Page 8 | To be fuming that DH has spent the whole day on his laptop?

Okiedokie123 · 26/12/2025 00:49

I agree that an online affair for all that time in one day also sounds implausible but so does obsessively working from 5am until 8pm.

wheresmymojo · 26/12/2025 00:53

BauhausOfEliott · 26/12/2025 00:34

I’m always amazed at how many Mumsnetters have absolutely zero notion of any jobs being different from those in their own narrow range of life experience.

All the people saying ‘Well unless he’s a police officer / surgeon there’s no way he’d have to work on Christmas Day’ and ‘Nobody with an office job would have to do this’ are really making me laugh. Loads of people have office jobs, at all levels, that might require them to do emergency work on Christmas Day. Do people not realise that if, eg, there’s a cyber attack on Christmas Day, it’s not only the IT people who would need to be working? In reality there would be a whole incident management team working. It could include press officers, comms officers, payroll, HR, facilities, customer service managers, logistics managers. I’ve worked in the comms team in the public sector and ended up working from around 6pm on Boxing Day throughout the entire night until around lunchtime the following day, and that was in connection with an incident that could just as easily have happened on Christmas Day.

The OP obviously won’t say what her husband does or where he works, so we don’t know. But it isn’t actually unfeasible at all that someone with an ordinary office job might have to work on Christmas Day due to an unforeseen incident.

It’s not that we have no imagination but if this were the case why wouldn’t he have said - X is happening, I’m going to be needed to work, I’m so sorry, etc etc?

MissDaisy1982 · 26/12/2025 00:58

I suspect he just wants to steer clear of you and the kids because he finds you all super irritating and he doesn’t want to end up arguing on Christmas Day so he’s avoiding you all

FaceTheReaperCushions · 26/12/2025 00:59

BauhausOfEliott · 26/12/2025 00:34

I’m always amazed at how many Mumsnetters have absolutely zero notion of any jobs being different from those in their own narrow range of life experience.

All the people saying ‘Well unless he’s a police officer / surgeon there’s no way he’d have to work on Christmas Day’ and ‘Nobody with an office job would have to do this’ are really making me laugh. Loads of people have office jobs, at all levels, that might require them to do emergency work on Christmas Day. Do people not realise that if, eg, there’s a cyber attack on Christmas Day, it’s not only the IT people who would need to be working? In reality there would be a whole incident management team working. It could include press officers, comms officers, payroll, HR, facilities, customer service managers, logistics managers. I’ve worked in the comms team in the public sector and ended up working from around 6pm on Boxing Day throughout the entire night until around lunchtime the following day, and that was in connection with an incident that could just as easily have happened on Christmas Day.

The OP obviously won’t say what her husband does or where he works, so we don’t know. But it isn’t actually unfeasible at all that someone with an ordinary office job might have to work on Christmas Day due to an unforeseen incident.

There is no job where it would be absolutely impossible to say "I've got to work today, there has been an incident, I'm so sorry but I don't know how long it will take to fix".

It's also highly unlikely that the person wouldn't be able to stop to eat at all between 5am and 8pm.

And the fact that this whole thing has come as such a shock to his wife would suggest he's not in the sort of job where urgent incidents could happen on Christmas day which require him to work.

Daygloboo · 26/12/2025 01:03

MamaOnTheCoast · 25/12/2025 20:51

I did go in to his home office at one point and he rushed me and the kids out saying we were disturbing him on a teams call/meeting with a colleague.

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Hea havibg an affair or gambling. Just say you dont believe him and leave him.

SnowFrogJelly · 26/12/2025 01:06

Wegovygirl · 25/12/2025 20:48

Screams affair.

This

illsendansostotheworld · 26/12/2025 01:07

MissDaisy1982 · 26/12/2025 00:58

I suspect he just wants to steer clear of you and the kids because he finds you all super irritating and he doesn’t want to end up arguing on Christmas Day so he’s avoiding you all

I agree

Nopersbro · 26/12/2025 01:24

My first thought was espionage, too - thinking of how in The Americans, Stan first figured out that Elizabeth and Philip were deep cover KGB agents because they claimed they had to go on a business trip on Thanksgiving Day, leaving their children behind.

Seriously, imagine that he somehow really DID, completely unexpectedly, have to work from 5AM to 9PM or later on Christmas Day. How could he NOT understand that his wife and young children would be disappointed by this? And how could he NOT find ten minutes to explain what he knows about the situation and let his wife, at least, get a better idea of what to expect so that she can regulate the situation a bit for this children? I call shenanigans.

blueumbrella2016 · 26/12/2025 01:45

This better not be a troll post...

Jonnyenglish · 26/12/2025 02:03

FaceTheReaperCushions · 26/12/2025 00:59

There is no job where it would be absolutely impossible to say "I've got to work today, there has been an incident, I'm so sorry but I don't know how long it will take to fix".

It's also highly unlikely that the person wouldn't be able to stop to eat at all between 5am and 8pm.

And the fact that this whole thing has come as such a shock to his wife would suggest he's not in the sort of job where urgent incidents could happen on Christmas day which require him to work.

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security / espionage etc

Jonnyenglish · 26/12/2025 02:05

wheresmymojo · 26/12/2025 00:53

It’s not that we have no imagination but if this were the case why wouldn’t he have said - X is happening, I’m going to be needed to work, I’m so sorry, etc etc?

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because depending on the job / role even telling your partner is a risk, imagine a high alert mi5 mission and your partner then says x is happening in the field and mi5 is needed and all officers are operational active ready etc and then the wife or husband then lets slip to a friend they know about oh my other half was working on that etc and so on, the butterfly effect

mikulkin · 26/12/2025 02:13

Why is everyone assuming he is not working? I worked at least in 2 jobs which required me to work on Christmas Day - both senior office based jobs. If he is closing deal in country which doesn’t celebrate Christmas (and there are plenty of them - not only Middle East), oversees any such countries or if he heads up operations, nothing stops at Christmas. If he is senior he has to work, nobody checks on him but he has to handle it.
I love it how the whole mumsnet just assumed he is gambling, having affair or avoiding family without having any info about his job,
he should have communicated better and tried at least appear for part of Christmas dinner but have some mercy - he woke up at 5 am on Christmas Day to work, something must have happened.

Bankiebabe · 26/12/2025 02:22

He is having an affair

Flyingintotheunknown · 26/12/2025 02:27

Is he usually this emotionally unavailable and avoidant and hell bent on ruining special days op?

once he’s asleep I’d be straight in that office checking his browsing history to see what he’s been up to because I’m pretty sure it’s not work! There’s something he’s doing on that laptop that he doesn’t want you to know about hence why he’s rushing you out of the room and telling you not to disturb him.

As pp suggested it could be an affair or some sort of addiction but no employer is going to expect him to work all day from 5am on Christmas Day. He doesn’t sound extremely avoidant to me, like he’s avoiding spending family time with you. Even if it’s an affair like some people are saying, you’d still expect him to be at least sat at the table for Xmas dinner. What a selfish, self centred little prick! Id be making sure he got the same treatment on his birthday!

Jonnyenglish · 26/12/2025 02:29

does anyone consider the security services ? Afterall we have various intelligence agencies across the uk and the world and mostly they likely are staffed with N,O,C people ?

FairKoala · 26/12/2025 03:34

He is either really bad at his job or he has been redistributing the company funds into his own account and has to do some creative accounting so he isn’t found out or he is gambling or watching porn or he is having an affair.
Every possibility equals divorce.

Knew someone who took briefcase and did work throughout his honeymoon

Marrriage lasted a few days . Bride flew home and left him to work in the honeymoon suite. He seemed so surprised when he eventually did get back and found out his wife had left him and the marriage was over

Came as even a greater shock when he had to sell their home and split everything up.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 26/12/2025 03:47

He’s avoiding you all

Roobarbtwo · 26/12/2025 04:42

Daygloboo · 26/12/2025 01:03

Hea havibg an affair or gambling. Just say you dont believe him and leave him.

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How does being on a laptop all day equate to having an affair?

Roobarbtwo · 26/12/2025 04:44

Jonnyenglish · 26/12/2025 02:03

security / espionage etc

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He works an office based job. How is that espionage?

Roobarbtwo · 26/12/2025 04:45

MamaOnTheCoast · 25/12/2025 20:41

DH has spent the whole day on his laptop “working” in his home office and he hasn’t even seen me and the DC all day! He was up at 5am (the kids woke up at 6am) and he is still in his home office “working” now so we haven’t seen him all day! He even refused Christmas dinner as he said he was “too busy working”. DH does a senior office based job and he wasn’t meant to be working at all over Christmas but he is saying he apparently has to work today “because it’s urgent”! It’s Christmas Day and we haven’t seen him all day and DH can’t see the problem with this! The kids are really upset about it too! AIBU to be livid with DH over this? DH literally doesn’t see the problem but I’m fuming and the kids are upset too!

He's a tosser. When people show you who they really are - take heed. You have foster kids yes. Kids who probably have had tough enough lives to date?

Awful human being. Disgraceful

YourMintTraybake · 26/12/2025 04:58

DreamTheMoors · 25/12/2025 23:44

There was no such thing as the internet when I was little.
My dad hated Christmas - so he started drinking early and would sit in the living room and watch tv and drink and we were warned not to bother him.
This happened every year.

I mean f**k the little kids, Daddy has a problem coping today so we’re going to indulge him year after year after year AFTER YEAR…

All because of some stupid gift he got his mother that she didn’t like and therefore poor Daddy was traumatised the rest of his life.

MASSIVE EYEROLL.

Things like this make me so angry

Hope your Christmas days are better now

Mumtobabyhavoc · 26/12/2025 05:09

It doesn't matter how important his job is. He is not engaged with his family. The children. At Christmas.

Moulook31 · 26/12/2025 05:15

Sure he isn’t secretly playing computer games?

Roobarbtwo · 26/12/2025 05:19

Moulook31 · 26/12/2025 05:15

Sure he isn’t secretly playing computer games?

For 13 hours straight?

ChristmasCwtch · 26/12/2025 05:23

He’s not working, he’s hiding.
Are you sure he wants to be a foster parent?