Do you have a Christmas dinner on Christmas Day? AIBU to politely decline

[unsureforevermore]

We always do and to be honest the kids very much look forward to it! We’ve been invited to the in-laws this Christmas however I’ve just discovered that they are doing a hot and cold buffet!!
This is not what I signed up for hahaha I had reached out to offer to do starters or veg etc or roasties etc and been told it’s ok no need it’s a buffet.

AIBU to decline now??

Previous years last year they went for an Indian which we declined, year previous they said that everyone was having dinner at their own homes there’s a lot of children so it’s a squeeze so we said we would meet after dinner, to which then on Xmas Eve sister said she was actually going to her mums for dinner because she might aswell seen as no one else was! Year previous sister invited her mum only. We have invited a few times now but it’s always been an issue they just don’t treat all siblings the same.

Basically this year DH had said to his mum it would be nice for them to come here this year we would cook etc the kids would love it and then now his mum basically said she will have everyone at hers instead 21 in total.

but now it’s a buffet haha

21 is far too many (at least in my house!) to have a sit down dinner so I can see where she’s coming from.
So either go for the party, or stay home for a traditional dinner.
up to you, OP.

Have a Christmas eve dinner instead?
I always have a Christmas dinner on Christmas day. I quite like the idea of a buffet, I may try it one year. A big meal makes me tired and there is so much prep and cleaning with a Christmas dinner.

I feel from that post, that nobody will be upset if you decide to have your roast at home and you should do that.

I agree with this.

In theory (for example on the other thread running where the SiL is a bit perturbed with the OP not serving dinner until the evening) my thinking is that the host decides the menu and the running order, but there is a difference here in that
a) you invited her for a traditional dinner at yours
then
b) at pretty much the 11th hour she has pressured everyone to change the arrangements
then
c) has invited you to something completely different.

I would say "No thanks. We really enjoy the traditional roast on Christmas Day, so we'll stick with the original plan of cooking it at home".
That's definitely not unreasonable in these circumstances where that has been the original plan and it is her trying to change it.

We all get together with a buffet and to see all dh's extended family at Christmas time, and, with larger numbers a buffet makes sense. The difference is, we do it on a day between Christmas and New Year, as an additional day, not instead of a traditional roast. It works well. Less pressure on "the day" (each family either stays home or goes to the other in-laws and we take turns to have his parents) and everyone gets to see each other at some point over the break on a day when people wouldn't be wanting to be anywhere else.

Surely you can just decline the invitation? Or will there be major sulking all round?

Can’t you just do it xmas Eve or Boxing Day instead? That being said if this is all in the early discussion stages just politely decline and say you’ll have an early lunch at home but will join them all in the afternoon?

I'm not surprised its not a dinner with 21 people.

Buffet with family sounds lovely and I'd chose that any day over a roast dinner but we aren't rigid with what day we celebrate Christmas day on, we move it around as required due to work and extended family

I'd go to theirs for Christmas day and then do the Christmas dinner on boxing day

What does your husband think?

Can’t imagine doing a full on roast for 21 so can understand the buffet. Also if they went out for a curry another year I’m guessing they are not so bothered by traditional Christmas meal.

Where does your side of the family fit in?

We don't do xmas dinner none of us are bothered about a roast. We go out for an Indian have done for the last 5 years it's lovely as I work xmas morning shift get home and can just chill and enjoy the rest of the day

Go. Enjoy. Embrace the difference and enjoy the time with family.

Surely spending time with family is more important than a meal which you can have any day of the year?
We don’t have a traditional Christmas dinner as we don’t like it and it’s too time consuming to prepare for 20 people. We have a huge buffet with an amazing selection of food.

In this situation I'd have Christmas lunch on another day. C eve, Boxing Day or NY eve or day

It’s not just about the dinner is it either. It’s the whole day. I’d be pissed! You wanted to spend Christmas at home and enjoy not having to schlep kids around in the car, and cook a meal your kids were looking forward to in your own home. Instead she’s said “no come and join 20+ people because it’s easier for me, we’ll all jostle around a buffet (from which your child will probably only choose handfuls of crisps and chocolate and will become an overstimulated nightmare) and essentially the day is all about my needs and no one else’s”

Will it be a decent buffet? If its good quality I could get on board with it and would hope for some cold turkey and some roasties. If it's frozen supermarket party food then I think I would rather stay home with a roast.

We do a roast as a buffet when there are lots of people. What kind of buffet is it?

I agree with PP. Let the kids do Xmas day with their GP’s and do your roast on Xmas Eve or Boxing Day.

I'm so torn now
i love a buffet. Could happily eat satsumas crisps and chocolate in place of real
food and you've already accepted but I do understand the reluctance to cart the children around
there's no place like home really
need to discuss with DH

This is exactly how I feel

depend on the age of DCs and how many days off you have I'd be tempted to go Scandinavian and have main meal and gifts on Christmas Eve, treating in laws event as a family gathering/ Boxing Day
Or hold your formal meal on Boxing Day

I can't imagine being close enough to someone that they'd invite me for Xmas dinner, but also so unbothered about their company that the exact type of Xmas dinner would be a dealbreaker.

This reminds me
of the year MIL announced we “eat too much potato as a family” and didn’t make any form of potato dish 😳

I agree with this.

DPIL were frequently guilty of shifting goal posts when it came to invitations. A simple 'come for dinner' would turn into a big family party. Except you wouldnt know until you arrived that you should have fed small DCs beforehand as 'dinner' was now an Iceland buffet, a symphony in beige.

Dont get me wrong, DPIL were lovely people but they had a total blind spot when it came to hosting.

They've taken a non-traditional approach to the food offered to guests on Christmas Day ; you could take a non-traditional approach to being invited, by not turning up 😉