Do you have a Christmas dinner on Christmas Day? AIBU to politely decline

[unsureforevermore]

We always do and to be honest the kids very much look forward to it! We’ve been invited to the in-laws this Christmas however I’ve just discovered that they are doing a hot and cold buffet!!
This is not what I signed up for hahaha I had reached out to offer to do starters or veg etc or roasties etc and been told it’s ok no need it’s a buffet.

AIBU to decline now??

I’m Team Buffet - kind of.

I’m doing lobster, oysters, salmon, dressed crab, green lipped mussels, scallops, shrimps, chips and French bread. Assorted dressings / vinaigrettes. Champagne. Heaven on a platter!

No I wouldn’t pull out over her choice of meal- seems really petty if you’d otherwise be happy to go. There’s no law that says people have to do turkey.

Just cook yourself a traditional meal on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day, no biggie. Lots of cultures have the main Christmas meal on Christmas Eve.

I've not had a traditional Christmas dinner for years and years.
I generally make gabanzos and serve it with crusty bread. It's the type of food we like.
I'd be quite happy with the buffet that you have been invited to. Surely you can have a roast dinner at home whenever you want?

Haha honestly I’d be more than happy to do that haha

You must be having a bad one then! Haha

To be honest I was going to say YABU for wanting to pull out when Christmas day is a week tomorrow.

But if you were only invited 2 days ago and she'll have the rest of the family there anyway, I might politely decline in favour of a roast dinner at home.

How far away does she live? Would you be able to pop over in the evening and spend some time with them all?

Ours has always been the first day we were all together so the host could cook before visitors arrived and then had maximum time with them - traditionally with overseas family it was usually 23rd or 24th, now it's when my brother & his family come so will be 26th or 27th. We also move Christmas Day and mark it on the full day we're all together - it works for us.

Well then say no, don’t ruin your day.

I wouldn’t be happy with this and would just tell them that I wouldn’t be joining because I want to have a cooked traditional Christmas dinner. There’s nothing wrong with the truth as long as you’re kind.

We do - and I like a traditional Christmas dinner. But it wouldn’t bother me in the slightest to have it on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day! I’d go to the in-laws and just defer the roast until the following day.

Have it Christmas eve you might even be surprised how much you like it not spending Christmas morning in the kitchen actually being able to spend time with the family. I know someone who always has Christmas dinner on Christmas eve as it means they can spend time with the kids opening presents and playing with the new toys.

No cooking involved and a buffet? Count me in. You can have a roast dinner at home any time, spending time with family is more important.

How I would hate to be so rigid in my thinking.

I'm in the minority here but...YANBU

I think MIL is BU for casually announcing it's a buffet without any consultation!!

Few people suggesting Christmas Eve and Boxing Day - great for those that it suits but I'm with you, Christmas Day is Christmas Dinner and I wouldn't have the same level of enthusiasm for cooking it or eating it another day.

In our family these sorts of decisions are communal...we have talked about doing something different and changed the meat up a bit (Turkey and Goose and one year when we were in a temp rental while our house was delayed a Turducken - so all "Christmassy Meats") but I think making a unilateral decision to go so off piste is a bit off tbf. You've offered to host, she wants to host so it suits her better.

If it was only arranged 2 days ago I would absolutely say sorry, didn't realise you meant a buffet when you suggested we all come to you and that puts a different spin on it. Say they're still welcome at yours, and offer to pop over for a bit in the morning / late afternoon / early eve but do lunch at your own house.

Prepares to be flamed 😂

I just really hate a roast 🤣

In my entire life I would never make one or order one in a restaurant m. But come Christmas Day we all have to pretend it’s amazing. I absolutely hate it.

if it’s nice weather on Christmas Day we sometimes go somewhere for a walk with a picnic and have the roast dinner on another day. Beef not turkey though because it’s much nicer.

Yeah, prioritising a particular type of food over people - really?

absolutely spot on tbh!!! This is exactly what’s happened and you’re right about it not being the same. Even my 5 year old looks forward to the dinner ! We’ve not had a roast to the last few weeks on a Sunday so we can enjoy it more haha

Tbh there is more of a background to this in relation to the siblings etc. MIL will not take it in turns going to siblings so it basically means no one has enough space to host and daughter will kick off if not with her mother on Christmas Day. So we therefore have to suffer the buffet as she won’t come to us without daughter

ah family dynamics…so a good roast dinner is a bribe for putting up with whatever this is?

I love a roast dinner so I would be disappointed. I’ve cooked Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve in the past and it wasn’t the same - plus visitors unexpectedly turned up delivering gifts and it messed my timings up a bit. Boxing Day is the buffet day in our house. Infact it sounds like she is hosting my idea of Boxing Day on Christmas Day.

As it was only decided 2 days ago could you say your child wants to be home for presents on the day, and ask her to switch it to Boxing Day, or would that not suit everyone else?.

Other than that I think you will have to accept your special days being switched around this year.

That’s what we do, we always have our last big family one around Thanksgiving (we aren’t American but the timing works well) so that we really enjoy Christmas Day.

MIL will not take it in turns going to siblings so it basically means no one has enough space to host and daughter will kick off if not with her mother on Christmas Day. So we therefore have to suffer the buffet as she won’t come to us without daughter

So, what's happened in all precious years?

Will it be a decent buffet? What would her Christmas dinner have been like? My Mil is a really bad cook - not interested in cooking at all so Christmas dinner there is a massive disappointment so a buffet may be preferable and then you cook your own Christmas dinner on another day. Crap though, love a great Christmas dinner.

Agree, this sounds more like Boxing Day.

But isn’t a buffet more about serving style than actual dishes? Why wouldn’t it be essentially the traditional foods, but set out buffet-style for people to help themselves?

(I agree with a pp — I don’t get the British love affair with roasts. Or carveries.’