity as gifts to kids is really lame .

Just tell them 'what a coincidence! We've also donated to charity instead of buying you presents!'.

You can then spend the money you've saved on buying your teens another gift.

We've done charity gifts for our own kids when they were younger. Not instead of other presents though. Once to sponsor hearing puppy training and once to sponsor a wild animal they like. Both times they got a related soft toy and regular updates in the post.

Giving to charity on your grandkids behalf without thinking of their interests and without providing evidence is not really on. Most teens are happy with chocolate and money from grandparents if they don't know what to buy.

I think it’s fine to say that you don’t want to receive gifts and so please donate to the charity of your choice.
I don’t think it’s fine the other way round.

I would also expect to choose the specific charity at the very least.

YANBU - my Nan doesn't buy any xmas presents anymore because she has too many grandchildren to buy for, it would cost her a fortune. She does do birthday presents. I got her a gift but she didn't ask for one.

It just sounds to me like they don't know what to buy them which is fine but just give them cash then? Or if it's similar to my Nan's situation where there's a lot of them just say they're not doing gifts at all and don't want any in return. I would also want to choose the charity if someone was doing that on my behalf!

That’s totally shit. I don’t understand how it’s a gift to your children. It’s basically a ‘fuck you we’ve decided to give our money to Oxfam instead of our grandkids’. What is being ‘given’ to your children which represents the gift element? Other than a sense that their grandparents don’t give a flying fuck about them.

I think you’re being being passive about this - and I get why - the optics of getting arsey about a donation to a worthy charity might make you look like wanker of the week but I wouldn't care, I’d call them out on it and ask in the sweetest way ‘how is your donation to charity a gift for Ella and Mattie - can you explain to me?’

Id also be inclined to donate theirs to a charity i know they would not agree with just to piss them off 🤪

I founded and run a Charity. So PIL give ££ to a different, religious charity instead for all our Xmas and Bday presents. BIL gets lavish gifts. People are so fucking weird.

Virtue signalling bullshit. That is what that is.

“Dear Granny and Grandpa, than you very much for the donation to charity on our behalf. Please can you let me know which charity it is [as we are doing charity project at school and I would love to tell the class about the charity that we have been supporting for [x] years].”

Im surprised by the responses on here, surely its up to them what they do with their money? No one should expect a gift, family or otherwise. Christmas seems so entitled now with peoples gift expectations sky high. I appreciate gifts but dont expect them and have raised my kids the same. I think its fine but clearly im in the minority!

Do they come to you for Christmas dinner (or any food over the festive season)? I would say I’ve donated their meals to XXXX charity instead and serve them a bowl of cabbage soup whilst I ate a lovely meal.

I wouldn’t really, but I’d say it to see their reactions!

Of course it’s up to them but it isn’t actually a gift in any way, shape or form. OP’s teens haven’t requested that their Grandparents donate to charity instead so there’s no gift element. If they were passionate about X cause and requested that their grandparents donate to that particular cause instead of giving them a gift, that would be different.