Upset dh didn't get me a proper present

[Bumblebeeblue]

So I have been gifted a few things, hence aibu. They are just small generic items i.e a couple of pairs of socks, chocolate and something that he hastily wrapped this morning ( an item I'd already been shown as something he'd bought for the house). We usually get each other good quality thoughtful things. I just feel like such a mug as I've bought multiple well thought out presents. I haven't even been able to fake being okay about it. I'm dreading seeing relatives now as I just find it so embarrassing that they will ask what we got. Prior to Christmas he'd got a few small treats for me as an advent. I just hadn't realised they were my gift. It's the lack of thought and planning that's upsetting me. Even saying all this I wonder if I'm just being spoilt.

I am now collecting myself to put a brave face on and stop being childish though

Just be honest with relatives and tell them what he has bought you.
I think communication is key. If you want big presents then tell him.

How do you think he would feel if you did the same to him?

YANBU. It sucks and feels so disappointing when your OH just clearly can't be arsed.

My DH got me nothing one year. A absolutely nothing. Not even a gift from our 3 kids. He has been skating on very thin ice since then. I was furious and boy did he find out! I felt like such a twat when my family asked what he got me and I had to say nothing.

If they ask what he got you then just say socks. If they think he is a dick for not trying then let them think that.

Have you got children in the home? Because really, Christmas is for them. Get your big girl pants on.

You didn't buy your thoughtful gifts for others, just in order to get gifts back. So this shouldn't matter.

Talk to your DH in a couple if days. Maybe he's got different priorities this year, stuff going on. Tell him how you're feeling. Try and agree which page your on and meet in the middle.

For today, honestly, leave it.

Do you perhaps need to give him more of a steer as to what to get you?

I knew he was going to say he hadn’t got me a gift as he’d been ill. I’ve told him to give me an Amazon e-voucher so I can get some books for my Kindle. Not upset but if anyone asks what I got I will tell the truth.

People here amaze me sometimes OP.
You are basically being told it is your fault that your husband doesn’t know he should buy you a nice christmas present.
Christ on a bike.
Of course he should get you decent presents if that has always been your modus operandi.
I would tell relatives what he bought you if they ask and let him feel uncomfortable. It isn’t up to you to do his PR.
You can also ask him directly if he wants to stop giving each other presents or just give small tokens in future so that you know for next year.
Then if so buy yourself the present you want with the money you would have spent on him.

Me and my dh didn’t get each other presents this year because we are saving for a holiday. I actually couldn’t care less. As long as the kids are happy I’m not bothered. Dinner and wine is what I’m looking forward to

You got gift.
I got nothing and it doesn’t bother me.
Just go online and treat yourself to something you really want.
Make it your Christmas gift to yourself.
You could put a £1 a day away till next year and then as you sit down next year go online and order something.

My husband and I have an agreement not to buy 'thoughtful" or "surprise" gifts. Too many miss the mark and end up as junk.

If your husband is an otherwise loving and good husband, I suspect he feels similarly about the "thoughtful" gifts you are buying for him.

You need to have an honest discussion about expectations, but not today. Leave it until after Christmas.

Most of the Christmas presents I receive (including the "thoughtful" ones) I could easily live without.

If I want something, I buy it. No need to wait for someone else to give it to me (or not) on Christmas Day.

He must have realised you were disappointed. Have you said anything to him?

If you are still upset when relatives ask later on - you could always go passive aggressive and say 'DH decided we'd just do a couple of token gifts this year but didnt tell me, showing me instead'

We usually get each other good quality thoughtful things.

If this is a really different from what normally happens are there any other changes in his behaviour?

Well that works for the both of you but this thread is about the OP

Be honest with family right in front of him “yeah, Dave got me a pair of socks which is really shitty and disappointing. I got him some Creed aftershave and a designer shirt, didn’t I Dave?” Let him feel uncomfortable, don’t you dare take on his shame! He should feel absolutely mortified!

Great idea!

Nothing adds to the family Christmas spirit like a dose of passive-aggresion! I bet the family will be glad they invited you to get the party going! 🤣

What did he buy you "as an advent"?

DH and I never buy each other Christmas gifts, just facilitate token things from the kids. There’s a pretty big difference though between something that is mutually agreed, expected and equal, and where we both know that it doesn’t reflect our feelings for each other, and what’s happened to OP. Don’t belittle her hurt by suggesting she should just enjoy dinner!

How does he usually manage to get thoughtful gifts? Do you usually guide him towards them or does he select them himself?
Have you reached a point of thoughtful gifts having run out? I never quite understand fully when people say about wanting something thoughtful, as this varies from person to person e.g. I got some ferrero rochet from my DH, to me that is thoughtful as I don't normally buy them, though it is only chocolate. The other gifts I got where ones I ordered myself.

I mean even thinking about my own kids, the gifts they get in their stockings I run out of ideas on as anything 'thoughtful' I have done previously and we often end up with the same things like gloves, sweets, puzzle book.

Just agree no presents for each other moving forward and book a day out / activity to do together or buy yourself something .

Do you feel loved throughout the rest of the year? Is he usually attentive and caring?

I find that people don't mind shit gifts so much when the person is usually loving and caring. Some people just don't set much store by gifts. But when someone is distant and uncaring generally, it becomes particularly hurtful when they couldn't do even this much, as it really isn't hard to do.

Can you clarify the advent bits? Were those gifts that involved thought and planing? Things you really enjoyed?

😂 Just because you accept nothing from your partner does not mean OP should have to save her own money to buy herself a gift fo Christmas… what low standards you have. What a gift - to save, source, buy and wrap anything you get.

If this is his only misdemeanour you are being very childish and unreasonable imo.

Why is it embarrassing for you that your husband didn't get you any gifts? If anyone asks don't you just tell the truth and if they want to bring it up with him they will.

You say he normally does OK so it's not like you need to be embarrassed for marrying a generally useless human