Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex husband just woke me up

67 replies

feedmefudge · 21/12/2025 09:24

First day of the school holidays. I work full-time in a demanding role in a secondary school. Not only that, but I work every weekend morning to supplement my income. I very, very rarely get the chance to sleep in these days.
First opportunity for a lie-in came this morning. I was woken at 08.55 by my ex husband ringing the bell. He was dropping off some stuff for our teenage daughter, who was asleep blissfully unaware. It’s not even supposed to be my weekend with the kids, but she slept over here after a night out last night (I live more centrally than he does).
Ex husband is a tricky character, so there’s no point in saying anything to him. But he’d have known full well that this was the first day of the holidays and that our daughter wouldn’t answer after a late night of clubbing.
I’m usually laidback but this has really annoyed me. It sometimes feels like nobody really thinks of me or looks out for me. However I don’t know if I’m being ridiculous or dramatic.
AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
feedmefudge · 21/12/2025 09:26

Forgot to say, ex husband retired early (52) after a highly successful and lucrative career. So he can sleep late whenever he likes! Just some consideration would be nice.

OP posts:
HermioneWeasley · 21/12/2025 09:26

Well it’s super annoying but it sounds like he’d be pleased to know that so not sure what you can do?

Localfriend · 21/12/2025 09:26

Don’t fester on it

hardly the crack of dawn and it was something related to your daughter

Christmascaketime · 21/12/2025 09:31

Don’t let him ruin your day. He’s ex for good reason. Tell dd to be more organised next time so dad not having to drop stuff off eg suggest she collects it from him.

themerchentofvenus · 21/12/2025 09:39

Sleeping in is over-rated and upsets the body clock.

I get up 7am on Sunday and all the kids are still sleeping.

Get up and enjoy the day. It wasn't like he woke you up at 6am drunk!

Original poster
feedmefudge · 21/12/2025 09:43

Thanks for talking me down, everyone! I was a bit puzzled myself at the strength of my reaction to this. It just didn’t feel fair! But that’s life, I guess.

OP posts:
PercyPigInAWig · 21/12/2025 09:44

Why do some early risers @Localfriend @themerchentofvenus not understand that some people do like a lie in?
I'm an owl, I stay up late, I like to sleep in on the rare occasion that I get a chance.

I might not have answered the door. I wouldn't be expecting anyone and have a ring doorbell so wouldn't have opened to ex. Still would have been pissed off to have been woken up.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 21/12/2025 09:47

My EX used to wake me at 5.30am at the weekends when we were together. He’d set his alarm. Wake me up. Then roll over and go back to sleep. He knew full well that I wouldn’t get back to sleep as I’m a really bad sleeper. I was practically sobbing with tiredness towards the end of our relationship. It was bliss when I kicked him out and continues to be. I’d be raging too if I was you. But don’t give him the satisfaction of knowing he’s annoyed you. Breathe. Have a leisurely breakfast and an afternoon nap.

Localfriend · 21/12/2025 09:48

PercyPigInAWig · 21/12/2025 09:44

Why do some early risers @Localfriend @themerchentofvenus not understand that some people do like a lie in?
I'm an owl, I stay up late, I like to sleep in on the rare occasion that I get a chance.

I might not have answered the door. I wouldn't be expecting anyone and have a ring doorbell so wouldn't have opened to ex. Still would have been pissed off to have been woken up.

I was 9am. No the crack of dawn by any stretch.
he was dropping something around for his daughter
I mean… not ideal timing clearly but not enough to be angry at him surely?

WildLeader · 21/12/2025 09:52

feedmefudge · 21/12/2025 09:43

Thanks for talking me down, everyone! I was a bit puzzled myself at the strength of my reaction to this. It just didn’t feel fair! But that’s life, I guess.

Tbf, exes breathing in and out is annoying.

letting him know he’s annoyed you is even worse

breathe… he’s an ex… just be thankful you’re not waking up next to him anymore 🤣

Celestialmoods · 21/12/2025 09:52

I hear you OP. All those mornings getting up in the dark does make the first morning of the holidays feel kind of sacred.

Your ex is a twat, but you already knew that. And you can get up late another morning.

Owly11 · 21/12/2025 09:54

Sorry but 8.55 is not very early and you have the whole holidays to sleep in. Would you have been as annoyed if it was a delivery waking you up? It is a minor irritation, no more.

QuantumQuibbler · 21/12/2025 09:56

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all, but I think this is about more than one early wake-up...
You are working extra days on top of a demanding job to pay for stuff, while your ex is retired. Already annoying. You must be bloody exhausted.
You have surrendered your childfree weekend to suit your daughter.
I imagine whatever he dropped off was not urgent, otherwise you wouldn't be annoyed.
The strength of your reaction tells me that you have reached your limit on accommodating other people.
Have a cup of tea and think about what a better balance would look like for you...

HuskyNew · 21/12/2025 10:00

QuantumQuibbler · 21/12/2025 09:56

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all, but I think this is about more than one early wake-up...
You are working extra days on top of a demanding job to pay for stuff, while your ex is retired. Already annoying. You must be bloody exhausted.
You have surrendered your childfree weekend to suit your daughter.
I imagine whatever he dropped off was not urgent, otherwise you wouldn't be annoyed.
The strength of your reaction tells me that you have reached your limit on accommodating other people.
Have a cup of tea and think about what a better balance would look like for you...

This is a good post.
08:55 isn’t exactly the crack of dawn so probably healthier for you to get up & enjoy more active relaxation.
The strength of your reaction suggests you’re on the edge of saying no more accommodations for others

dontmalbeconme · 21/12/2025 10:03

It was 9am? That's hardly early, and presumably you'd already had a couple of hours lay in compared to a regular day?

It really wouldn't occur to me that 9am wasn't a perfectly reasonable time to call in on someone. It's just normal.

EligibleTern · 21/12/2025 10:04

Wtf, where do people get off telling other people what is or isn't early?! The OP has said it was earlier than she wanted, so it was TOO EARLY for her. It doesn't matter if you happily jump out of bed at 5am every day, it's completely irrelevant. Ludicrous behaviour trying to dictate what total strangers can consider a lie in.

jeaux90 · 21/12/2025 10:05

you are annoyed OP at the entitlement of just turning up and ruining your lay in. Perhaps don’t address the lay in thing but do address the lack of boundaries here and tell him not to just turn up and message you if he is coming. You have your own life now.

jeaux90 · 21/12/2025 10:06

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 21/12/2025 09:47

My EX used to wake me at 5.30am at the weekends when we were together. He’d set his alarm. Wake me up. Then roll over and go back to sleep. He knew full well that I wouldn’t get back to sleep as I’m a really bad sleeper. I was practically sobbing with tiredness towards the end of our relationship. It was bliss when I kicked him out and continues to be. I’d be raging too if I was you. But don’t give him the satisfaction of knowing he’s annoyed you. Breathe. Have a leisurely breakfast and an afternoon nap.

Bloody hell. I am so glad you got rid of him. What an asshole.

Gettingbysomehow · 21/12/2025 10:09

Selfish pig. I wouldn't have answered the door.

Welikebeingcosy · 21/12/2025 10:12

QuantumQuibbler · 21/12/2025 09:56

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all, but I think this is about more than one early wake-up...
You are working extra days on top of a demanding job to pay for stuff, while your ex is retired. Already annoying. You must be bloody exhausted.
You have surrendered your childfree weekend to suit your daughter.
I imagine whatever he dropped off was not urgent, otherwise you wouldn't be annoyed.
The strength of your reaction tells me that you have reached your limit on accommodating other people.
Have a cup of tea and think about what a better balance would look like for you...

Oh yes I agree, I experienced such irritation with a man a few months ago that it made me realise it was just the final of a lifetime of being helpful and accommodating around so many people who weren't in return; the situation showing me how it wasn't good for me any more.

Original poster
feedmefudge · 21/12/2025 10:13

QuantumQuibbler · 21/12/2025 09:56

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all, but I think this is about more than one early wake-up...
You are working extra days on top of a demanding job to pay for stuff, while your ex is retired. Already annoying. You must be bloody exhausted.
You have surrendered your childfree weekend to suit your daughter.
I imagine whatever he dropped off was not urgent, otherwise you wouldn't be annoyed.
The strength of your reaction tells me that you have reached your limit on accommodating other people.
Have a cup of tea and think about what a better balance would look like for you...

Thank you. I actually think you’ve just nailed it with this.

OP posts:
2old4thispoo · 21/12/2025 10:15

Your dc is clubbing so old enough to deal with her stuff and Dad?

I'd be annoyed at her too!

TigerRag · 21/12/2025 10:15

At least it wasn't 1am like my arsehole of a neighbour decided this morning

Medexpert · 21/12/2025 10:20

I'm also in the club of thosevwho think 9am is not shockingly early and a good sleep in.

Circumstances are key here too. What was he dropping? Something your dd left at his and asked him to drop off for her? Why didn't she got up? It sounds like she's old r ough she could have answered the door.
Was he on his way somewhere ssoit was the only rime to drop it off today?

themerchentofvenus · 21/12/2025 10:21

PercyPigInAWig · 21/12/2025 09:44

Why do some early risers @Localfriend @themerchentofvenus not understand that some people do like a lie in?
I'm an owl, I stay up late, I like to sleep in on the rare occasion that I get a chance.

I might not have answered the door. I wouldn't be expecting anyone and have a ring doorbell so wouldn't have opened to ex. Still would have been pissed off to have been woken up.

9am IS a lie in!!!