To feel sorry for the DMIL’s at this time of year?

[JayF2]

The Mumsnetter DMIL’s that is. Don’t get me wrong, I know some will be horrible. But the poor buggers can’t get a break! If they so much as break wind they will receive an essay of a post on here bemoaning their character!

It goes with useless DH, surely?

Most families actually have parents managing pretty much 50/50 and being very happy with each other.

But you only hear about extreme situations, the same way you only read about useless DH who have done absolutely nothing, and weirdly kitchen-proud wifey from the 50s who martyr themselves. That's not real life for most people (or everybody would be divorced by New Year's Eve 😂)

So you only hear about MIL from hell who claims she has rights in another woman's house, who has no basic manner and respect, makes comments and complaints and judgements, and wouldn't dream to behave anywhere else the way she behaves but the woman of the house can't just tell her to fuck off because MIL is the husband's mother.

When MIL are as respectful with their DIL as they are with anyone else, there's no drama. At worst a mild chore you have to put up with if you have literally nothing in common, but not worth starting a thread about.

Perfectly monstrous? 😂

I love my MIL. See her at least once a week for coffee and we’ve done Christmas together with my parents every year for 25 years! Dsis loves her MIL as well. So maybe you’ll get lucky?

I have boys, I have no worry whatsoever.

I'm sad I'm not seeing my MIL tomorrow, they are always asked but prefer a quiet day at home now.

If you are a good MIL you generally have nothing to worry about
My mother is a fantastic MIL which is why my dh and my sibling’s other halves love her and insist on spending Christmas Day with her.
My dh’s mother ( now deceased) was the most difficult person I have ever encountered .I spent very little time with her.

Presumably the DMILs have some answering to do for themselves though!

My DMIL is an angel and I love her. We happily alternate Christmases between my husband's parents and mine, and I look forward to the Christmases with his family just as much as those with my own. She's caring, generous, loving, she likes, loves and is interested in me, she adores the children and is a godsend with them, she's just helpful and pleasant and joyful to be around. I would never complain about her, even if she did something annoying, because I love and respect her so much.

But if she behaved like the many MILs I hear about on here who belittle and undermine their DILs, believe their crappy sons can do no wrong and muscle in inappropriately with the children, I probably would find Christmas a chore and want to vent about it online.

I'm (M) meeting DD boyfriend for the first time this weekend. Bit nervous!

Most likely the mums of girls love their daughters, don’t overstep their boundaries and are generally very loving and considerate towards their daughters.

That said I have now have a good relationship with my MIL and she is a great grandmother. But her priority is my husband not me, which is of course natural. She is quite good with not overstepping boundaries now, but it took us some time to get there and we had some horrible rows early on in our marriage all caused by her interference.

You only ever hear one side on here, and often the problem is peoples inability to communicate and avoid conflict so it festers into resentment.

I met my dd’s boyfriend two days ago for the first time .
He told my dd that if he was fortunate enough to marry her he would be grateful to have me as a MIL.

I don’t think it’s just MILs that get it in the neck, more and more there are posts about how awful DMs are too.

Several years when my now teen grandchildren were small I happily did a lot of babysitting, school runs etc while my daughter and husband were at work. One evening when they arrived home my Sil said his fellow firefighters started a discussion about their Mils and had a good old moan about them. He was the only one who spoke up with anything positive to say. I was more than chuffed when he told me he’d said he had a great Mil and they really appreciated everything I did for them. I honestly had a lump in my throat 😢

My friend's son married earlier this year and her new DIL asked if my friend had heard of MN, (of course she has and been on here years) but she claimed she hadn't, didn't know anything about it.

DIL didn't explain or mention it again. My friend is bracing herself to reading a post about herself knowing she is now firmly in the MIL category and curious as to how she is being perceived by said DIL...😆😅

I like my MiL. She has some annoying habits but no more than me. I’m looking forward to her staying next year. Some MiLs sound awful but I am guessing only the awful ones get threads about them.

You haven’t met my mum then 🤣. She wants it ALL her way and can’t / won’t see other people feel differently. The difference is l push back and don’t facilitate her bat shit requests. From what l have seen here and in my personal life a lot of men don’t manage their mothers properly, instead try to ignore them for a quiet life and then they escalate

I actually cried for my Mum in law this morning. Saw a lovely sweater that I would have loved buying for her, it was so her. I'll never see her, nor buy her a sweater again. I wish I'd been able to go back with DH to see her before she died. Just another person whose loss I'll be confronting when I finally get to go home again. RIP Brenda, you are loved, you are missed, you are remembered.

Especially at this time of year - my partner in sherry trifle making crime!

Mine is a complete bitch tbh but we are at the extreme end of spectrum.

One thing I think is behind some of the MIL moans - is it is just the different family attitudes. Especially when DCs are involved. When women play the biggest part in bringing up DCs / decision making, their decisions are more likely to be guided by their own upbringing so are often more aligned with their DM than MIL.

As an example if difference in attitude, DM wouldn't dream of just letting herself in to our house, unless she was expected. This is how I was brought up, so this is what I feel comfortable with. If I am visiting DM, I don't just let myself in.

MIL, on the other hand, will just let herself in. She might shout 'knock knock' or knock the door as she is walking though it. On at least one occasion pre DCs she came in at a very inconvenient time (ahem), another time I was cooking so had the extractor fan going etc and she scared the living daylights out of me when she just appeared behind me. This isn't to say she is wrong - but it is different to my upbringing so I find it very intrusive. There are other examples too - again it is not MIL at fault, but different attitudes mean I find some things irritating / frustrating.

As a mum of boys I’m going to try really hard to be a good MIL aka not a pain in the arse that doesn’t help and expects to be waited on!! 😂

Schrodinger's mother (in law)

My MIL is lovely and I can't wait to see her in the new year 🥰 wish we could see her over Christmas but we live too far away and DH is working.

Today marks one year of total no contact with my mother and I'm celebrating breaking free 🎉

My MIL is a bit of a pain in the arse but isn’t as bad as my mum. My mum is an alcoholic and has rewritten history and tells me stories of my perfect childhood which didn’t exist. My MIL is just very old fashioned and gets frustrated that my husband does housework and childcare when he has a wife. She thinks I’m a terrible wife and mother for not being a martyr and running myself ragged for everyone else.

My MIL is staying with us for a few days over Christmas. She’s always alternated between staying with us and staying with my BIL and SIL and their family. She’s lovely. Very sadly, she has vascular dementia now.

Same here!

But then you’ll be interfering!