Exacting friend and christmas gift

[imabitjealousandembarassed]

I've got a friend who I've been friends with for 20 years. As we have aged, she has become more difficult. I put it down to menopause for a bit, but it's now stuck and she's a very spiky character.
We are in a group of 4 who regularly meet up. Our whole friendship she has loved the shop The White Company. She likes the candles especially the Christmas one but they are very expensive. This year I've saved and I've bought her it. So far so good. Apart from her latest rant when we went for our Christmas brunch was people who buy you Christmas stuff for Christmas, ie her sister in law the year before had bought her these Christmas cushions from Next (they were lovely and v expensive) she went on and on about how inconsiderate and stupid it was. When I said I quite liked it as I don't really have the money to buy fancy Christmas bits for myself so they are a treat, also you enjoy them until new year, pack them away and have a nice surprise for next year too, she was really horrible about it. Nothing to discuss really but just ahhh she's being an ungrateful cow and now I wish I hadn't wasted my money.

Yes, all of this.

OP, you sound like you're scared of her! She's your friend, not your boss. Stop being such a nervous little mouse about this. You're really overthinking it. It's a candle with a winter scent, not something glittery that would only be appropriate to use in a very short window and would then have to be stored like the sodding cushions. She didn't know you'd bought it. She will open it and will likely think one of two things 'Oh, how lovely' or 'Oops, I went on that rant the other day, I hope OP doesn't remember that'. Neither of those is a problem.

She’s not replied because she’s embarrassed. Good. Leave it at that. Next time get her something generic. Moving forward carry on gently calling her out, or take a step back if she carries on being a joy sucker.

I wouldn’t worry unless the candle has Christmas written on it in big letters - it’s just a nice smell. We use The White Company Wnter room spray as lavatory spray all year round!

TBH I would also be very peed off if someone bought me something I could only use at Christmas as a present.

i wouldn’t send the second message Op. it sounds a bit desperate to please.

if you really want it back reply to yourself and put ‘did you see this?’

id probably leave it now and just not get her anything particularly nice next year.

Not begging or running around

Not a nervous mouse

Well, if she's as, er, straight-talking as you say, how about saying you're now unhappy about the Christmas gift you've bought her and please could she give it back? You will get her some mittens or a nice warm woolly scarf instead.
(And reference her Christmas rant.)
TBH It sounds pretty much like the kind of thing she would ask...

I agree. Christmas isn't almost over by Christmas day it is just beginning!
But also I don't understand why anyone would take their tree down before the New Year.

I was going to suggest you say something like ‘you might not like your gift now you said you don’t like Christmas-themed gifts’ but surely you know she does in fact like this candle? She probably meant cushions couldn’t be used all year but a candle can … not excusing her as she has been very tactless but if she has previously said she likes it I am sure she probably wasn’t thinking when making a comment about gifts that have to be put away (and take up space perhaps)

Next year get her a calendar with pictures of animals from a cheap shop and save the rest of the money for yourself.