Would you cut off someone that lied about having a child?

[Spenning]

In my workplace a colleague aged around 50 has lied about having an adult child. She has no children at all. Would you cut her off if she was a friend -or try and understand her behaviour and forgive her?

I think I would feel rather sad. And shuffle discreetly away from the situation. Not brave, just that I really do not do drama real or imagined at work.

I’d assume that there was some sad back story to it

There’s a person where I work who tells the most outrageous lies. So easy to prove , we just laugh , roll our eyes and say ok. It’s so ridiculous.

How the fuck do you cut off a work colleague? Refuse to work with them? Start excluding them from nights out? Walk out when they enter the room? Yeah, that would get you sacked in very short order in most places.

In that case she was TOTALLY right th lie about her Dad for personal safety issues.

I myself have lied for personal safety reasons although I’m in different circumstances

No sorry to be confusing I meant she is a work colleague so can’t cut her off but if you had a friend like this would you cut her off?

I wouldn't avoid them. There can be all kinds of reasons for people to lie and make stuff up. One of the most common is she feels the odd one out and has been given a hard time in the past for having no kids.

I have no kids, and it still gets brought up a lot and gets tedious! "Why have you got no kids, MungofP?"

I am self-assured enough to just answer truthfully but some people may have wanted kids and can't have them, or are less confident.

I sometimes don't want to explain to people that I'm a widow so I don't correct them when they assume I have a husband.

Totally understandable

Like this?
If she was a friend, it would become more apparent what the situation was and whether she was 'like this' or not.
All you've said is that your colleague lied about having an adult child. I don't think you can draw any conclusions from this one thing.

I don’t think I would cut off a colleague - they are just a colleague.

I would find it weird though.

How do you know she doesn’t and has never had any children?

if she said things like she needs the week off because she need to take her child to the hospital for an operation when they don’t exist. Or crying in work because her child is seriously ill or asked for donations towards experimental medical treatment for her child then I would be keeping my distance. If she has lied about it over trivial things like PP said ‘ daughter went to tener wife last year and liked it’ or because like other posters have said about being widowed or dangerous dad then I would be completely fine with this and be supportive. It really depends how much she is idioma this lie and for what reasons

I was thinking about this overnight.

I have a very good friend who adopted two children when they were very young. Things were incredibly difficult and after years of trauma and distress one of the children as an adult ended up repeatedly in jail and losing access to his own children. At a certain point he had a habit of violently assaulting his adoptive parents.

At her husband's funeral they referenced only one child. Everyone who knows her very well and for years knows the sad sad story there is. No-one said a thing about her supposed only child.

I imagine that - as life is ever so much more complicated than can be ideal - it may be that your colleague has a sad story. There may not be, of course, but tbh I think I'd leave it and operate on the assumption that she is not necessarily lying.

I’d wonder why the lie.
The woman may have desperately wanted children and it just didn’t happen.
Life can be unfair.
What might have started small with a misunderstanding, just grew.

If she was a good friend I’d certainly try to understand. If she’s just a work colleague I’d think she was a bit odd but none of my business.

We had a work colleague who did this. It turned out that her daughter had died at the age of 13 and she never accepted it. It was very sad.

How do know she doesn’t have an adult child?

I have an adult son, he doesn’t live at home and none of my work colleagues have ever met him or seen evidence of his existence, perhaps they don’t believe me.

If she had a child that had died she would still have had a child. Maybe doesn't tell people about the child's death because she doesn't want to have to be saying it time and time again x

She’s obviously a bit of a weirdo and I’d not want to socialise with her on the outside but I’d assume she’s either schizophrenic or she lost a child and it was easier to just carry on with the story rather than explain and then it’s hard to get out of it.

I know it’s not the same but I still talk like my dogs alive and if you asked my colleagues they’d think I had a dog still.
I just can’t cope with the reality that I don’t anymore and I can’t cope with having that conversation with someone.
I don’t intentionally bring her up though.

Any yes how do you know for certain she doesn’t have an adult child?

They could be estranged or just live in a different country and don’t see each other mum.

My sister left her kids with her ex but would lie about seeing them because she was ashamed about it.
I know dads who do this all the time - pretend they see their kids way more than they actually do.

Bit of context? Maybe they are estranged? Maybe she raised a child for a few years because the parents were not able to? And in view of that, views him as hers. I know that can be difficult for a biological parent to understand but for someone to take care of a child as the primary carer for many years will forge very close bonds.
As far as forgiving, what difference does it make to her if she is only your work colleague? Just treat her as you need to to avoid issues with hr.
As far as if she were a friend goes, well, yes definitely, otherwise what’s the point of her being your friend???
tho tbf if she is making this up then she needs understanding and compassion and if you are asking if she should be forgiven rather then trying to help, you may not be the sort of friend she needs, bless you

I think on balance this is a good stance to take !

I had a colleague with an adult son who had actually died in accident years before I met her.
She always however talked about him as if he was still around, never mentioned the accident to me directly.
You can never know someone else’s trauma. I would also say her personal life as a colleague is none of your business.
Who knows what her reasons are but best not to jump the gun and judge.

Very very true