to feel sad that I meant so little to my ex?

[LorettaYoung]

My ex of 2 years went from discussing marriage and children to breaking up a month later six months ago. I was utterly heartbroken as I thought he was the love of my life. On the day we split he told me he loved me and I was his best friend but didn't think we could overcome certain things (that he had never raised before so that we even had a chance to work them out).

After this, I never heard from him again. That really surprised me as I thought he would check in at some point.

During the time we were together he was getting a PhD and those were dark times. He was frequently in a low and difficult mood throughout the process, I was there giving him pep talks and lifting him up. On the day he got his result I laughed and cried happy tears, we went to celebrate etc.

So I haven't looked at his social media at all until a few days ago I saw the acknowledgements he wrote for his PhD - he thanks his family, then he thanks his EX WIFE, and not only that, but his bloody ex wife's cat was mentioned as moral support throughout.

I'm upset because break ups happen but it has made me realise just how little I ever meant to him. I still feel he was the love of my life so far so to see that nonsense in print and know he thinks so little of our relationship together hurts a lot. And also to realise what a prat he is.

I don't blame you for feeling this way, OP. To thank the ex-wife AND HER CAT while you were with him during his PhD is a bit mad. How often did he see the cat???

I can see why he might not have wanted to see an ex-girlfriend in there. An ex-spouse can be different, because they can feel like family if you have an amicable break-up and continue being friends.

It's still very hurtful for you, though. It would have been much more decent for him to have thanked you as his friend, at least.

But I'm old enough to have witnessed some SERIOUSLY STRANGE behaviour from people, including behaviour that really shoots themselves in the foot. Who knows why people do the things they do? I'd put it down to the inexplicable weirdness of some people. And some people are more inexplicable than others. I think you've had a lucky escape. I don't like the sound of his moodiness and you being forced into the manic-pixie-dream-girl role ONE BIT. 😡

Sounds like you dodged a bullet. He was future asking you. You dont go from marriage and kids to breaking up in the space of a month. He was leading you on. And honestly it couldnt be putting up with grown men having mood swings. You're better off without him.

You're in the past for him and he didn't see all the support you gave him as anything special. I get it stings, especially the bit about his ex wife's cat. WTF.

It's ok to feel sad that you didn't mean as much to him as you thought while you were planning a future around him but he took what you had to give then dumped you. He wasn't serious, his words were meaningless, he is a selfish user, and it's time to pick yourself up and live your best life. Really give that some thought. What do you want to do for the rest of your life?

Don't send him messages, nasty or otherwise. They would be meaningless to him because he just doesn't care. It also keeps you focused on what's behind you.

@outerspacepotato I've completely changed career path this year and had lots of therapy which has healed me a lot.

But this specific situation stings. You are correct, I obviously didn't mean to him what he said I meant. His ex wife meant a lot more although we were planning a life together and their relationship seemed to be in the past.

I see this as a minor setback. I think I skipped the angry stage in a way. It's good to see him for what he is although it hurts. I think I need to block him everywhere permanently as next step.

Therapy is a great gift to yourself. It sounds like things are looking up and given his behaviour over his phD, you dodged a 357 bullet. Blocking him everywhere is a good move.

I hope your New Year is happy and prosperous.

Do you think many people read or notice these sorts of posts anymore? I bet many people just glance at it and maybe like or love it and move on.

I think you should consider cutting all ties including any social media and move forward. Let him thank who he wants.

Sorry this happened OP. It’s really hurtful when someone you saw a future with can just change and disappear that quickly.
But I also think it’s a lesson not to look at an Ex’s socials. You’d be far less upset if you hadn’t.
If he can delete you from his life that easily you didn’t mean what you thought you did. Focus on the future and living the life you want without him.

Don't look at Dr Dickhead's social media any more. Onwards and upwards, OP.

Exactly that, you can’t romanticise a guy who does this kind of shitty self-centred bollocks.

Onwards and upwards OP x

@dijonketchup thank you.

RE pps saying this is the result of looking at his social media, you're right, but I also have found a level of anger towards him I wouldn't have had without seeing that. Looking at his recent social media posts he actually comes off a bit unhinged.

Whereas I've had six months of therapy and a new start. I won't let this derail me. All - thank you for letting me get this off my chest and helping me see clearly!

Anger is good. It helps sweep out the mental cobwebs.

thank you @XWKD onwards and upwards I hope.

He’s a user and a twat

keep your dignity and don’t say anything. It won’t make him feel bad or reflect.

thanks @HermioneWeasley you're right. He is a user.

He would even bitch to his ex wife about me all while being sweet as pie to her evidently. Red flag. Trying to keep my chin up - it's hard.

Kindly I think you are over reacting a bit since you were only together 2 years and split up months ago.

I had a 4 year relationship where when it ended we didn't keep in touch at all, we would say hello, how are you doing these days if we bumped into each other but nothing more. It never occurred to me to keep in touch with him (nor I presume him me).

I had a 5 year relationship and we are still in contact many years later and went to each other's weddings and babysat each other's kids!

I don't think it is reasonable to expect a mention on social media after a break up. I presume your ex has kept in contact with his ex wife during and after your relationship and considers her a friend (or family). It doen't mean he didn't appreciate your support while you were together or that he wants to get back with her (he might or he might not).

Stay away from his social media and let it go.