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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Probably - but people too lazy to cook their own christmas dinner are spoiling mine

717 replies

SheinIsShite · 25/12/2025 09:15

My youngest DS is 16 and works in a pub kitchen. Dish washing, food prep, plating starters/dessert. He is contracted to do 8 hours a week which is usually OK. Obviously this time of year is busy and because he is not at school he has more shifts.

School finished on Friday, he worked Friday evening. And Saturday, and Sunday. Did an extra shift on Monday afternoon as they were short. Yesterday was rostered 11-6 but got home at 22.50 as they were so busy and needed to prep for the 700 covers they have booked today between 12 and 4.30pm. He starts again at 10am this morning, and although they have said he'll be done by 6.30 I don't believe that so he will more than likely miss our family meal.

So all of you paying £85 a head for Christmas lunch in a very standard chain pub, thanks for that.

Totally appreciate that some people have to work and we are all grateful to the police, fire, midwives etc. But going out for your Chrtistmas lunch is not essential.

OP posts:
Maverickess · 25/12/2025 15:28

TempestTost · 25/12/2025 14:36

I think this is where the OP has a point, actually.

It's very likely that her son does not have the choice to take shifts like this, to work extra, and so on, because he would be replaced, or even just made to feel bad, if he didn't accept them. Employers have their employees over a barrel in these kinds of industries and if they aren't thoughtful of their employees well being, it can be pretty shitty.

We are now all used to almost constant access to shopping and services, but people don't seem to realise that the kinds of laws that limited open hours were seen as worker's rights legislation For example, in the downtown of the part of the city I come from, the stores had to close at 5 pm, except on Thursdays when they had later hours - this was so shop staff could go home and have an evening with their family most days, plus they had Sundays off.

I think there are good reasons to have food service available at holidays, but employers should be mindful of their employees need to have a home life as well. Plenty don't bother.

Thing is though, as a customer are you willing to pay more, or accept a lower standard so that breaks and finish times can be observed - or is that not your problem as a customer?
Because the customers are the ones who pay for the service, and ensuring staff are treated fairly comes at a financial cost.
If all hospitality staff tomorrow worked to 'rule' you'd be seeing prices increasing or standards dropping because it costs money. But if people can't or won't pay more for the service then it runs on the staff working through their breaks and past their finish times.
Would you be happy as a customer in a restaurant at any time of year to be kicked out or to be refused a dessert, or be told you needed to be out by X time because the staff are going home, or wait an extra half an hour for your meal because chef is on his break? Likely not, and you'd be expecting that break or finish time to be covered with no drop in service- but of course that means another member of staff who needs paying - which ultimately comes from the customer.

Roobarbtwo · 25/12/2025 15:28

Leavesandthings · 25/12/2025 15:18

Is it not more reasonable to feel annoyed that the place your son works seems to be treating their young, zero hours staff very poorly?
Hopefully he will find a better job soon, or quit if it just doesn't work for him.
Otherwise, it's down to your son to choose whether to work in jobs that might require holiday work, and how to advocate for himself for time off at Christmas if that's important to him.
It has nothing to do with the customers of the pub! Blooming hell.

ETA, I have been to work today! As I have for maybe half of my adult Christmases.

Edited

This. Exactly this

Achinghipandpainsallover · 25/12/2025 15:34

(1) Cook - eat - plate up for when he comes home.

(2) wait for him to come home and then eat

It’s really not rocket science.

we have medical staff, police and hospitality staff in our family who all work at Christmas.

it’s just how it is - we make the best of it - work around it and still have a great time.

No one presumably has a gun to his head forcing him to work in hospitality?

But if he choses to do so - that is how Christmas / new year / Mother’s Day / Valentine’s Day etc is.

total 1st world problem.

VickyEadieofThigh · 25/12/2025 15:34

Complaining about something entirely within your son's hands is daft. If people didn't eat out in such numbers (and at least one pp has pointed out that the Xmas period is what keeps a lot of hospitality businesses alive), your son wouldn't have this job at all.

My parents only allowed me to have a Saturday job because my mother absolutely refused to let anything get in the way of my school work. And no, they weren't rich - my dad was a miner and we lived in rented accommodation.

WeAllHaveWings · 25/12/2025 15:36

Don’t feel sad @MimosasInFrance , even those going out because they do just want a lazy lunch and no dishes can do so without any guilt.

I accept my ds chooses to work in hospitality, it serves him well all year round. Local hospitality needs the money that comes in due Christmas peak season. I am not going to sit a at home and stew because he’s not here. We’ll be flexible and have a great Christmas, just not at the usual times.

Hope you and your mum enjoyed your meal!

Skybluepinky · 25/12/2025 15:36

They chose to work in hospitality, welcome to the real world.
You sound like a bundle of laughs, if you carry on they’ll always chose to work long hours on a bad day to be out of your way.

CarpeVitam · 25/12/2025 15:40

Thanks for the laugh, OP! 🤣

Llamallamafruitpyjama · 25/12/2025 15:40

SheinIsShite · 25/12/2025 09:57

Well police are kind of essential services. As are nurses, fire fighters, air traffic controllers.

Nobody needs to go out for christmas lunch to a pub.

You can’t think of anyone that may benefit from a catered pub lunch? People disabled and unable to cook, a small family where it’s more cost effective to eat out va buy it all in, women who maybe for once want to be at the meal and gift opening and not slaving in a kitchen missing the fun parts. Literally if you don’t care about other people OP why should anyone give a shit your son is working his job on Christmas? I will be enjoying my pub tomorrow 🤣

Menopausio · 25/12/2025 15:43

My parent is late 80's and in poor health, my DB and SIL are also disabled/ in poor health. They have booked Christmas dinner out. Not too lazy, unable to manage .
Im a nurse and was working earlier today, just found out Im needed later too.
Its ONE DAY @SheinIsShite .
Give your head a wobble.

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 25/12/2025 15:45

Roobarbtwo · 25/12/2025 13:23

Could he not have said no to the Christmas day shift. I never go out for a Christmas day meal. We get a takeaway.

We're having an Indian takeaway tonight, opens at 5....

ChristmasDayIsHere · 25/12/2025 15:50

My ex-husband used to work in hospitality management so we’d barely see him in December and definitely never on Christmas Eve/ Day/ Boxing Day, even with very young children. That’s the deal if you work in those industries.

How is it “ruining your Christmas”? 🙄 If you’re that bothered why don’t you give him the money he would earn over this period so he could quit and find a different job in the NY? Either because: a) you’re not THAT bothered that you’d cough up the money for him to be with you instead; or because b) he wouldn’t want to quit and actually sees this as a good opportunity, given many teens struggle to find work, and you are projecting your views onto him (did he say it has “ruined his Christmas”, or is this all about you?; or c) he is deliberately taking a job where he’ll work Christmas to escape such a drama llama mother!

I am a lone parent. I love cooking. However, I’ve just got back from a very nice Christmas lunch out with my children and we do this every year because - unfathomable as it may be to you - I don’t want to spend half of my Christmas Day in my kitchen to cook and then clear up a meal for me and my two children when I could instead relax with them, watch them open presents, play games with them, cuddle up with them by the fire. Sorry that you find that so objectionable and “lazy”. 🙄🙄 I have a full time job and two children and do everything on my own, why shouldn’t I be lazy on Christmas Day?

I tip our taxi drivers and restaurant staff generously every Christmas because I’m grateful they are prepared to give up their time on a bank holiday to facilitate our plans. However, it’s entirely their choice to do so and if they all refused to work at Christmas then there would be no taxis or restaurants open, so clearly many people are willing to do so (for vastly increased pay!) and that’s up to them, not you.

It’s very childish of you to try to project your disappointment onto others. Do you always only use a service if it is “essential”? What if it is your train driver’s birthday on the day you choose to get the train? What if it’s the doctor’s wedding anniversary on the day you have an operation? How would you know? Let alone know whether their mother was having a meltdown about it. How would anybody even know if someone’s mother is alive or lives in the same country as them or has any contact with them at all?

It’s a reasonable presumption that whomever is working Christmas is doing so out of choice - perhaps they don’t like Christmas, or they belong to a religion that doesn’t celebrate it, or money is just more important to them, or for them the career they chose to pursue means more than this inconvenience being a requirement of that career; whatever the reason. It’s none of our business as strangers using the service why someone has made that personal choice (or how their mother feels about it!) because they have made that choice for whatever personal reason otherwise by definition they would not be there working today, would they?

To then have a tantrum at those using a service because one is annoyed about one’s child’s choice of work industry is ridiculous when it’s blatantly obvious that a flexible hours hospitality job would mean a lot of long hours at Christmas and you even state this was made clear to him at the outset and he chose to accept the job anyway. Maybe have a bit less bucks fizz at breakfast time next year? 🤣

PurpleThistle7 · 25/12/2025 15:53

Genuinely struggling to see the issue here. It’s a hospitality job. It literally exists if people use it. Clearly people are using it and the restaurant is having a successful day. Are you saying people should boycott Christmas hospitality options and put the place out of business?

I worked plenty of holidays when I was working in hospitality, it’s just part of what you do. I was glad to be earning 🤷🏻‍♀️

Eenameenadeeka · 25/12/2025 15:55

I think your wording calling people too lazy has got this crazy response, but I do agree that it's unfair, I understand how there are only so many jobs for kids at that age and I do think it's a shame to have people working so much that they miss Christmas in a job that isn't essential. I hope you got to have some time with all of your family together.

Disco2022 · 25/12/2025 15:57

I used to work Christmas day when I was his age to avoid my mad mother.

Frugalgal · 25/12/2025 15:57

700 covers!!! 😮

CaptainMyCaptain · 25/12/2025 15:57

Frynye · 25/12/2025 09:19

Im sure he’s grateful for the pay.

This.

scorpiogirly · 25/12/2025 15:59

I wouldn't pay it but surely it's helping the industry which is desperately needed thanks to Convid and Labour, no?

Golightly133 · 25/12/2025 15:59

My daughter is an assistant manager in a large pub chain we had Christmas dinner 2 weeks ago with all the family as she always ends up with a warmed up dinner, hospitality is
what it is, he chose this job I try not to put any pressure on her as she is busy enough x

Seagullstopitnow · 25/12/2025 16:02

He sounds like an amazing young man, he's going to do well in life.

I have eaten out for Christmas twice, I won't do it again as it was quite frankly overpriced and underwhelming, BUT we tipped over double the amount we would normally to thank the (mostly young) staff that were working that day.

They appreciated ut.

BrightLightTonight · 25/12/2025 16:06

Well, I have just got back from a lovely restaurant meal. I am definitely not lazy, but after 28 years hosting my (now 96 year old) mother without any family support, I decided that this year I would take the easier option.

Roobarbtwo · 25/12/2025 16:13

Maverickess · 25/12/2025 15:28

Thing is though, as a customer are you willing to pay more, or accept a lower standard so that breaks and finish times can be observed - or is that not your problem as a customer?
Because the customers are the ones who pay for the service, and ensuring staff are treated fairly comes at a financial cost.
If all hospitality staff tomorrow worked to 'rule' you'd be seeing prices increasing or standards dropping because it costs money. But if people can't or won't pay more for the service then it runs on the staff working through their breaks and past their finish times.
Would you be happy as a customer in a restaurant at any time of year to be kicked out or to be refused a dessert, or be told you needed to be out by X time because the staff are going home, or wait an extra half an hour for your meal because chef is on his break? Likely not, and you'd be expecting that break or finish time to be covered with no drop in service- but of course that means another member of staff who needs paying - which ultimately comes from the customer.

It shouldn't be one or the other. Staff should be treated fairly and they are legally entitled to breaks. If this employer isn't giving them they are breaking the law. It is completely unreasonable that a half six finish becomes an 11pm finish

I'm surprised that the OP isn't more upset at her son's working conditions than the fact that people choose to eat out on Christmas day

RachelGreep87 · 25/12/2025 16:16

You could have had your Christmas dinner at 9 am to include everyone.

FreyjaOfTheNorth · 25/12/2025 16:17

Other jobs are available.

HTH.

FerrisWheelsandLilacs · 25/12/2025 16:24

SheinIsShite · 25/12/2025 09:15

My youngest DS is 16 and works in a pub kitchen. Dish washing, food prep, plating starters/dessert. He is contracted to do 8 hours a week which is usually OK. Obviously this time of year is busy and because he is not at school he has more shifts.

School finished on Friday, he worked Friday evening. And Saturday, and Sunday. Did an extra shift on Monday afternoon as they were short. Yesterday was rostered 11-6 but got home at 22.50 as they were so busy and needed to prep for the 700 covers they have booked today between 12 and 4.30pm. He starts again at 10am this morning, and although they have said he'll be done by 6.30 I don't believe that so he will more than likely miss our family meal.

So all of you paying £85 a head for Christmas lunch in a very standard chain pub, thanks for that.

Totally appreciate that some people have to work and we are all grateful to the police, fire, midwives etc. But going out for your Chrtistmas lunch is not essential.

I agree. It’s almost as bad as those who get sick and need medical treatment or need emergency services on Christmas Day - it’s disgusting selfish behaviour 🧐

WearyAuldWumman · 25/12/2025 16:31

Menopausio · 25/12/2025 15:43

My parent is late 80's and in poor health, my DB and SIL are also disabled/ in poor health. They have booked Christmas dinner out. Not too lazy, unable to manage .
Im a nurse and was working earlier today, just found out Im needed later too.
Its ONE DAY @SheinIsShite .
Give your head a wobble.

Yup.

My BIL, his wife and sister are eating out today.

His wife has complications from a stroke. His sister is recovering from cancer.

It would be impossible for my BIL to cook a full meal and look after them both without exhausting himself completely. They were supposed to travel to stay with their son's family, but BIL's wife had a health crisis last month and can't travel at the moment.

Ergo, his son's family has travelled to see them and they're all dining out together. My BIL isn't expecting his son and DIL to cater for 8 whilst wrangling three excited children after they've travelled from Scotland to England.

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