Upset dh didn't get me a proper present

[Bumblebeeblue]

So I have been gifted a few things, hence aibu. They are just small generic items i.e a couple of pairs of socks, chocolate and something that he hastily wrapped this morning ( an item I'd already been shown as something he'd bought for the house). We usually get each other good quality thoughtful things. I just feel like such a mug as I've bought multiple well thought out presents. I haven't even been able to fake being okay about it. I'm dreading seeing relatives now as I just find it so embarrassing that they will ask what we got. Prior to Christmas he'd got a few small treats for me as an advent. I just hadn't realised they were my gift. It's the lack of thought and planning that's upsetting me. Even saying all this I wonder if I'm just being spoilt.

If he’s normally a good gift giver, then I don’t think upset on this scale is justified - everyone has off years where they just can’t think of anything.

It’s ok to be disappointed and to show that. I’d be saying to family when asked , don’t try to cover for him

I’d be disappointed as well op. Let it go for today but have a chat with him tomorrow about it. Try to remain calm and just let him know you are disappointed at the lack of effort. You are entitled to a reaction, not sure why other people on here think you need to ok with thoughtless behaviour from someone who’s supposed to be your best friend and have your best interests at heart.

Preface by saying I’m in a marriage where we don’t really do Christmas presents but are generous to each other throughout the year.

What I’d probably do in your scenario OP, is when the next person - and every subsequent person - asks in front oh him I’d just say “oh DH got me a few stocking fillers this year, but he’s going to take me shopping after Christmas!”

Hahahah. Alright grumpy knickers, did you throw your good cheer out with the wrapping paper?

I am not the OP. I am not disappointed and I having a wonderful Christmas with family.

I’m always amazed by people thinking gifts are just for children. At what age do you turn off the tap? 18?
I taught my children the pleasure of giving from a very young age. They had a budget and a list of people to buy/ make for. We all exchange gifts, there’s no minimum or maximum spend, but usually under £50.00 and mostly the gifts are thoughtful and nice. Some families don’t want to do that , and great if that suits them, but it is lovely to share those moments. We celebrated early so we could be together, I got some beautiful mugs, pyjamas, gloves, cheese and a card from a 4 year old she wrote all by herself. It doesn’t have to be an orgy of consumerism and it doesn’t have to be purely functional .

Well, I got nothing, zilch, not a single present from anyone.
I didn’t get anything for my birthday 4 days ago either.
Bugger Christmas.

This 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

He needed to have told you that the advents gifts were your actual Christmas presents in advance of Christmas day.

Have a word with him because its not good enough

If people ask what you got just answer matter of factly. If he's embarrassed that's on him. You have no reason to be embarrassed.

We don't buy presents for each other, just for family, especially the grandchildren. No present from DH doesn't bother me at all.

This is me too this morning. The one surprise he got me was a cd - I dont have a cd player (he does in his office) and no way of getting music on to my phone. Any music I do but I buy from iTunes.

he claims he didn’t know this despite me complaining g about it.

he thought it would be nice because it’s the songs of a comedian whose gig I went to.

I pointed out that this is the type of present he would like not me and it turns out he’s already out the digital download in his phone - he can do that with his android.

feeling disproportionately pissed off as he only had me to buy for - I stupidly did everything else.

My dh is generous, he’d buy me anything I asked for, he says I can quit working (he’s retired early) he pays for lovely holidays and meals in nice restaurants but he’s rubbish with gifts, again money not the issue but thought isn’t his thing. I take the good qualities

Women have such low standards and then shame other women into ‘being cool’ about it. OP’s partner sounds like an expert in weaponised incompetence. Fuck putting up with that.

@AmberLime

Yeah, OP just suck it up for Christmas and the sake of the kids! You’re too old for presents anyway! Paste on a smile and get cracking cooking the dinner for everyone ur one - it won’t make itself!

OP’s feelings matter. Why should her husband get away with being a lazy inconsiderate twat to his wife just because it’s Christmas??

i didn’t say she should just enjoy dinner but I must say these threads are really tiresome to see. Some people actually have real problems you know

@TheIceBear

most people want more from the day than just dinner.

yeh they want gifts. Because that’s the most important thing about Xmas …

DH and I never do big or fancy presents for each other. We buy a small token gift for each other and then try to have a few days away together during the year. Today, DH got a pair of slippers from me and I got some M&S fruit marzipans from him. We would rather spend our money on gifts for our children than buy big gifts for each other.

All these people saying it wouldn't bother me. It's not about you. It's also not about the gift. The lack of thought is what stings and the inequality in the effort put in. I'm sorry OP. As previously said the embarrassment is not yours. Let him own it

He bought you a few things before Christmas - what were they?

An ex of mine once bought me a 99p card and nothing else - his excuse was that he didn't know what to get me - which was nonsense. A bottle of wine or a five quid bottle of perfume from the body shop would have sufficed - he just couldn't be bothered.

Normally if I'm struggling with what to buy someone (I only buy for my mum and brother). I'll buy them a gift card to go with other presents so they can buy what they want

It's ok to feel upset - but try not to let it spoil your day

Next year send him the links to what you want. It won’t be a surprise but at least you’ll have what you want. Tell him you expect a couple of surprise presents too

missed the chance to edit my post! If you and your DH had agreed big presents for each other prior to Christmas then maybe pull him up about it, but does it really matter in the grand scheme of things? Is it worth feeling annoyed and embarrassed to tell people?

What was rhe thing for the house and what were the advent things? Have you said anything and does he know you're upset?