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AIBU?

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Original poster

My 1 year old loves everyone but me!!

54 replies

Embarrassedmumoftoddler · 20/12/2025 08:31

My DS is 14 months old and it feels like he loves everyone apart from me !!

Just a few examples….

He cries when my mum leaves the room but never did it with me.

When we turn up to see family and I’m carrying him in, he will put his arms out to family but never does to me.

In toddler groups, he will be all over all the other mums, cuddling them and giving him toys but never cuddles me and will cry when I pick him up to take him back to me.

When I picked him up from MIL’s house the other day, he wasn’t even bothered I’d turned up and cried when I picked him up to go.

He actively ignores me whenever we are in company of anyone else.

All I see is other babies and toddlers all over their mums, not wanting to let go of them and my boy can’t wait to be shot of me !! I just don’t know where I’m going wrong as I’d like to think I’m a good mum. I’m a SAHM but seriously considering going back to work as he seems to much prefer my Mum & MIL

OP posts:
Original poster
Embarrassedmumoftoddler · 20/12/2025 08:33

Also when I try to play with him when it’s just us at home he will push my hand away. He also does this when I’m feeding, will lift up my hand and push it away

OP posts:
Pushmepullyou · 20/12/2025 08:37

My daughter was very much like this - it was a bit crushing. She is 17 now and we are really close - it was just a phase. I think it is because he is secure with you and feels able to take your love for granted, which is a good thing really!

Thisiswhathappens · 20/12/2025 08:40

My son was a bit like this. I felt hurt at the time but actually came to realise that I was his constant, he didn’t need to cry when I left because he knew I was coming back unlike other family members including DH.

I know people might disagree but you are his safety net. Like my mum always says ‘they always play their mother up’ doesn’t mean he loves you any less

Original poster
Embarrassedmumoftoddler · 20/12/2025 08:48

Pushmepullyou · 20/12/2025 08:37

My daughter was very much like this - it was a bit crushing. She is 17 now and we are really close - it was just a phase. I think it is because he is secure with you and feels able to take your love for granted, which is a good thing really!

It’s so crushing and embarrassing ! Just feeling like I do all the rubbish bits and then don’t get any of the joy of the nice bits as he goes out his way to ignore me.

that’s nice you are now close to your DD, has it taken 17 years ?! As he’s a boy, I can’t imagine it will change for me sadly.

OP posts:
Pandorea · 20/12/2025 08:52

I agree - he takes you for granted because he’s so securely attached - which is great. You’ve given him the confidence to go and explore and meet other people and should feel very proud! It will change constantly. I have three boys who are nearly all grown up and there were definitely times when they weren’t that cuddly with me but then they’d go through affectionate phases and I feel close with all of them now.

DoingAway · 20/12/2025 08:56

They go through phases like this OP don’t worry. As pp have said it’s probably a sign of a secure attachment. They go through phases when they will randomly become shy of someone they previously weren’t as well. Just roll with it.

Original poster
Embarrassedmumoftoddler · 20/12/2025 08:57

Thisiswhathappens · 20/12/2025 08:40

My son was a bit like this. I felt hurt at the time but actually came to realise that I was his constant, he didn’t need to cry when I left because he knew I was coming back unlike other family members including DH.

I know people might disagree but you are his safety net. Like my mum always says ‘they always play their mother up’ doesn’t mean he loves you any less

That’s what my mum said but im just feeling like what’s the point in being the constant if I don’t get any nice interaction with him

OP posts:
DoingAway · 20/12/2025 08:58

Plenty of boys are very close to their mums op.

Icantsaythis · 20/12/2025 09:00

Pushmepullyou · 20/12/2025 08:37

My daughter was very much like this - it was a bit crushing. She is 17 now and we are really close - it was just a phase. I think it is because he is secure with you and feels able to take your love for granted, which is a good thing really!

My daughter is still the same with me and 20 and at university. Still ignores me and is flippant with me. She has had two major issues as an adult and both times she ran to me. She sees me as unflappable problem solver. She sees me as her constant and I’m also there all the time.

Original poster
Embarrassedmumoftoddler · 20/12/2025 09:02

Pandorea · 20/12/2025 08:52

I agree - he takes you for granted because he’s so securely attached - which is great. You’ve given him the confidence to go and explore and meet other people and should feel very proud! It will change constantly. I have three boys who are nearly all grown up and there were definitely times when they weren’t that cuddly with me but then they’d go through affectionate phases and I feel close with all of them now.

Well I wish I hadn’t now - I was always very happy for family to hold him etc as a baby and feel like that’s been to my own detriment now as they get all the fun and cuddles and I just don’t.

im just feeling so miserable about it today after another day seeing family where MIL couldn’t contain her glee that he was picking her over me. I just feel so jealous and bitter

OP posts:
Original poster
Embarrassedmumoftoddler · 20/12/2025 09:03

DoingAway · 20/12/2025 08:58

Plenty of boys are very close to their mums op.

If he’s not bothered about me at 1 years old I can’t see him being interested once he’s got his own life !!

OP posts:
RedToothBrush · 20/12/2025 09:04

It's a take you for granted thing. You know he loves you most because he does it to everyone but you. He's secure with you - he doesn't cry when you leave the room because he knows you will return, but he doesn't know the others will.

DoingAway · 20/12/2025 09:08

Embarrassedmumoftoddler · 20/12/2025 09:03

If he’s not bothered about me at 1 years old I can’t see him being interested once he’s got his own life !!

Show quote history

It doesn’t work like that. They have phases when little. He could well decide he’s not going near you mil at some point randomly and suddenly be all clingy with you. My dd did this.

redmountain · 20/12/2025 09:13

I know its upsetting you, but you’ll
probably need to toughen up a little. We raise our children so they can go out into the world and have their own lives. The primary focus isn’t what we get out of it - that’s just a bonus at times, when things are going well.

My 7 year old tells me that her friends mothers are nicer than me! Its water of a duck’s back for me after having 4 kids and seeing all the different phases they go through. Then at night she wants me to lie with her while she goes to sleep and have a nice chat.

My 14 year old tells me i am unbelievably embarrassing at times - i take no notice but accept it as part of him being a teenager- but then other times he comes down to talk to me and have a laugh. I think the less needy and offended you are, the more likely they are to come back when they are in the mood.

DoingAway · 20/12/2025 09:16

OP I want to make a gentle suggestion here because what you are saying sounds like you are feeling there is something fundamentally wrong. Other poster are reassuring you there isn’t, but this is how you personally are feeling then perhaps you should speak to someone about it like the HV for instance. You sound pretty down about it.

Justmadesourkraut · 20/12/2025 09:48

Oh bless you. This sounds miserable for you, and your MiL is not helping. Do you have to see quite so much of her/your mum.
Ds1 was like this with my dh. It was a phase - but a long one. Thinking about it, ds1 wasn't great with me either. He too preferred other people.
We got there. 14 months feels like a long time to you now, but it's a blink of an eye. You've got the terrible twos to look forward to, starting playgroup/nursery/school - lots of adventures ahead.
Singing together really helped ds1 and I to bond. A shared activity/love of something really helps: insects? Puddle jumping? Picnics? Lego? As he grows older, look out for things he loves and invest time and enthusiasm into those. Also, if you can, work in relaxing. I was very stressed in our boys early years. Dh was away a lot,CAND ibhad no family support, so I carried the load, but it was heavy. If you can, have silly time. We once had a fabulous morning having a snowball fight with balled up socks, whilst we waited for real snow. We also occasionally had a kitchen disco at teatime,candy sand and did silly dances. It helped.

Sending best wishes and an unmunsnetty hug. This phase will pass. Don't let it spoil the adventures ahead.

Comtesse · 20/12/2025 09:55

Embarrassedmumoftoddler · 20/12/2025 09:03

If he’s not bothered about me at 1 years old I can’t see him being interested once he’s got his own life !!

Show quote history

You are being silly now. He doesn’t make a fuss because you are always always around - he’s a little baby and cannot be manipulative, it’s beyond his capabilities. Please calm down about this - you are getting it out of proportion.

CreepingCrone · 20/12/2025 10:01

Aw, lovely. That's really hard 🖤 And it doesn't help that is just a phase and he does still really love you. My youngest went through the same phase and it broke my heart. She would lool right at me and purposefully say "Wipe your kiss off" while swiping at her face! She'd even do it when she was asleep! Everyone told me it was just a phase, and that they only do this with the person they feel safest and most secure with. Because they know they can push us away and we will always be there for them. It will pass, but it doesn't make it any better at the time.
When my youngest was 12, pretty much the same thing happened. She was a grotty teenager who seemed to loathe me for several years. I just kept telling myself it's a phase, and she has (mostly) grown out of it now she's 21! Gosh, it's tough being a mum sometimes 🖤🖤🖤

DahlsChickenz · 20/12/2025 10:09

He's only just beginning to realise he and you are separate entities. Don't fret. It shows how secure and confident he is in your love and support, and it will pass.

Cinai · 20/12/2025 10:11

Mine is the same, although I just now notice that he sometimes wants mama at 15 months. I think he knows that I’m always there anyways

Thisiswhathappens · 20/12/2025 10:13

@Embarrassedmumoftoddler honestly it feels like the worst right now, my son used to be the same. Felt like he wanted everyone but me and when it was just me it wasn’t good enough. In hindsight I think hormones played a part in this too. It’s still really early days (even though it doesn’t feel like it).

you have created such a secure attachment that he feels he can explore and that’s a job well done, if not embarrassing at times. But it really is a phase, there’s a child on our school run that has taken a liking to me and refuses to go back to mum. If people spoke honestly I’m sure you’d hear that you aren’t the only one.

if it makes you feel any better mine is now 5, and although confident he always checks im there and we enjoy each others company, im the first he comes too if he’s fallen or needs reassurance etc. but likes daddy for play time etc. Other times he’ll cry for Nana and sometimes even the dog is requested!

It will get better, everything you are doing is proof you are doing a good job and it’s ok to feel a bit put out xx

Original poster
Embarrassedmumoftoddler · 20/12/2025 10:14

DoingAway · 20/12/2025 09:16

OP I want to make a gentle suggestion here because what you are saying sounds like you are feeling there is something fundamentally wrong. Other poster are reassuring you there isn’t, but this is how you personally are feeling then perhaps you should speak to someone about it like the HV for instance. You sound pretty down about it.

Ohhh I’m fine really, just been a long week of watching him all over everyone else apart from me and MIL being so thrilled about has Just put me in a bad mood.

OP posts:
ShodAndShadySenators · 20/12/2025 10:16

If your MIL is pleased that your baby chooses her over you, hide your real feelings and fake cheerfulness - act delirious with joy that you will get a break. If you are good humoured about it your MIL won't be able to get smug satisfaction out of it (and listen to your mum, she's on your side!) Echo the poster who suggested if it's getting to you too much, do speak to the health visitor and explain your feelings and that it's getting you down.

Original poster
Embarrassedmumoftoddler · 20/12/2025 10:24

Justmadesourkraut · 20/12/2025 09:48

Oh bless you. This sounds miserable for you, and your MiL is not helping. Do you have to see quite so much of her/your mum.
Ds1 was like this with my dh. It was a phase - but a long one. Thinking about it, ds1 wasn't great with me either. He too preferred other people.
We got there. 14 months feels like a long time to you now, but it's a blink of an eye. You've got the terrible twos to look forward to, starting playgroup/nursery/school - lots of adventures ahead.
Singing together really helped ds1 and I to bond. A shared activity/love of something really helps: insects? Puddle jumping? Picnics? Lego? As he grows older, look out for things he loves and invest time and enthusiasm into those. Also, if you can, work in relaxing. I was very stressed in our boys early years. Dh was away a lot,CAND ibhad no family support, so I carried the load, but it was heavy. If you can, have silly time. We once had a fabulous morning having a snowball fight with balled up socks, whilst we waited for real snow. We also occasionally had a kitchen disco at teatime,candy sand and did silly dances. It helped.

Sending best wishes and an unmunsnetty hug. This phase will pass. Don't let it spoil the adventures ahead.

Yes I kind of thinking about reducing down the time we see my Mum & MIL. I know that sounds selfish but i feel like I’ve tried so hard to facilitate a good relationship with DS, that it’s at my detriment.

I do hear you about chilling out as I’m in the same position re DH not reallr being around so everything falls on me. At the moment DS doesn’t want me playing with him but hopefully that will change as he gets older and we can bond over something he loves

OP posts:
Aquabluemouse · 20/12/2025 10:29

My dd was obsessed with me as a baby and toddler, but she completely dismissed dh. She wanted nothing off him at all, wouldn’t hug him, kiss him, ask him for anything, always chose me, rejected him constantly. She also didn’t want any other adult but me. She’s now 12 and she has a very strong relationship with Dh and is so socially confident around adults and I’m always being told how conversational and mature she is by teachers, her friends’ parents and other adults.

My DS was different, and he always favoured my dh over me as a baby and toddler, and was happy to go to anyone and everyone, before then getting upset when I picked him up to leave. He didn’t want me to play with him when he was little and was happy playing on his own, he disagreed a lot with me and was generally pretty difficult with me rather than anyone else. He’s now 8 and he’s independent and loves to occupy himself with his little projects, he’s very astute and on the ball when it comes to observations and judgments on how to behave…and he’s a complete mummy’s boy- if he’s unwell/sad/out of sorts he always searches me out for a cuddle, and he only wants me to put him to bed.

OP, please try not to overthink this. Babies and small children go through these phases, and behaviours as babies often indicate personality traits as adults, but not in the way you’re reading it.
You are looking at the behaviour of a baby and making assumptions about what the future will be like, but the reality will be so different. What you see as his rejection of you now could actually be a sign of his independent nature as he grows up. Him not wanting to play with you could be an indication of a child or adult who enjoys his own company and can occupy himself. You can’t write your relationship off with him at 14 months old.