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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Awful Xmas day now this

68 replies

namechangeforthisstory · 26/12/2025 01:16

So Xmas day has been argumentative all day when the kids weren’t around. He never brought me any gifts (I know it’s not about that) but had no thanks of him for his gifts. He had a Xmas card in the side tha he’d brought for the kids to write me. He never asked them to do it but was able to get the kids to do one for his parents and presents. He went to bed at 7:30 as I was watching tv and he didn’t like that as he wanted to watch something. I said watch it on your phone or in the kitchen like I have to normally do. I’ve now just gone to turn the heating up and he’s taken the thermostat of the stand. Is this some sort of abusive behaviour?! Who even takes the thermostat!!!

OP posts:
TheCooperettesShingaLing · 26/12/2025 01:31

Utterly thoughtless of him from time he opened his eyes till the time he closed them.
He could have easily bought you gifts but didn't either because he's incapable of done it to hurt you.
Real nasty piece of work.

beefthief · 26/12/2025 01:37

How long have you been married? Surely you've negotiated or understood expectations for presents by now. Did you go overboard, or has he suddenly given up?

Original poster
namechangeforthisstory · 26/12/2025 02:43

Suddenly given up. Not with standing the fact he’s taken the thermostat so me and the kids are cold even though we’re in bed.

OP posts:
Original poster
namechangeforthisstory · 26/12/2025 02:54

Never go overboard with presents. He had 3 in total which came to around £150.

OP posts:
Puskiesauce · 26/12/2025 03:02

I would have gone and woken him to get it. But I'm guessing from your posts you're unable or unwilling to do that so I hope you all warm up soon. X

Safxxx · 26/12/2025 03:10

Any idea why he all of a sudden has turned into an arse hole...hope you don't have to deal with it longer than necessary.

jetSTAR · 26/12/2025 03:11

He sounds horrible. Why is he like this do you think?

Original poster
namechangeforthisstory · 26/12/2025 03:26

I would wake him to get it but dread the aftermath. I think he’s just become an abusive twat. I have no idea why but he’s always been difficult. But this is a low for him. Saying that it’s not the first time he’s taken the thermostat when we’ve had an argument and I’ve had to work at home in the cold. (500 odd year old farm house so it holds no heat at all)

OP posts:
Timeforanewgame · 26/12/2025 03:38

Deliberately taking the thermostat to punish you is abusive OP.

Can you turn the heating on from the boiler?

Blizzardofleaves · 26/12/2025 04:22

Choisong to ensure you are all cold is abusive.

You can choose to live in a house with your own thermostat. You can buy your own gifts, and not feel disappointed in him anymore. You can watch whatever you like every single night on TV. I’d be leaving. Not dragging this out for another year.

jeremyclarksonsthirdnipple · 26/12/2025 04:34

Make the present you give to yourself count and dump this fucker. Your future self will thank you. Make this the last christmas you have to put up with this abuse. You or your kids do not need this. This will only get worse..don't accept it.

realsavagelike · 26/12/2025 04:38

namechangeforthisstory · 26/12/2025 03:26

I would wake him to get it but dread the aftermath. I think he’s just become an abusive twat. I have no idea why but he’s always been difficult. But this is a low for him. Saying that it’s not the first time he’s taken the thermostat when we’ve had an argument and I’ve had to work at home in the cold. (500 odd year old farm house so it holds no heat at all)

This is appalling. How else is he difficult? I am so lucky to be out the other side of an abusive marriage, so you have my every sympathy.

Roobarbtwo · 26/12/2025 04:39

namechangeforthisstory · 26/12/2025 02:43

Suddenly given up. Not with standing the fact he’s taken the thermostat so me and the kids are cold even though we’re in bed.

That's dreadful. I really hope you get away from him this year. It's horrible controlling upsetting behaviour

You got him 150 pounds worth of presents and he got you nothing?

Fucking arse

Roobarbtwo · 26/12/2025 04:40

Puskiesauce · 26/12/2025 03:02

I would have gone and woken him to get it. But I'm guessing from your posts you're unable or unwilling to do that so I hope you all warm up soon. X

She said she'll get abuse if she does

Farticus101 · 26/12/2025 04:44

He sounds horrible. By taking the thermostat it sounds like he doesn't care about your kids being cold either. Abusive twat.

ChristmasCwtch · 26/12/2025 04:44

There are plenty of awful arseholes mentioned on MN who couldn’t be bothered buying their wife a Christmas gift. Utterly unforgivable in nearly all circumstances!!

But him taking the thermostat to punish you with the cold!!? What a fucking twat. You need to leave him OP. This will never get better.

SunnyKoala · 26/12/2025 05:29

I'm so sorry. If he has so little respect I think it's time to leave. Happy Christmas to you.

Zanatdy · 26/12/2025 05:30

What an arse. Shows how much he values you. Making his kids be cold as he’s in a mood, what an arsehole.

d317 · 26/12/2025 05:33

namechangeforthisstory · 26/12/2025 01:16

So Xmas day has been argumentative all day when the kids weren’t around. He never brought me any gifts (I know it’s not about that) but had no thanks of him for his gifts. He had a Xmas card in the side tha he’d brought for the kids to write me. He never asked them to do it but was able to get the kids to do one for his parents and presents. He went to bed at 7:30 as I was watching tv and he didn’t like that as he wanted to watch something. I said watch it on your phone or in the kitchen like I have to normally do. I’ve now just gone to turn the heating up and he’s taken the thermostat of the stand. Is this some sort of abusive behaviour?! Who even takes the thermostat!!!

Are all christmases similar to this op ?

Horrorscope · 26/12/2025 05:41

Start making plans to have an arsehole-free 2026…

Leftittothelastminute · 26/12/2025 06:01

Can you control the heating from your phone? This is one of the worst posts I’ve read OP and normally don’t jump on the LTB train but I’ll make an exception for this….. you definitely need to consider your options and make 2026 the year to get rid of this abusive man.

Cando6 · 26/12/2025 06:10

If it’s a sudden change then can I be the first to suggest it’s often a sign of someone who’s checked out of the marriage and doing that classic thing of behaving like an arse to justify their decision because they’re not mature or brave enough to use their words.
Can you have a neutral and non confrontational talk with him about why he is acting like someone who despises you? Then take it from there.

k1233 · 26/12/2025 06:55

I don't have a thermostat, but by the fact he can take it does that mean you can buy your own and keep it hidden so the next time he takes it you can use yours and turn up the heat? Then play dumb about how it got to that temp as he had the thermostat didn't he?

Interpink · 26/12/2025 07:13

Two things : if it’s a Hive system you can download the app and control the heating from there.

secondly : it’s over. Get out and stay out. Next Christmas you will be warm and calm and peaceful.

Ponoka7 · 26/12/2025 07:13

You need to start messaging him, or recording phone calls. It's abusive to the children as well as you. It sounds as though things are escalating and it's eventually going to lead to a split. He'll direct harm to the children to punish you and you need evidence.