BF has copy of Famous Book By a German Man with a Hairy Lip Need Advice

[southoftheeast]

Hi, hopefully this is as anonymous as possible...please don't judge about timing, etc., I have autism/adhd combined

My boyfriend has a copy of --Min Kmf, which I knew about but didn't really make a fuss at the time. It was just not in my consciousness at the time.
I seem to remember him explaining something, but I can't quite remember (neurodivergent - it's complicated)
Anyway, to cut a long story short, he's recently decided to start bragging about owning it on social media. It was only then, when I actually did some deep research on it, that I realised just how bad it was - I was particularly offended with H's opinion on black people (related to me), but overall it's offensive.
So I confronted him and asked him to explain why he actually has the book (a bit late, I know), and, more importantly, whether he believes everything in it, and what that says about me. Anyway, this was last week, and from that time on he hasn't responded or been in contact.
He was supposed to spend the holiday with the children and me, it's a serious relationship, etc., we may as well be married...
Ive had lots of deep thought about this (I am a loner, so I have lots of time when my children are asleep to hyperfocus on things) and I still don't think I was wrong to ask. He did get back, actually, and said, I don't have to explain to myself.
I left a voice note for him today to explain my situation and how i feel and but hes not read it/responded. Hes extremley stubborn.... I am too...
But I don't know what else to do than abandon ship or wait for him to respond. AIBU?

You're with a bloke who admires Hitler. Let that sink in.

Sorry, it doesn’t sound like a serious relationship at all. Do you live together? Are they his kids? How can it be a serious relationship and not hear from him for a week?

Anyway, to cut a long story short, he's recently decided to start bragging about owning it on social media

This is the bit I find odd.

I think wanting to read such an infamous book, for historical study / research purposes, or to be able to contribute to a discussion about it is not something to be concerned about - in the same way that an atheist might well have a copy of the bible (or indeed the Qu'ran) to study.

What exactly was he saying about it ?

I mean, I find it a bit difficult to believe that you are so close you are spending Christmas together, with your dc, but that you haven't been aware of his views, if his views were that he agreed with what Hitler wrote in his book.

Well tbh unless he has it for study purposes you only have the one option really ?

Oh, and I think you’d know whether he has the book for academic purposes, or because it’s something he believes in. Bragging about it on social media indicates it’s something he’s proud of….

Is he actually intelligent enough to read it and use it as a piece of literature for study? Or is it just something to brag about without actually understanding the content and context in which it was written?

Is this a first edition or something? I don't think him having a copy of it necessarily means anything at all.

Is he interested in the time period? In Hitler as a personality study? Some people are fascinated by Hitler even though they think him a terrible person.

There are all sorts of reasons your boyfriend might have a copy of Mein Kampf, none of them nefarious.

Why do you think he may share Hitler's beliefs?

Nothing wrong with owning a copy (AFAIK) but a whole lot wrong agreeing with the politics of it. Has he actually said he supports some/any of Hilter’s ideologies or are you making big assumptions based on him having the book?

I have read American psycho but I'm not murdering people. I've read most of hitlers rather dull book and it's not all that. I don't think him owning it means he's gonna commit genocide

You can have a book without agreeing with its author and its contents.

I have a history degree, so wouldn't necessarily think much about someone owning a copy, especially if they have other historical books around. I had to read extracts for A-level, and it did not want me to read the whole thing at all.

I would think it odd if it were someone's only book, or only history book. And I'd think it very weird indeed if they were bragging about it, and would not want to spend any more of my time with them.

My (ex) mate gave his godson a copy of it for his christening 😬

It's very simple. Your boyfriend's a Nazi sympathiser.

He's got the text book.

His conversation and opinions confirm this.

And now he's trying to attract a group.of like minded people around him online.

When echo chambers form like this, so can extremist behaviour.

And you've been inflicting him and his views on your children.

You know what your duty to your children is now, don't you.

Bragging about this on social media is a weird flex to say the least, and not something anyone with legitimate reasons for reading it would do. (I would be extremely surprised if he's even attempted to read it, tbh.) It really just sounds like a teenage boy trying to be edgy.

So he's not necessarily a Nazi, but he is certainly an idiot, and definitely not somebody I'd want around my children.

I mean, I can understand having a morbid sort of curiosity about it or trying to understand the mindset that lead to such atrocities from a history and learning perspective... but that's very different than reading from a place of admiration or connecting with the content/ values held in it. And I think you'd know if it was the former tbh.

I think it's fair to ask given his other behaviour online and what would concern me firstly is that this guy thinks its OK to ghost you for a week ( that in itself would be an immediate deal breaker for me) but also then refused point blank to communicate with something that's affected you personally (someone he's supposed to care about and be in a relationship with) (second immediate deal breaker in my book). The posting and showing it off on social media is weird af and speaks to either a real lack of maturity or worse that he connects with this type of content and either way given social media works off algorithms, it will likely be pushing more extremist content his way.

So as a parent and single mother , no I absolutely would not be continuing this relationship. I'm white, but from your post I'm guessing you may not be and I think your partner is being very insensitive and dismissive of your concerns given the attitudes and rhetoric in the book related to race and diversity. For you as his partner to bring that up and express a worry is putting yourself out there, he should have been more respectful and had a conversation with you about it and immediately sought to ease your concerns, but the fact he wouldn't have any discussion about it worries me that perhaps he didn't because you wouldn't have liked his answer.

I think when you have kids op your standards need to be as high as they can possibly get so you aren't risking exposing your kids to relationships ending/inadvertently bringing someone harmful into their lives. This guy has enough red flags I'd be letting him go.

I’ve read it.

i’m interested in the period and I have read quite a few of the original sources.

it’s a bloody tough read to be honest as it’s so badly written.

I was fascinated by how he could be such an evil person and thought the book might give clues (it didn’t).

I am slightly bemused by your concern being the attitude to black people in it as there is much much worse.

Just break up with him. He sounds unpleasant generally and hitler-curious at the very least!

I’ve read it and I’m not a Nazi sympathiser whatsoever. It’s a historically relevant book, although very, very dull. So him owning it alone would not bother me one bit, but him bragging about it is odd.

Why not buy him Das Kapital for Xmas?

It's fine to own it and read it (and proves you're a very patient person if you manage to get through it to the end). Bragging about it on social media is what makes him an idiot. I'm not sure it makes him a Nazi sympathiser, but definitely an idiot.

Someone owning and reading the book is not at all unusual; I have it, many of my friends have it, and my friend who is a human rights barrister has it. Owning and reading something does not mean anything in terms of believing the ideology; it is a piece of history, in the same way as I also have other books with importance in history.

But to boast about it on social media is very strange; I think that anyone boasting on social media shows a shallow affect, and perhaps a need for attention. It still doesn't necessarily mean he admires H or the ideology; he may be doing it purely to get more people to respond (in the way a troll does), although we just don't know. He may also want to engage true discussion about it which again is not unusual; students of world history all over the globe are invited to discuss this book as well as it being discussed in psychology and politics classes, and so on.

I would personally not bother with him anymore, not because of the book per se, but because he won't talk about his interest in it.

It wouldn't bother me if he owned it because he was really in to history. My uncle is obsessed with the war as my grandad fought in it, he collects loads of stuff related to it. I wouldn't be that surprised to find out he owned a copy or had at least read it.

It would massively bother me if he couldn't explain why he had it (and that explanation solely being, I like collecting things about the war) and the bragging on social media, that would give me the major ick.

You can but he was bragging about owning it!

I personally would not be comfortable dating or having a serious relationship with someone who owned Mein Kampf unless they were a historian with a specific interest in that period and/or had a number of other (balanced and analytical) books about that period because they were interested in understanding the past (because the past and how we learned from it, or not, does matter).

I do think with the rise of the far right again, it is not a neutral book to own and the concern for me would be him not wishing to explain or engage in a conversation about why he had it. That is a red flag to me about any issue in a relationship to be honest, communication is important. I don’t think there is any coming back from the not speaking to you for a week because you asked a question.

I think it is difficult when you are a single parent to find interests outside your children and job, especially when the DC are little, but I wonder if there are ways you can build your social networks a bit so you are not on your own so much (although I appreciate that is not the subject of your post, but it makes you vulnerable to men who are not fundamentally decent souls).

I own a copy: it was given to me by my grandfather who fought (for the UK) in WW2, and then spent the rest of his life involved in anti-racism, anti-fascism work, campaigned against anti-semitism etc.

He felt strongly that we should all know about nazism, the risks of fascism and authoritarianism and how seductive it can be to some people, and gave all his grandchildren copies of the book and various history books.

I don’t keep it out on our main shelves (because I don’t want people that I don’t know well to spot it and leap to conclusions tbh), but if anybody asks me why I own it I would have no problem explaining that it’s a historical document and I believe we all have to be actively aware and on the lookout for any resurgence of that belief system.

I’m aware that it’s illegal to own it in Germany - personally I think that banning it in that way just glamourises it or feeds into the idea that “the authorities are hiding the truth!”. I’d prefer people get to read it and absorb that it’s absolute nonsensical drivel.

So imo the problem is not that he owns it: the problem is that he is unwilling to explain why he owns it, even when you’ve directly asked him. Which suggests that he’s either a nazi/leaning that way, or that he has so little respect for your feelings that he is choosing to be stubborn instead of clearing this up. Either way it’s time to end the relationship or at least make clear to him that’s what he’s risking here.