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Original poster

to feel sad that I meant so little to my ex?

65 replies

LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 16:15

My ex of 2 years went from discussing marriage and children to breaking up a month later six months ago. I was utterly heartbroken as I thought he was the love of my life. On the day we split he told me he loved me and I was his best friend but didn't think we could overcome certain things (that he had never raised before so that we even had a chance to work them out).

After this, I never heard from him again. That really surprised me as I thought he would check in at some point.

During the time we were together he was getting a PhD and those were dark times. He was frequently in a low and difficult mood throughout the process, I was there giving him pep talks and lifting him up. On the day he got his result I laughed and cried happy tears, we went to celebrate etc.

So I haven't looked at his social media at all until a few days ago I saw the acknowledgements he wrote for his PhD - he thanks his family, then he thanks his EX WIFE, and not only that, but his bloody ex wife's cat was mentioned as moral support throughout.

I'm upset because break ups happen but it has made me realise just how little I ever meant to him. I still feel he was the love of my life so far so to see that nonsense in print and know he thinks so little of our relationship together hurts a lot. And also to realise what a prat he is.

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Happyjoe · 22/12/2025 16:37

When I was younger and had a difficult break up, I would go get a bottle of champers, nothing but the best, lol. Drink it all (or as much as I could manage), allow myself one teary, drunken night to howl and cry, then next morning vow to move on. You know, it worked wonders. I refused to let my mind wander to 'what if's' or 'how could he...'. That stuff eats up your soul.

Not that am telling you to get drunk, lol, but perhaps allow yourself one more day to feel everything you need to feel then try to let it go and let him go mentally. You can't change people, just the way you react to it. Good luck OP, I hope you find some peace soon.

GooseyGandalf · 22/12/2025 16:39

I don’t think you should feel like a fool, but there are lessons to be learned.

It sounds like a relationship where you were giving a lot more than you were getting back. Why did that dynamic feel comfortable to you? I don’t mean the logical reasons, I’m talking about the basic emotional comfort level. Did it mimic a relationship dynamic you observed as a child, were you subconsciously role playing a fix to your parents marriage, etc.

Elektra1 · 22/12/2025 16:40

He wasn’t the love of your life because he didn’t choose you. I’m sorry that’s harsh but it’s true. When my ex left me for OW I really felt I’d lost the love of my life too. I still feel sad about it sometimes but realised she wasn’t the love of my life because if she had been, she could never have treated me that way.

Time is a great healer. You are a special person and anyone you’re with should think you’re the most amazing person they’ve ever met. Not just “nice for now”.

Original poster
LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 16:40

@Sartre he literally spent his time writing the PhD with me and MY cat. Who died before he finished it. So all three of us lived together.

Yeah the erasure angers me. I can't help it. It hurts to not be the one he wanted to marry. His ex wife left him and I suspect he's barking up the wrong tree trying to get her back. But who knows.

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Original poster
LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 16:41

My anger is belated because I blocked him months ago but just thought I'd have a 'last look' at his social media. This is the consequence. 🙃

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dijonketchup · 22/12/2025 16:45

Does it not help a bit OP, to find out how ridiculous he was being during the breakup?

You might have carried a torch a bit longer given he was the ‘love of your life,’ now you can write him off completely as ‘that dick that thanked his ex wife in his PhD’ and it’s a great story…

x2boys · 22/12/2025 16:47

LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 16:40

@Sartre he literally spent his time writing the PhD with me and MY cat. Who died before he finished it. So all three of us lived together.

Yeah the erasure angers me. I can't help it. It hurts to not be the one he wanted to marry. His ex wife left him and I suspect he's barking up the wrong tree trying to get her back. But who knows.

Either ,he doesn't feel the same way about you as you feel about him ,
Im not trying to hurt you but for whatever reason he just didnt feel the relationship was working
He's allowed to feel that however painful it is for you
It honestly isn't a reflection on you .

Original poster
LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 16:48

@dijonketchup do you mean by saying all that stuff about how I was his best friend and loved me etc? Fine way of showing it eh.

Although I'm angry now I'm actually glad I unblocked and had a look - because I've been romanticising him as this great guy I lost.

I don't think that acknowledgement covers him in glory to all the friends and family who knew me. At least an eyebrow or two raised surely.

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AnxiousArmadillo · 22/12/2025 16:48

And also to realise what a prat he is.
I love this line OP. Stick with it.

XWKD · 22/12/2025 16:49

LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 16:41

My anger is belated because I blocked him months ago but just thought I'd have a 'last look' at his social media. This is the consequence. 🙃

If you blocked him, why did you expect him to check in on you?

mamajong · 22/12/2025 16:49

Stop looking back, youre not going that way. Block him on all socials and focus on building the life you want. Sometimes we cant get answers we want or closure, its ok to wallow and feel sad for a little bit, but 6 months down the line, stop checking his socials and let it go.

Original poster
LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 16:50

@XWKD I blocked him on one social media platform - it's the only place he posts updates on his life and could see mine.

I didn't block his number and he's never reached out.

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chattychatchatty · 22/12/2025 16:54

Totally understand you feeling hurt and that he should have made mention of you ; but equally, you two are completely out of contact whereas he must still be in contact with ex W. So to mention you and your cat in the post might have seemed out of place; I’m sure that doesn’t mean he’s forgotten all about you, though, nor that he doesn’t appreciate the time you had together.

TheRealMagic · 22/12/2025 16:59

I'm a bit confused by the timing - it sounds like you were still with him for his viva, so surely when he wrote his acknowledgements? Did he write this when you were together?

Original poster
LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 17:00

@chattychatchatty it's the fact he chose to never contact me again yet maintain a close friendship (or whatever) with his ex wife.

I didn't necessarily expect a mention - his family makes sense - but to include his ex wife when I was there day to day? Those acknowledgements are to thank people who were present in the moment. By mentioning the ex wife but not me who was actually by his side is like the middle finger.

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Eyeshadow · 22/12/2025 17:01

How long was he doing his phd before he got with you?

I do not understand how you can be living together for 2/4 years and the hardest years - you were the one who supported him in person but he acknowledged someone that wasn’t there and wasn’t even in the country!

Unless she was really important in his phd and talked him through all of it - but then why mention her cat, surely it should be your cat?!

Have you actually seen this with your own 2 eyes - if not then I wouldn’t believe it until you do as it just doesn’t make sense.

Perhaps he wants to get back with the ex but to acknowledge her in his PhD is still weird.

I would have to call him out on it.

Original poster
LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 17:01

TheRealMagic · 22/12/2025 16:59

I'm a bit confused by the timing - it sounds like you were still with him for his viva, so surely when he wrote his acknowledgements? Did he write this when you were together?

see, this is what really worries me!

He finished and passed the PhD four months before we split up. Google tells me that acknowledgements can be adjusted later but I'm actually very concerned that he wrote that while we were still together.

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Original poster
LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 17:02

@Eyeshadow calling him out is tempting. Except I'd just want to call him out by saying I know what you are and then blocking.

I've seen it with my own eyes - it's totally legit.

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TheRealMagic · 22/12/2025 17:03

Incidentally, as someone who is still good friends with an ex - it is actually much easier the less passion and romantic love that is left between you. I can be friends with my ex because there is no hurt and no longing there - we were the classic 'drifted apart'. So I wouldn't take the fact he is friends with her but cut off contact with you as a slight on the strength of the relationship.

TheRealMagic · 22/12/2025 17:06

LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 17:01

see, this is what really worries me!

He finished and passed the PhD four months before we split up. Google tells me that acknowledgements can be adjusted later but I'm actually very concerned that he wrote that while we were still together.

Show quote history

Did he get major corrections, and so has only recently really finished it? Or has he prepared the thesis in a new form, for publication? I am also confused as to why he would write and post on social media acknowledgements 10 months (if I'm calculating the time correctly) after passing it - I'd expect it all to have been done, dusted, final version submitted months ago.

Hankunamatata · 22/12/2025 17:06

What hurdles did he spout?
Did you financially support him and he lived with you during PhD by any chance?

Original poster
LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 17:09

@TheRealMagic he did get major corrections but it was all done and dusted earlier this year. After he did the major corrections he finally passed.

then he told me he was going to print a copy of his PhD for those closest to him and I asked if I want a copy. I said yes but then the break up happened.

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Original poster
LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 17:10

@Hankunamatata I didn't financially support him. The leeching was all mental and emotional.

Incidentally all his social media posts now read as completely miserable. Looks like his moods weren't just for during the PhD.

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TheRealMagic · 22/12/2025 17:12

I agree this is all very odd - he is definitely deliberately erasing you. I would guess that probably means that you are still taking up a lot of space in his head, rather than none - but either way you are so clearly better off out of this.

Original poster
LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 17:14

@TheRealMagic I think it's cruel and I do really feel like telling him what a piece of shit he is.

I have other exes I'm still in light contact with because we treated each other kindly. This behaviour has felt cruel.

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