DIDNT buy partner’s sister fiancé a gift

[UniqueGoldNewt]

Hi! Just wanted people’s opinions.. for background Ive been with my partner coming up a year and have only met his mother once, his sister and her fiancé twice. They are marrying next year i will add (late 2026).
So from the start of Xmas gift buying my partner told me that his mother and sister were buying me something small from each of them. I was told not to bother buying his sister’s fiancé a gift as it was not his immediate family plus he wasn’t buying me anything. I also didn’t think blokes were too bothered (met him twice) & it was more for the women of the immediate family like a woman thing. We left it at this happily.
anyways i get in tonight after an evening out with good friends & my partner calls me. It is a normal call speaking about tomorrows plans but then he goes on to say that a week or so ago he was on the phone to his sister and told her very bluntly (just how he is and was harmlessly neutral) that I didn’t get her partner anything. Apparently sister had put him on loudspeaker and her fiancé heard and got quite upset. I was quite taken aback and told him that I was told not to and it wasn’t a big deal as I don’t think a man ive met twice would care so much for a gift from his fiancées brothers girlfriend, im sorry. I included his name in the card so it’s not like I didn’t acknowledge the bloke! It was harmless i was told not to as Hes not immediate family yet & he also hadn’t bought me anything. But now im told by partner that he contributed to the present from the family. I understand that he feels put out and it wouldn’t have hurt to buy him a nice box of chocolates for a few quid but surely this is a little bit OTT? I acknowledged him in the card and I do get on with him i think hes lovely. If I knew that he had contributed to my gift I would of bought him something or given it more thought!
I sent my partner some money tonight and bought the bloke 2 big bars of quality street and a mini box of Lindt, partner kindly wrapped them up and put them in the bag with his sister & mum’s gifts so everyone has presents. I told partner that if anyone says anything to just say I got him something ages ago and it got mislaid in a bag with my brother’s presents but doesn’t this just seem a little bit of a joke? Apparently he was really upset and put out. I asked my partner for his sister‘s contact details to sort it out but he begged me not to mention it as he said she will have a go and take it out on him for telling me.
any opinions? I just hope this is resolved now as Hes now got a present wrapped to be given with the others so no one is left out now. Either way ive definitely learnt my lesson now. Fml xxx lol

Has your partner bought your family and their partners gifts?
I find it a bit odd that you aren't just giving as a couple, but if that's not their style I'd have taken my lead based on what he did for my family.

Really weird to expect you to buy separate gifts for anyone in your partners family. Your name should be included on the gifts that he has bought. Does he buy separate gifts for your family too?

Look at the many many threads about women exasperated at doing at the present buying and wrapping for their husbands responsibilities, for years.

Are you even seeing these people over Christmas??

It seems very transactional and weird.
I think I got mil and fil a small gift on the first Christmas (we had been together 4 months but I had met them 5/6 times. ) it would have been some chocolates or similar. I did that because they had kindly bought me a little something. But there was no expectation, the next year I did the same then the following year we lived together and did joint pressies. But sil still lived at home, I never got her or her bf anything .
I guess if your bf bluntly said to fiance by the way dgf hasn’t got you anything it could be a bit offensive but more his tone than the act. Also you didn’t get him anything because your bf never said to so how are you the bad guy? And it’s rude of them to comment on it and poor of your bf not to defend you.
All 4 of them sound like drama lamas op.

Why are you and dp doing separate presents? Let him sort his family and put your name on it.

I would be slightly put out if I was marrying into a family, contributed to everyone’s gifts then to find out it wasn’t reciprocated because I wasn’t viewed as part of the family. I imagine he’s upset at that, the sentiment & being deliberately excluded.

I think your boyfriend threw you under the bus. Once when he told you not to bother, then again on the call as I doubt he revealed it was his idea for you not to get him anything. It’s probably why he doesn’t want you to bring it up with them.

Agree with the comments about giving presents as a couple.

Did she heck!
OP, he’s not your partner - he’s your boyfriend. You don’t live together, you didn’t even go out together or Christmas Eve! All this drama over people who are pretty much strangers 😂

I would be very wary of your partner. First he tells you not to bother with a gift, then says you need to get one so close to the day. It feels like a set up to cause you stress. He got an expensive present and didn't think to put your name on it! At best he sounds mean or thoughtless and at worst manipulative and emotionally abusive.

Your DP is in the lynch pin in this, playing both sides for maximum drama.

Your partner is a shit stirrer.

This! So strange lol. He’s a grown man acting like a child! Why does he care?! Reading this forum continues to absolutely baffle me on the daily.

your partner has thrown you under the bus

No her husband should be doing it. Dont get sucked into that.

I totally agree with @Busybeemumm . It all sounds crazy and so I would be suspecting your partner is lying. Because the alternative is that a bloke you barely know has thrown a snit over something you - a stranger - have or haven't done.

It's likely that one day you'll look back and see loads of other times he sabotaged times you were expecting to be happy and drama free. .

This.
I think for some reason your boyfriend is stirring/ playing weird games.

That’s why I always buy an extra few boxes of chocs

All sounds bonkers. Beware of your boyfriend, and the fiancé sounds crazy.

Erm in our family anyone family gets gifts simples men or women all rounder

I'd put a stop to this "buying separate gifts" idea pronto. Presents should be joint from the both of you.

Has the BF-DS-DF bought you a separate gift?

Has your BF bought separate gifts for your mother or siblings or their partners?

Don't let your BF throw you under the bus today any more than he already has OP. If it comes up during gift giving, and he doesn't own up that he told you not to get a gift, then point out that you were told not to.

Give your partner's sister's fiancé whatever you were planning to give to your partner. Give your soon-to-be-ex-partner a contemptuous sneer and an eye-roll. Merry Christmas!

Why don't you simply give him a bottle of wine?

This! His family. HIS LIST!

Dont get fucked over with this wife work already!

I wouldn't lie about having mislaid something or having a present all along. It's obvious you didn't.

At most I'd just explain to him the truth - that I didn't realise he'd contributed to the family gifts and had been advised that you weren't buying for each other.

In future I'd contribute to whatever DP buys for his side of the family rather than buying separate stuff tbh. I've never bought anything for DH's side - we buy for our own side and say it's from both of us.

exactly.

I don't believe the sister's fiance is upset unless he's been primed to be by OP's boyfriend stirring for some reason. The boyfriend wants OP to worry for some reason.