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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I never want to host again

54 replies

flutterby4 · 24/12/2025 23:00

I am just utterly knackered. Weeks and weeks of rushing around, organising gifts, wrapping gifts, buying endless food. Today we have hosted people for a buffet and spent all day cleaning the house, preparing food, cleaning up after them and by that time it was bedtime. There’s been no opportunity to just chill.
Tomorrow we are hosting family for lunch and it will be much the same.
I like to see people at Christmas and I don’t mind buying and doing the food but it just leaves no time for lounging about or taking the day as it comes, popping out for a walk if you fancy it or whatever.
I kind of feel that Christmas will always be a bit like this while the kids are young because we will of course always do dinners and gifts for them. I would just love some time alone at home to relax and enjoy it how I want to.
Oh and I can’t even blame Dh for not helping because he’s been rushed off his feet too and will be doing the majority of the cooking tomorrow. Gah!

OP posts:
RecordBreakers · 25/12/2025 00:26

Difficult to know which way to vote, as, I wouldn't want to always be hosting either, but it seems that you must have offered, or at the very least agreed to host two days in a row.

We've always tended to try and share things out - if we are hosting on Christmas Day for his side of the family, then we are not so likely to be hosting 'Christmas Drinks' for friends / neighbours that year, and are likely to be going to someone else on a different day to see my side of the family.

Although, if you are seeing different groups 2 days running, then at least the 'big tidy up' is good value for the time used, and then you presumably won't be hosting either group next year.

I suppose I think YANBU to not want to be constantly hosting, but YABU to regularly host if you don't enjoy it.

ThisAutumnTown · 25/12/2025 00:29

Is there any way you could delegate to make it easier?
I host and buy all drinks, do decorations, games, table games/gifts etc, my mum buys the food, my dad and brother in law cook the food, my sister buys/makes dessert and my husband cleans up after (he weirdly enjoys it 😂).
This way we all have a job so it’s not all on one person and is much more enjoyable.

LongBreath · 25/12/2025 00:36

So stop inviting people! Just have Christmas with your DH and your children.

LemaxObsessive · 25/12/2025 00:49

Try doing it as a single parent who has to do EVERYTHING themselves, not just all the cooking. It’s hell.

MyAmusedPearlSquid · 25/12/2025 00:50

Don't host next year you will find it easier no need

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 25/12/2025 01:04

Don't do it then. We love a lazy Xmas.

Both worked today, and then when finished went for a walk, quick stop at the pub and then cheese & biscuits for dinner with a movie.

If you don't enjoy hosting, stop doing it. Share the load with others.

Dancingsquirrels · 26/12/2025 09:43

We host Christmas lunch, just for 6 people and they go home afterwards

No one has to host two big groups on consecutive days. So, if you don't want to, then don't do it. Or, if you feel you absolutely must entertain, make it v simple eg soup and nice bread, buy a Christmas cake, keep it light

Kingscallops · 26/12/2025 09:46

You shouldn't have hosted on Christmas Eve, knowing you were doing the big Christmas day host.

Largestlegocollectionever · 26/12/2025 09:47

Don’t do it then! Don’t offer then be a martyr!

Thunderdcc · 26/12/2025 09:49

We host because we have the most space and tbh it is better for the dc to be able to escape to their rooms if they want to. The key is to make it low effort - MIL brought the meat yesterday. All the veg is preprepared. Puddings from Waitrose.

It is obviously not the cheapest way to do it but I find it far less stressful than leaving the house 😅

lollylo · 26/12/2025 09:54

LemaxObsessive · 25/12/2025 00:49

Try doing it as a single parent who has to do EVERYTHING themselves, not just all the cooking. It’s hell.

Even with a partner I would not host 2 days in a row. The year I was a single parent, I just did me and the kids - so didn’t even host a big Christmas Day, which I did for many years. Not worth the stress and I work in an industry where I get 2 weeks off. So I’ve got lots of chill time.

Dagda · 26/12/2025 09:57

Hosting two days in a row is a massive undertaking. Don’t do it to yourself !

I’m not moving off the couch today.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 26/12/2025 09:57

Sounds a bit hectic.

We host my family on Christmas day and they all bring part of the dinner. So starters are cold and brought my one person. Veg is brought cooked by another and just heated up. Dessert is always something cold too. Guests arrive around 12 and leave around 6 so we chill after we've tidied up. We go to ils on 26th but that's just leftovers so no major work required by anyone.

Re Christmas eve, I wouldn't do a buffet or if I did, I would do cheese and crackers and pre-prepared party food. Instead you could just do mince pies or similar.

I have also stopped wrapping. I put a bit of tissue as around the present and put it in a gift bag. I get the gift bag back from family and re-use next year under the guise of sustainability.

Pineapplewaves · 26/12/2025 09:59

I wouldn’t host two days in a row, we hosted Christmas Day and will host again New Year’s Day and that’s enough for me.

pilates · 26/12/2025 10:00

I wouldn’t be hosting two days on the trot. Just do Christmas Day next year.

Seasaltchips · 26/12/2025 10:03

Don’t do it

we had Christmas at home just the three of us for the first time in years (save for the 2020 Covid Xmas) and it was the best Xmas ever!

dottiedodah · 26/12/2025 10:04

I think when DC is young it's hard work! If you take turns with other family members it's easier.I hosted Christmas for many years .DM now sadly passed .Our very good friend does Christmas Dinner for us.I am very grateful.He does a lovely Turkey Dinner with all the trimmings .Even so weeks of shopping .last minute dash to SB(Christmas Eve at 06.30 am anyone) and general pressure to have the perfect Christmas leave me feeling shattered. And we are out today visiting relatives as well .I am in my early 60s so feeling my age!I think two days of hosting is a lot. Maybe next year Christmas Eve coffee and a mince pie instead.say at 11.00 to 1.00 maybe .or Christmas Day tea? that way you still see everyone but claw back some time for yourself.

BeNoisyFish · 26/12/2025 10:04

Wholesome looking big family gatherings are very tiring for the host but you'll recover and have lovely memories and photos. Two days in a row is champion effort though!

TheTwenties · 26/12/2025 10:12

You said yourself that you like to see people at Christmas. That either means you go to others or they come to you. If they come to you then you’re in control of how much you do or don’t do - you could just be the venue with pot luck and everyone bringing their own drinks, that takes away a huge amount of the work and is more conducive to a relaxed, everyone pitches in vibe. There are many ways to do things - are you making life harder for yourself than it needs to be?

I don’t feel that dissimilar to you but circumstances mean it is what it is at the moment and so I just accept it’s not a magical time of year and get on with it. Things for us in one regard should be better next year in one area but there’s a freight train around the corner which will very likely negate that positive so I’m not naive enough to think this time next year everything will suddenly be perfect.

Moversnotshakers · 26/12/2025 10:14

Ive done exactly the same and wont do it next year!. Huge xmas eve buffet for 18 people(family). Full Xmas dinner yesterday just me Dh and my mum( who is hard work but 87 and i cant leave her at home alone.-DH is a taxi driver and has had to work until 2pm on those days including today. I left work at 5pm on 23rd so been a hell of a rush. I am knackered too. Off to Miller & carter today for a meal i havent cooked and large wine or cocktail

Luckyingame · 26/12/2025 10:34

Don't, OP.
It's really just that simple.
I never hosted anyone in my life and never will.
It's all about preferences and boundaries.
I didn't miss out on anything!

TheFallenMadonna · 26/12/2025 10:40

We host various combinations on 24th, 25th and 26th, every year. I'm happy to do it, and enjoy it, but I'm an introvert and 3 full days even of people I love is a bit much. So when the last people leave on the 27th, it's like the holiday is beginning really. I'm lucky that I don't have to work between Christmas and New Year, otherwise I would probably dial it back.

Sanasaaa · 26/12/2025 10:44

Just don't do it.
I'm in my forties and have very deliberately never hosted a single thing. This will not be changing.

I highly value peace, quiet and doing nothing.

jeaux90 · 26/12/2025 10:46

I always host Christmas but stopped Boxing Day hosting a few years ago. Think about what you actually want and then do it.

Countduckula52 · 26/12/2025 10:48

OchonAgusOchonOh · 26/12/2025 09:57

Sounds a bit hectic.

We host my family on Christmas day and they all bring part of the dinner. So starters are cold and brought my one person. Veg is brought cooked by another and just heated up. Dessert is always something cold too. Guests arrive around 12 and leave around 6 so we chill after we've tidied up. We go to ils on 26th but that's just leftovers so no major work required by anyone.

Re Christmas eve, I wouldn't do a buffet or if I did, I would do cheese and crackers and pre-prepared party food. Instead you could just do mince pies or similar.

I have also stopped wrapping. I put a bit of tissue as around the present and put it in a gift bag. I get the gift bag back from family and re-use next year under the guise of sustainability.

I bought a Santa Sack each for my DC years ago and just put presents in this for the adult DC. No wrapping. We don’t buy gifts for anyone else in our family. I loved having no gifts this year. It’s all about the food and drink for me anyway.

I only host my DP’s.

I only go on big family holidays now if I have my own accommodation too and we all agree to eat out as I am done with cooking for everyone on holidays too now.

I do think I am grumpy and menopausal compared to my 30’s and 40’s but I am just over hosting and accommodating big groups now.