Upset dh didn't get me a proper present

[Bumblebeeblue]

So I have been gifted a few things, hence aibu. They are just small generic items i.e a couple of pairs of socks, chocolate and something that he hastily wrapped this morning ( an item I'd already been shown as something he'd bought for the house). We usually get each other good quality thoughtful things. I just feel like such a mug as I've bought multiple well thought out presents. I haven't even been able to fake being okay about it. I'm dreading seeing relatives now as I just find it so embarrassing that they will ask what we got. Prior to Christmas he'd got a few small treats for me as an advent. I just hadn't realised they were my gift. It's the lack of thought and planning that's upsetting me. Even saying all this I wonder if I'm just being spoilt.

What kind of things does he normally get you?

I would say “he wrapped me a couple of token presents but I’m sure he’ll be buying me a proper present in the new year sales” and make him!!!

But this post isn't about you or what you normally do, it's about OP feeling upset.

I get the opposite- not that much help or thoughtful gestures throughout the year , but always amazingly thoughtful and lovely Xmas presents which he really puts thought into - this year I got a brand new burgundy version of one of my favourite circa 2015 bravissimo dresses which he managed to get off eBay - some lovely perfume that he used to buy me 25 years ago, a lovely fantasie knickers and bra set, a book I mentioned back in March and some lovely bits from Rituals that I love and use all year .. personally I wouldn’t mind a bit less and a bit more domestically during the year

Thank you for all the replies. I understand some have replied from the perspective of what is normal for them. I do also appreciate some get nothing or very little as standard. However this is not usually the case, we didn't discuss changing our normal habits therefore I went ahead and got gifts as normal.

To those saying what I think of as thoughtful may just be more stuff, this is also not the case. I'm actually very aware of not adding endless tat so presents I buy for everyone are something I either know is wanted/ needed or an experience type voucher or similar thing that is good quality and can be used.

We've had years of course when one of us has met the mark more than the other. This year however he got the socks and chocs as stocking fillers and a gift for under the tree from our child. Therefore really he just chose not to get me a present. He's described it as an oversight and apologised after I'd told him I was upset, but it just feels it is so easy to go online and buy a voucher for something if he'd suddenly realised he hadn't actually got a present.

Christmas is about children but really I planned and bought all those things too.

I wouldn't do anything passive aggressive, I haven't ruined the day, but it was difficult to accept and was really upsetting. Luckily noone asked about our gifts today.

I knew he'd been disorganised this year so I honestly expected maybe a bottle of perfume or something generic like that rather than the usual more thoughtful gifts. This would've seemed acceptable.

I had suggested a present a short while ago, it was something kind of big but I'd suggested second hand so it wasn't extravagant but he should've known from this I had some form of gift in mind.

The advent things before were really for our child although really thoughtful and nice.

I've got different things before ranging from tickets for a show, small holidays to nice pjs, practical but needed shoes etc always a nice gift of some kind though.

I do also realise that on the scale of things this is insignificant, but it is an upsetting and unpleasant occurrence

I think he would be upset, but I would've rectified it by buying a ticket or arranging an outing instantly so he had a gift. If I suggested this reverse now though I imagine he'd say he wouldn't mind.

I think this is probably it. It's not difficult to buy a voucher for something is it? If you really can't think of something.

It seems to me from Mumsnet that most men don’t realise that their female partners would like to be listened to throughout the year and a few thoughtful gifts bought based on that listening. They don’t seem to consider Xmas gifts as an important way to show they care but either a chore or something to ignore. So either we need to spell this out to them in October, or just do what they do and get them socks.

As a family we have agreed (for years now) not to spend more than a tenner and buy second hand if possible (apart from for the kids obvs). If you spend more that’s your choice. I got my hubby a new T-shirt, he got me my fave posh chocs. Thrilled. We both forgot to get each other something from our son cos it’s just extra work and we’re grown ups now.

When anyone asks what he got you say, “tell them, Dave”. Let him be the one that’s embarrassed about it. Make sure he feels the consequences of his lack of effort.

Well, if people ask what he bought you, tell them the truth. If he’s been ridiculously stingy and thoughtless that’s his embarrassment, not yours. Might make him feel awkward enough to pull his finger out next time, eh?

This was me this morning but he is always rubbish with gifts he has got slightly better but not great. I can tell him / show him what I want and he will still get it wrong so I am going to tell him we aren’t buying each other gifts in future as I always put so much thought in to everyone gifts I do all the Christmas shopping as I enjoy it and it’s deflating getting crap i don’t want every year and it’s hard pretending to be thrilled in front of young adult dc. I would rather just buy my own stuff but he seems to get offended if I buy stuff for him to wrap up for me

Of course gifts are important, otherwise it’s just another day.

I cook dinner the other 364 days a year. I see family often. Gifts are what makes Christmas more special, both giving and receiving.

That’s the case for you maybe . I don’t cook a regular dinner on Christmas I cook one that is out of the ordinary for us and enjoy spending time and talking with family on Christmas over dinner, that’s my favourite part. I did give gifts to my children and had a kk with my parents and for me that is enough. A focus on receiving gifts is pretty juvenile in my opinion. Not everyone has that view.

My DH did this one year, I was so upset. I made sure he was aware of it and didnt lie about what I got if others asked. He had actually gone to buy my present, then had a doubt over my shoe size and didnt bother going back to get them. Just showed a lack of giving a shit. He has been much better since and was always good before. I think lack of bothering was definitely in line with a lack of a decent marriage at that point. Things are a lot better now.