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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DIDNT buy partner’s sister fiancé a gift

107 replies

UniqueGoldNewt · 25/12/2025 01:49

Hi! Just wanted people’s opinions.. for background Ive been with my partner coming up a year and have only met his mother once, his sister and her fiancé twice. They are marrying next year i will add (late 2026).
So from the start of Xmas gift buying my partner told me that his mother and sister were buying me something small from each of them. I was told not to bother buying his sister’s fiancé a gift as it was not his immediate family plus he wasn’t buying me anything. I also didn’t think blokes were too bothered (met him twice) & it was more for the women of the immediate family like a woman thing. We left it at this happily.
anyways i get in tonight after an evening out with good friends & my partner calls me. It is a normal call speaking about tomorrows plans but then he goes on to say that a week or so ago he was on the phone to his sister and told her very bluntly (just how he is and was harmlessly neutral) that I didn’t get her partner anything. Apparently sister had put him on loudspeaker and her fiancé heard and got quite upset. I was quite taken aback and told him that I was told not to and it wasn’t a big deal as I don’t think a man ive met twice would care so much for a gift from his fiancées brothers girlfriend, im sorry. I included his name in the card so it’s not like I didn’t acknowledge the bloke! It was harmless i was told not to as Hes not immediate family yet & he also hadn’t bought me anything. But now im told by partner that he contributed to the present from the family. I understand that he feels put out and it wouldn’t have hurt to buy him a nice box of chocolates for a few quid but surely this is a little bit OTT? I acknowledged him in the card and I do get on with him i think hes lovely. If I knew that he had contributed to my gift I would of bought him something or given it more thought!
I sent my partner some money tonight and bought the bloke 2 big bars of quality street and a mini box of Lindt, partner kindly wrapped them up and put them in the bag with his sister & mum’s gifts so everyone has presents. I told partner that if anyone says anything to just say I got him something ages ago and it got mislaid in a bag with my brother’s presents but doesn’t this just seem a little bit of a joke? Apparently he was really upset and put out. I asked my partner for his sister‘s contact details to sort it out but he begged me not to mention it as he said she will have a go and take it out on him for telling me.
any opinions? I just hope this is resolved now as Hes now got a present wrapped to be given with the others so no one is left out now. Either way ive definitely learnt my lesson now. Fml xxx lol

OP posts:
worriedmum8686 · 25/12/2025 01:54

They are strange I wouldn't worry

MauriceTheMussel · 25/12/2025 01:54

Jesus Christ

Either the fiancé is a massive baby or your DP is telling porkies of some kind

XWKD · 25/12/2025 01:59

Why the fuck would you buy partner’s sister's fiancé a gift?

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 25/12/2025 02:07

XWKD · 25/12/2025 01:59

Why the fuck would you buy partner’s sister's fiancé a gift?

Wtf sould you buy any of them? That is his job. Do not get pulled into buying presents for his side. Absolutely no.

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 25/12/2025 02:08

Oh and i would absolutely be mentioning it

UniqueGoldNewt · 25/12/2025 02:10

I don’t mind buying them presents they don’t cost the earth, it’s once a year, nice thing to do for Christmas plus they bought for me it’s not that, i just dont understand why a bloke ive met twice who is my partner’s sister FIANCÉ is getting so aggy and upset? The mother and sister’s was absolutely fine

OP posts:
BeMintFatball · 25/12/2025 02:26

I would treat the fiancé as part of the family already. Knowing they are marrying next year ( month irrelevant) I would have bought a joint gift to the couple.

Sorry OP I think you fucked up

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 25/12/2025 02:33

UniqueGoldNewt · 25/12/2025 02:10

I don’t mind buying them presents they don’t cost the earth, it’s once a year, nice thing to do for Christmas plus they bought for me it’s not that, i just dont understand why a bloke ive met twice who is my partner’s sister FIANCÉ is getting so aggy and upset? The mother and sister’s was absolutely fine

What has tour partner got him? Put your name in that.

suburberphobe · 25/12/2025 02:33

I would be making a quick getaway from this family as it shows you how your future will be.....

Who needs that kind of drama in their life?!

UniqueGoldNewt · 25/12/2025 02:44

@CarrierbagsAndPJs partner lavished him with gifts one was a huge soft plush gaming chair!! & then toys for their pets etc. my name wasn’t put in it as mine was gonna be separate for mum and sister. Can understand getting them gifts but the sisters fiancé surely not? I understand being put out but getting upset seems a bit OTT right? I find it bit silly xx

OP posts:
ThisElatedShark · 25/12/2025 02:45

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 25/12/2025 02:33

What has tour partner got him? Put your name in that.

Exactly. This is how your partner’s sister’s finance has got out of doing any shopping or thinking 😂.

HopingForTheBest25 · 25/12/2025 02:56

The answer to this is that gifts are joint from you and your partner - no messing about doing separate ones unless you genuinely enjoy buying little extras for mum and sister. But your name still goes on the ones your partner bought.

UniqueGoldNewt · 25/12/2025 02:57

@HopingForTheBest25 partner never thought to include my name and said it was all being seperate

OP posts:
Twogonksandapencil · 25/12/2025 03:18

I don't understand why your DP didn't tell you this a week ago? I would be annoyed at your DP for not mentioning this earlier and also for not admitting to his sis that it was him who told you not to bother buying fiancee a present. Seems like your DP has thrown you under the bus here and I would not be impressed with that.

Busyasabumblebee · 25/12/2025 03:22

Did you remember to buy your partner’s sister’s fiancé’s sibling a gift because I fear this might become an issue too?

Lavenderandbrown · 25/12/2025 03:24

It’s just so difficult for me to believe a grown man wants a gift so badly that he’s pouting/ unhappy and that he will be pacified by a box of chocolates. It seems silly to me that he so desperately wants to open something

op I do think next year your partner buys for his family including this fiancé who by then will be BIL. Don’t make a rod for your back

Power26 · 25/12/2025 03:29

Honestly this whole thing seems weird. I think your partner has obviously set you up here, by firstly telling you not to bother with the gift, then announcing your lack of gift to everyone as if you’re some nasty bitch when in reality it was his decision/his idea? Very manipulative.

personally, it’s an alien concept to me to buy gifts for everyone in this situation. You haven’t even known these people a year, yet you’ve got another 4 people to buy for? His mum/sister/bil likely don’t even see you as that important in their lives. To me, the gift giving relationship takes more time, when your relationship is more established

Elopeme · 25/12/2025 03:32

Wouldn’t all gifts to his (your partners) side of the family automatically be from him and you?

Why do you personally have to buy extra gifts for each family member (& their spouses)?

Mounjaroday · 25/12/2025 03:48

Your partner is being weird; his story makes absolutely no sense.

In any case it’s his side, his responsibility.

I actually hate receiving gifts from other adults unless very close family. I find it totally unnecessary.

GooseberryGreen · 25/12/2025 03:55

The prime requirement for a future partner is that they have your back. They do not involve you in pointless family dramas. The whole lot of them sound absolutely batty - your boyfriend's sister's fiance is distraught because you didn't get him a gift? Is he 12? You don't just marry a person, you also take on their family. I wouldn't be too keen on taking on this man or his family.

Marmalady75 · 25/12/2025 03:55

I have never (in nearly 20 years of marriage) bought a Christmas gift just from me to any of my DH’s siblings, nevermind their other halves or children. It was given from both of us (or from the whole family now). What a fussy drama llama!

HipHopDontYouStop · 25/12/2025 03:58

Weird. And a warning for future weird behaviour from this bloke.

daisychain01 · 25/12/2025 04:27

Your partner is a shit-stirrer.

your partner's sister's fiancé needs to grow up.

you need to give way fewer fucks as of now, or this will become your life for the foreseeable. You're not put on earth to worry about the happiness of someone else's adult partner who is nothing to do with you.

Frostynoman · 25/12/2025 04:30

Partner sounds selfish and a stirrer. However, one day this guy could be a brother in law (depending on your relationship, and their wedding happening) so yes, I would have got a bottle for him as it is awkward not to.

Mymanyellow · 25/12/2025 05:33

Wonder what he has hought you?