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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Opening presents on Christmas Day vs in front of the giver

88 replies

Arrien · 23/12/2025 13:09

DS is in his mid-twenties, for the first time ever he’s not coming home for Christmas, he and his girlfriend are celebrating with their friends at home. Yesterday we got a 2.5 hour train down to him and back to exchange gifts and have lunch with him and his girlfriend. I put a lot of thought into their gifts as did DH and for both of them we bought something that we knew they’d be thrilled to receive. To me part of the joy of gift giving is seeing them open their presents but DS insisted on keeping a hold of them until Christmas Day. We also took presents from grandparents and his brother so I understand not opening them, but I’d have liked to see them open the gifts we got them. I suggested twice we open the gifts now and DS kept saying no no keep them for Christmas morning.

AIBU to think it’s more fun to open gifts with the giver present than to wait and open them alone? DH thinks it’s not a big deal and it gives us an excuse to FaceTime them on Christmas morning. He also thinks DS might just be wanting some things to open on Christmas morning as his girlfriend is French so they are doing their gifts to each other on Christmas Eve after her french Christmas dinner.

When our kids were small we always had them open the gifts in front of the giver if it was reasonably close to Christmas (within about a week), so this a pretty new thing for DS to be passionate about.

OP posts:
Glitchymn1 · 24/12/2025 06:10

Fuckoffeasypeelers · 23/12/2025 13:30

Eurgh I hate the " I want to see your face" thing
A friend used to do this and it was so me me me and main character , very off putting and stressful to the point I would have preferred no gift at all.
Its lovely to have a little stash of gifts under the tree and to open them on Christmas Day

This ^ you don’t have to pretend either or hide disappointment🤣

Followthatpath · 24/12/2025 08:48

Totally understand! It’s lovely to share the moment. My DCs now video call me as they open their gifts. We kind of got into the habit during birthdays at university. It’s not the same but it’s a great compromise!

MyMiniMetro · 24/12/2025 08:49

I can’t believe you said this ‘out loud.’ You know this is a bit needy and you-centric right?

To be fair you also perfectly illustrate why people slip into thoughtless ‘this-will-do’ gift buying. For some people, if they don’t get the boost to their ego from seeing the gift opening, there’s no point putting in effort. Don’t become that person.

Your DH stepped in to save you from embarrassing neediness. Thank him, he’s a good man.

StCuntyMcCunterson · 24/12/2025 12:25

My granny used to always insist we opened presents in front of her and she’d make us move to her chosen location so she could see us open whatever gift. I understand the desire but it made it into the most awkward parade. Particularly, as it would always be something not really for me - for example I mention I like a flower in July and it’s a completely different flower set of something that suits her but not me and I think the thought is sweet but it makes me feel so awful and fake. I tried hinting that I do like flowers but not too many or similar.

he probably wanted to save that awful feeling and save any awkwardness for his girlfriend - assuming there isn’t any with you because you’re his mum.

just be really wary of pushing them when they settle down. It’s incredibly easy to push them away.

StCuntyMcCunterson · 24/12/2025 12:29

Also… how many christmases have you had the pleasure of him opening gifts - just focus on that.

cardibach · 24/12/2025 12:45

ladyamy · 23/12/2025 14:16

In front of the giver, always

So hardly anything to open on Christmas Day then? I don’t get it. Open everything Christmas Day and then thank the giver by phone/text/card/when you see them.

Rainydayinlondon · 24/12/2025 13:16

I agree with you OP. You were having a mini Christmas thag day… he’s not a child thag he needs to save them.
I fact I think your DH could have had a quiet word to explain that part of the joy is seeing people open them.

SoPunkontheInternet · 24/12/2025 13:18

Oh I find opening gifts in front of the giver painful.
for both parties 🙈

readingmakesmehappy · 24/12/2025 14:07

You’re making the gift about you, not about him.
My MIL is like this, insistent we open gifts with them before Christmas if that’s the last time we’ll be with them so she can see and it makes me really uncomfortable.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 24/12/2025 14:39

I hate opening gifts in front of the giver. It really puts you on the spot!

mummabubs · 24/12/2025 15:02

Honestly, my SiL is like this and it makes me feel so awkward. She also says she gets joy from seeing the reaction of the recipient to the gift. But I view this as quite selfish if I'm honest. I put a lot of thought into gifts when buying but don't feel I need the validation from the person I'm giving it to. As a recipient it makes me feel really pressured when she gives me a gift as I know the expectation is that I'll have to look really overexcited and happy, even if the gift isn't something I'd have picked, so it's not even always a genuine response she's after!
Unfortunately my 5yo DS hasn't quite got the hang of empathy yet and didn't hold back at all last Christmas from saying he thought his gift was "boring and babyish", so I then had the added embarrassment of trying to placate SiL when truth be told I kind of agreed with DS!

mondaytosunday · 24/12/2025 15:09

Agree. I gave a friend a present - wouldn’t normally but she had me over for dinner last week. It was not expensive but she couldn’t get it except from me as it’s from where my son lives. I was anticipating her pleasure on opening it! She just put it down and said she’d keep it for later. I felt if I insisted it would make it seem a bigger deal than it was - like I said it wasn’t expensive. But yea I would have liked her to have opened it there and then.

DappledThings · 24/12/2025 15:13

Either is fine and it's no big deal. If you've gone to the trouble of making sure you've exchanged before Christmas I would expect to wait until Christmas to open.

Personally if I'm forced to receive a present then having to actually open it in front of the person is even worse.

Zanatdy · 24/12/2025 15:18

My 21yr old is going to his GF’s parents this year (they live together now so alternating has started) and they opened a few bigger gifts yesterday. It was nice to see their reaction and DS has been using his gift this morning.

amigafan2003 · 24/12/2025 18:02

YABU

Sounds like the gift you have bought your DS is to make you happy, not him.

Laura95167 · 24/12/2025 18:04

If you bought it for him, its for his happiness then let him have it for Christmas day if he wants.

Its not generous to make the gift about you

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 24/12/2025 18:07

I think either is fine - if he wants to save your present that's rather sweet.

Other than that, you gotta be a grown up here.

bridgetreilly · 24/12/2025 18:12

YABU. While it’s nice to be there when your presents are opened, it’s really sad not to have the presents to open on Christmas Day. Let them enjoy their Christmas.

Itsmetheflamingo · 24/12/2025 18:14

YAbU. I find it so selfish when people do this- and they do it so vocally and guilt trippy too. You don’t give presents to get your own needs and satisfactions met, they’re supposed to be given without ties.

DreamOfTheRarebitFiend · 24/12/2025 18:44

Arrien · 23/12/2025 13:35

I just want to say, it’s not a big deal and I’m not suggesting it is! I was just disappointed! We aren’t starting a family war or being controlling! I think it’s fair that I’m allowed to express how I’d do things, they express how they want to do things and we reach a compromise!

What would the compromise be in this situation?

Purlant · 24/12/2025 18:52

babasaclover · 23/12/2025 18:23

@Arrienas a grown up child who tried to avoid my family for a few years to do their own thing I totally get this. They wanted their own thing and you travelled to see them anyway AND tried to force them to open your gifts immediately.

please please give them breathing space or they’ll never want you around Xmas again

Edited

But then she can’t find 5 minutes to call her own son Christmas morning to see him open them as she wanted!!!! It seems very selfish, everything in her terms, even though by sparing a few minutes to call she could get the outcome she wished for.

ShesTheAlbatross · 24/12/2025 18:54

I hate opening presents in front of people. I’m just instantly incredibly aware of my face and whether I look happy enough, but also not looking fake happy. It makes me really uncomfortable.

SwirlyShirly · 24/12/2025 18:58

I really don’t like opening gifts in front of people! And I married in to a ‘take it in turns to open gifts one at a time’ family. Sucks to me me tomorrow!

Itsmetheflamingo · 24/12/2025 19:19

mummabubs · 24/12/2025 15:02

Honestly, my SiL is like this and it makes me feel so awkward. She also says she gets joy from seeing the reaction of the recipient to the gift. But I view this as quite selfish if I'm honest. I put a lot of thought into gifts when buying but don't feel I need the validation from the person I'm giving it to. As a recipient it makes me feel really pressured when she gives me a gift as I know the expectation is that I'll have to look really overexcited and happy, even if the gift isn't something I'd have picked, so it's not even always a genuine response she's after!
Unfortunately my 5yo DS hasn't quite got the hang of empathy yet and didn't hold back at all last Christmas from saying he thought his gift was "boring and babyish", so I then had the added embarrassment of trying to placate SiL when truth be told I kind of agreed with DS!

Mine too. The thing I find weirdest is it’s just normal stuff that everyone buys each other- the expectant look when you open a Micheal Korrs scarf and glove set from TK Maxx is really cringe

shes also nagged people into trying on their clothes presents- there and then- in case she needs to return them, so leave the present opening to go upstairs and try on a dress or similar- and has even taken something away when she judges they don’t like it.

it’s like we’re all suffering from her Xmas anxiety and stress and it’s dominating the day

Lamentingalways · 24/12/2025 19:49

I think asking someone to open their Christmas gift before Christmas or their birthday gift before their birthday is a bit odd if they don’t choose to open it when it’s given to them. If they wanted to do they would have done it. Asking once, when exchanging gifts might just be clarifying whether you’re both opening now or later and avoiding any mixed signals but to ask twice seems a little weird. Especially when your husband felt the need to step in, it just have been awkward (even though you’re saying it’s not a big deal). He clearly didn’t want to open it. It doesn’t really matter if any of us think it’s nicer to do it in front of the gift giver, ultimately it’s the choice of the recipient. I think he’s reached the age where he wants to open his gifts with his partner by his side and share the joy with her. It’s just life and kids getting older. My eldest doesn’t give gifts until she sees us (almost always after the event) and it’s not how I would choose to do it (I always make sure they have theirs before the appropriate day even if that means posting) it but it’s her choice and I accept that.