To feel irritated when people with older kids who work part time say they have no time for exercise

[headphonequeen]

I feel they are implying I have all the spare time in the world and they’re much busier than me. Probably overreacting but it feels like a bit of a put down to everyone who does make the time for it.

Why do you think you know better than they do what the demands on their time are?

I once read - it’s not that you don’t have time, it’s that you choose not to prioritise it.

A bit like unless someone holds a gun to your head, no one makes you do anything. You chose to do it.

I think lots of people say they don’t have time and really they’ve chosen to prioritise their children, their housework, or their career over other things. It’s absolutely fine, but I do think you need to own your life choices.

i.e. ‘I choose to stay at home with my husband and my children under 5 to support my family and be there for them. It is quite overwhelming at times, and therefore more exercise at 8pm when they’re asleep would make me too tired ’

Not, I have two kids and I don’t have time.

I have generally worked PT, school hours 9-3. Then outside of that, I have dc.

Now I have plenty of time for hobbies and exercise because (a) I am senior enough that I can work flexibly and go for a run during the day or a 5 mile hike and I make up time other places, not everyone has that much flexibility and control over their working hours, some people literally must be logged in 9-3 every day, but (b) I also hand dc off to Dh who works similar PT flexible hours and say, right I’m off for an 8 mile hike and a swim on a Sunday morning.

If I was a single parent with no free time during the school day. Or I was a parent with a partner who worked away or long hours, it would be a lot more difficult.

You're making something about you that has nothing to do with you. They say that, you say something else. Thats OK.

I know I’m definitely overthinking this. I’m talking about secondary school age kids.

@canklesmctacotits · Today 14:37
Go on, admit it - this is about one specific person who’s said this to you, isn’t it? SIL? DS? “Friend”?

it’s specifically my SIL who is always complaining about how busy she is even though her DC are 12 and 14, she works part time and has a cleaner. She is just very condescending about everything I do and this latest comment about my exercise felt like a dig.

People feel guilty for not exercising and make up an excuse, that's all it is. Totally normal human behaviour

YABU

I've got all the time in the world to exercise but don't. Just can't be bothered with it.

It's because their time is more valuable than yours 😉

Maybe they’re busy with other things. It’s not only work that takes up time. Some people don’t work but are still busy with children, caring for parents etc.

I exercise 5 times a week but I couldn’t care less if others do or whether they say they don’t have time. Maybe they genuinely don’t have time, maybe they just don’t prioritise it or maybe it’s an excuse. Either way, it’s their issue and if they do happen to be insinuating something bad about me, I wouldn’t care about the opinion of someone who would say it to in some way make a dig about me.

I don’t agree with that. Exercising keeps me physically and mentally well, which my family and friends definitely benefit from, not just me.

I work part time with a 7 and 4 yr old. 7 yr old really requires both parents in the house as much as possible and needs closely supervised due to asn. I have other barriers to exercise in the form of ankle problems and previous broken bones which make going a run impossible these days. Ideally I want to strength train but there's nowhere in our home currently to keep weights (working on extending into attic for storage which will change this) that's safe from kids. I struggle to keep on top of the house so feel like all my 'soare' time goes on this. So currently exercise is a daily dog walk and the odd yoga video.

I want to go to a weights class locally but genuinely with commute, kids pick up and bedtime and asn child who doesn't sleep through we're struggling to find the time for it. In the new year we're hoping bedtimes will be easier as we're making some changes and should be able to plan exercise 1 evening per week each and a session each at the weekend or on a weekday morning off.

I dunno, some people clearly cope better with their day to day demands than I do because I do struggle to fit it in and to find motivation in the midst of all the other demands on me

Yeah, people tend to make time for the things they actually want to do. They probably find time for some TV, social media and whatever.

The older I get, the more it seems that when I catch myself saying I don't have time for something, what I really mean is I don't have the energy. At the end of a day's work the idea of going to a gym just seems a bit outlandish.

Maybe they just say that to deflect someone boring on about exercise when they either aren’t interested at all or feeling that maybe they should but it’s something else to juggle into their lives. And I’m saying that as someone who does exercise because I enjoy it and it’s personally important to me: I have lots of sporty friends and some of them get so absorbed by that world they get very blinkered about others who don’t share their enthusiasm

It’s just an easier way of saying “I don’t want to prioritise the time” to save face. Everyone knows we should regularly exercise, not drink too much,eat healthily, not vape/smoke, get 8 hrs sleep etc , have a clean & tidy house, be a good friend/parent/daughter/wife etc but life’s hard and people are complicated. When people feel they have to justify a “failing” in themselves (by society’s standards) they are unlikely to say they just don’t want to prioritise the time. And there may be “time” but they may be mentally exhausted/overwhelmed etc.

Well you can let her irritate you or you can shrug and not care what she thinks 🤷‍♀️

I work 87% of a week by doing 4 long days. These can change around what medical appts DM has that week. I shuffle my teens around in the evenings as DH is away a lot, and we’ve got no buses after about 7pm. I care for DM.

I also go to the gym at 6.15am and try and a few k a few times a week.

Sometimes I think I am going to die of exhaustion.

Please don’t presume you know about other people’s lives and the demands on their time.

It’s about priorities. No matter how busy you are, you fit in what is important to you.

I did find that once DC were in school that is was busier than ever. DCs hobbies got more and more time consuming over the years, peaking in later secondary years.

Even so, I used to still I find time to sit on my arse with a cup of tea and waste too much time online and on SM. Some exercise would have been much more beneficial to me! No good excuse other than I couldn’t be bothered. I wish it wasn’t so!!
Maybe this is your SIL too and she is sniping at you because she is feeling bad about her own lack of exercise.

(Edited a typo that I spotted)

This. As others have said she isnt prioritising it, but why let it bother you so much - come up with a reply about how it can be difficult to prioritise, and leave her to seethe

Who are all these people saying this to you?

I don’t talk about my exercise, it’s just something I have always done. This is my SIL who asks me about it then says she’s too busy.

She might be? Or she might just not want to prioritise exercise?

Then either just say ‘ok’ or if you really feel she’s having a dig at you, say ‘I’m busy too, but I fit it in because it’s a priority to me’.

But someone saying they are too busy isn't related to you. You're hearing an implied criticism that isn't necessarily there.

I don't have time, because I want to stay in bed until 7am, I want to eat with the kids and I don't want to exercise after dinner. None of that is a criticism of people who feel differently.

I know single people with no kids they claim they can’t find time to exercise despite moaning they are fat. They have every evening and all weekend to themselves.