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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel sad that I meant so little to my ex?

65 replies

LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 16:15

My ex of 2 years went from discussing marriage and children to breaking up a month later six months ago. I was utterly heartbroken as I thought he was the love of my life. On the day we split he told me he loved me and I was his best friend but didn't think we could overcome certain things (that he had never raised before so that we even had a chance to work them out).

After this, I never heard from him again. That really surprised me as I thought he would check in at some point.

During the time we were together he was getting a PhD and those were dark times. He was frequently in a low and difficult mood throughout the process, I was there giving him pep talks and lifting him up. On the day he got his result I laughed and cried happy tears, we went to celebrate etc.

So I haven't looked at his social media at all until a few days ago I saw the acknowledgements he wrote for his PhD - he thanks his family, then he thanks his EX WIFE, and not only that, but his bloody ex wife's cat was mentioned as moral support throughout.

I'm upset because break ups happen but it has made me realise just how little I ever meant to him. I still feel he was the love of my life so far so to see that nonsense in print and know he thinks so little of our relationship together hurts a lot. And also to realise what a prat he is.

OP posts:
Boomer55 · 22/12/2025 16:16

Well, now you’ve realised, you can move on sticking two fingers up at him. All good. 👍

LiftAndLetLift · 22/12/2025 16:18

Oh that stings!

I can only assume he's been sleeping with his ex wife.

Also, him being moody and you needing to 'lift him up' during his studying is a huge red flag.

He sounds like a self centered piece of shit.

TheSlantedOwl · 22/12/2025 16:18

Self absorbed dick head. Thank god he’s fucked off really OP. He utilised your empathy and supportive energy and took it completely for granted.

I imagine he may be angling to get back with his ex potentially, but either way he’s just shown himself, and his sulky moody ways, to be not worth a moments thought.

ScrambledEggs12 · 22/12/2025 16:18

Bit confused, does this mean he was with you and his ex wife while doing his PhD?

Original poster
LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 16:19

@Boomer55 the problem is I never got the chance. I was in such shock when he told me he was leaving me I was completely calm and gave him the 'bye then' treatment, got him to send back only important belongings.

I now regret not giving him a piece of my mind. And I can't help wondering why he stayed so close to his ex wife and yet never spoke to me again?

OP posts:
Original poster
LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 16:19

@ScrambledEggs12 his ex wife lives in another country (his home country). He would generally see her once a year so he must've been talking to online.

OP posts:
LiftAndLetLift · 22/12/2025 16:20

LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 16:19

@Boomer55 the problem is I never got the chance. I was in such shock when he told me he was leaving me I was completely calm and gave him the 'bye then' treatment, got him to send back only important belongings.

I now regret not giving him a piece of my mind. And I can't help wondering why he stayed so close to his ex wife and yet never spoke to me again?

No, you did the right thing by staying calm and not saying anything.

Fuck him.

You have full dignity 😊

Original poster
LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 16:20

@TheSlantedOwl yeah, seems like a big declaration towards her doesn't it? And what I found significant was he actually described her as 'my ex wife' not 'my friend' as he apparently was now.

What a leech.

OP posts:
ScrambledEggs12 · 22/12/2025 16:21

As much as it hurts right now, it sounds like you're best off out of it!

Original poster
LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 16:21

@LiftAndLetLift thank you!

But even after seeing that in print the other night, I came very close to telling him he was an utter wanker before blocking. I sort of think he deserves to hear it. He got off completely scot free.

OP posts:
x2boys · 22/12/2025 16:21

LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 16:19

@Boomer55 the problem is I never got the chance. I was in such shock when he told me he was leaving me I was completely calm and gave him the 'bye then' treatment, got him to send back only important belongings.

I now regret not giving him a piece of my mind. And I can't help wondering why he stayed so close to his ex wife and yet never spoke to me again?

Well ge married her
Was the relationship longer
Did they have kids?
Tbh as hard a it is there is no point in dwelling on it its over block him and move on.

Original poster
LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 16:22

@x2boys yes he did but they divorced and they had no kids.

I was the one that was by his side during the PhD, only now I'm realising she must have been providing ongoing virtual support.

What hurts is being erased from his life.

OP posts:
x2boys · 22/12/2025 16:23

LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 16:21

@LiftAndLetLift thank you!

But even after seeing that in print the other night, I came very close to telling him he was an utter wanker before blocking. I sort of think he deserves to hear it. He got off completely scot free.

What did he get off Scott free from?
As hard as it is hes allowed to end the relationship.

UneFoisAuChalet · 22/12/2025 16:24

I only thanked my mother. Not my husband even though he was there at the tail.

He probably didn’t want to look back at it years later and see the name of someone he dated for a brief period of time.

LiftAndLetLift · 22/12/2025 16:25

LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 16:21

@LiftAndLetLift thank you!

But even after seeing that in print the other night, I came very close to telling him he was an utter wanker before blocking. I sort of think he deserves to hear it. He got off completely scot free.

I can guarantee whatever you said to him, it wouldn't sink in or bother him in the slightest. You would be made out to be 'crazy'.

And you'd regret having said anything!

Honestly, he's clearly selfish and a dick, he isn't capable of being an a healthy, happy relationship. Hes already been through one wife.

The best thing you can do is be happy. Live a wonderful life that doesn't include him! He didn't deserve you.

Sartre · 22/12/2025 16:25

The wake up call should be both the fact he dumped you suddenly and has had nothing to do with you since- not the actions of a man in love I’m afraid. Also that he clearly never lost touch with his ex wife who evidently means a lot to him, hence the gushing acknowledgement.

PhD’s are brutal so it’s shit he used you for support then ditched you when it was over but it says a lot about his character. You’re better off without. Block him.

x2boys · 22/12/2025 16:25

LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 16:22

@x2boys yes he did but they divorced and they had no kids.

I was the one that was by his side during the PhD, only now I'm realising she must have been providing ongoing virtual support.

What hurts is being erased from his life.

I get that but its over for your own sake its healthier to just move on
You will drive yourself mad wondering why ,its just not worth it.

Original poster
LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 16:26

@LiftAndLetLift yes and his ex wife divorced him. I think it shocked me, as now I think he was holding a candle the whole time we were together.

It's hard to think otherwise.

OP posts:
x2boys · 22/12/2025 16:27

LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 16:26

@LiftAndLetLift yes and his ex wife divorced him. I think it shocked me, as now I think he was holding a candle the whole time we were together.

It's hard to think otherwise.

Well than you are better off out of it.

Sartre · 22/12/2025 16:27

UneFoisAuChalet · 22/12/2025 16:24

I only thanked my mother. Not my husband even though he was there at the tail.

He probably didn’t want to look back at it years later and see the name of someone he dated for a brief period of time.

2 years isn’t 2 months and he was happy to mention his other ex. Granted they were married but how long were they together?

I didn’t acknowledge anyone from my personal life in mine, only my supervisor.

Original poster
LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 16:29

@Sartre and yet it was him that brought up wanting to have kids, discussing timeline etc, one month before. Even saying he loved me during the break up.

I feel badly treated and regret the time wasted. I feel like a fool. It's like seeing my foolishness in print. There's the proof.

My family also took him out for a fancy meal when he got his PhD as they welcomed him as part of the family (especially since his own family were abroad).

OP posts:
Original poster
LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 16:29

Break ups happen. People can leave. It just felt like a final kick in the teeth. Even the ex wife's cat mentioned!

OP posts:
Boomer55 · 22/12/2025 16:31

LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 16:19

@Boomer55 the problem is I never got the chance. I was in such shock when he told me he was leaving me I was completely calm and gave him the 'bye then' treatment, got him to send back only important belongings.

I now regret not giving him a piece of my mind. And I can't help wondering why he stayed so close to his ex wife and yet never spoke to me again?

I don’t know - people (both sexes) do odd and unpleasant things at times. But, it’s best for you to just move forwards now - you can’t change it. 😉

Baby2duejuly2026 · 22/12/2025 16:35

If you were my friend I’d be telling you yes it’s hurtful, yes it’s horrible to break up and I’m sure you supported him but… you need to move on. Even if you are still missing him or hurting you need to come off his social media, mute him if you have to or unfriend him.

2 years is a decent chunk but… it’s not LONG long term. You will find someone who values you and everything will make sense.

Maybe he was talking to his ex wife during your relationship, maybe he wasn’t, who knows. Maybe he’s got closer to her since you broke up which is why he mentioned her on his post, who knows.

Breath and let go

Sartre · 22/12/2025 16:35

LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 16:29

@Sartre and yet it was him that brought up wanting to have kids, discussing timeline etc, one month before. Even saying he loved me during the break up.

I feel badly treated and regret the time wasted. I feel like a fool. It's like seeing my foolishness in print. There's the proof.

My family also took him out for a fancy meal when he got his PhD as they welcomed him as part of the family (especially since his own family were abroad).

At this time of year, I would try super hard not to sit overanalysing it. You’re clearly worth more than a cat in the real world, he’s just an asshat. I’d guess he’s trying to get back with his ex wife, if they aren’t already together again. Men are pretty transparent, they tend to leave when they have someone else in mind.