Opening presents on Christmas Day vs in front of the giver

[Arrien]

DS is in his mid-twenties, for the first time ever he’s not coming home for Christmas, he and his girlfriend are celebrating with their friends at home. Yesterday we got a 2.5 hour train down to him and back to exchange gifts and have lunch with him and his girlfriend. I put a lot of thought into their gifts as did DH and for both of them we bought something that we knew they’d be thrilled to receive. To me part of the joy of gift giving is seeing them open their presents but DS insisted on keeping a hold of them until Christmas Day. We also took presents from grandparents and his brother so I understand not opening them, but I’d have liked to see them open the gifts we got them. I suggested twice we open the gifts now and DS kept saying no no keep them for Christmas morning.

AIBU to think it’s more fun to open gifts with the giver present than to wait and open them alone? DH thinks it’s not a big deal and it gives us an excuse to FaceTime them on Christmas morning. He also thinks DS might just be wanting some things to open on Christmas morning as his girlfriend is French so they are doing their gifts to each other on Christmas Eve after her french Christmas dinner.

When our kids were small we always had them open the gifts in front of the giver if it was reasonably close to Christmas (within about a week), so this a pretty new thing for DS to be passionate about.

I hate opening gifts in front of people and I like to open all the presents on Christmas day, so sorry, I think you're YABU

I always save for the day. Same with birthdays. I also prefer people to open their presents from me when I’m not there. I always worry they won’t like it and I’ll be able to tell.

This! It’s so awkward.

One good thing about Christmas is it allows you to avoid this and have time to rehearse appropriate thanks in your head if you aren’t actually that thrilled.

Also, it’s nice to have a stack of presents on Christmas Day, and to have the anticipation. I can’t believe you made your children open their presents in a piecemeal way as children to please the givers.

I understand this with little people but he's in his twenties......Please do not facetime to watch him opening 😑

Unless the gift is given after Christmas it waits till Christmas Day.

I also hate performance opening being watched and judge for my reaction or lack of reaction. Like oh lovely some Christmas socks 😃

Makes the gift about the givers enjoyment over the enjoyment of the recipient.

I hate FaceTime calls Christmas Day even with the children. It just cuts in your day. I know both granny’s are going to try and FaceTime and whoever ends up delayed as they are already on a call is going to get grumpy.

My parents won’t take a hint that cool bye now you have to spell it out.
He will get grumpy his parents aren’t prioritised for first face time if mine gets in first but his mothers so bloody nosey she wants to see everything.

I excuse myself to another room and come back with excuses of I’ve made breakfast bye 😅

In front of the giver, always

Yes, but now that he has moved out and is in his own place he can decide how he/ they do things. No need to compromise. You have done it your way in your house, and still can when he visits!

Your DH jumping in suggests he might have thought you were going to keep pushing? That might have been a problem.

I never open gifts before birthday / Christmas & I hate people nagging me to do so. Makes me tempted to give them back.

When it's your own parents who really care about your reaction and are excited about their gift, yes its a bit mean not to do it in front of them.

I don’t mind at all normally with friends etc. but we got DS something he’s been looking for, for years but unable to get and technically a joint gift but tickets to a sporting event I know his girlfriend has been desperate to go to but been unable to get tickets for. DS’s gift took months of searching and the joint gift involved me cancelling a work meeting as the tickets sell out so fast, that I had to be online and ready to go for the release. I think when you know it’s something they will really love and you put a lot of working into making it happen it can be nice to see their reactions. I care less about the other items which while I know they will like them took much less effort to get!

Are you maybe more upset that this will be the first Christmas Day without him rather than the gift opening?

I think it’s sweet, he wants the magic of opening a pile of gifts on Christmas morning! I couldn’t get too upset about this. Unless of course he’s one of these people who don’t say thank you. If I didn’t get an effusive and genuine thanks on the phone after he’s opened it I’d be pissed off.

Could be as other people said but could it be his girlfriend’s culture? My oh is from a different culture and gifts are opened privately and he explained it’s seen as rude to open the gift in front of the giver

Me too. In fact I think I'm worse as I'm seeing family members after Christmas and will still insist that they take their presents home with them and open them in their own time/space to save them any potential arkwardness.

@Arrienas a grown up child who tried to avoid my family for a few years to do their own thing I totally get this. They wanted their own thing and you travelled to see them anyway AND tried to force them to open your gifts immediately.

please please give them breathing space or they’ll never want you around Xmas again

I know I’ll be sad when my daughter is grown and does grown up things like saving her Christmas presents. But I do it now. If I get a present, it goes under the tree so I’ve more to open!

I’m making my daughter save her presents from our Scottish family and my god is it killing her 🤣

Oh ffs, let the MAN choose when to open his gift, he's not a child! His partner must be dreading the type of mil you will become with that type of controlling push.

youre being unreasonable, he's not a little kid anymore.
I HATE opening presents in front of others I find it so awkward. Especially if you have a track record of not giving 'great' presents and having to act super happy lol

Yes this is basically it. It's hard to no longer be the matriarch of Christmas and learn to take a step back and let them come up with their own traditions. It's harder when they have kids because you have to butt out to a certain degree. I think it's harder with boys as men tend to just follow what their wife does and discard any traditions.

I hate opening presents in front of people. There’s so much pressure and anticipation on their part it feels very uncomfortable. I’d much rather do it later.

Sorry yabu. Even you understood that he might have wanted to save it for Christmas Day because he will be swapping gifts Christmas Eve with his girlfriend. He wants to have a piece of his traditional Christmas instead of it being just an excuse to exchange gifts. That’s actually very sweet and as it seems to be his first Christmas away from you it’s probably very important to him to hold on to that. While I understand wanting to see someone open their gifts it’s a little selfish to push and get annoyed when they want to save it for the actual special day.

Noooooooo! Utterly cringey.

I’ve never opened a gift in front of the giver. I always keep the gifts until the occasion and enjoy opening on the day of occasion. I find it performative and frankly, a lot of pressure, to open in front of gift giver ( I mean, what if they think they got me the best gift ever and I actually hate it?unfortunately my face will show how I feel about a gift before I even open my mouth)

Am sure he and his girlfriend will appreciate all the effort you and your DH went to when they open it on Christmas Day, the important thing is you got to spend time with him before Christmas and it’s his choice when to open it. Have you thought that maybe he wanted to wait until Christmas Day as it’s his first Christmas without you so it feels like you are still part of the day. Surely even with a houseful of guests you can take 10 minutes out to FaceTime your son?