Helped Dd with homework, teacher questioning her

[Snoopyschristmasclassic]

Just wanted others perspective on this as feeling a bit uncomfortable

Dd, who is 7, was off ill recently for a few days with a virus. When she returned, the teacher gave her some work she had missed to catch up on, dd had this plus nightly homework.
At the weekend, she was trying to complete the rest of it for school, is still not 100% but tried really hard and then started to get frustrated and upset and wasn’t able to do more. Worth noting that Dd is v bright, but is Nd and sometimes easily overwhelmed.
Dd was worried she would get into trouble at school so I helped her by colouring the sheet for her.

Dd came home on the first day she handed in her homework folder with all the sheets in and said the teacher asked her if she had done this sheet herself, Dd said yes. I said to her she should have said I helped her with it, it’s ok. I thought that was that and forgot about it.
Today Dd came home and said that the teacher had asked her again if she did it by herself and Dd said yes and the teacher then asked if she was sure she did.

Dd is now very anxious, I said i’d send in a note saying I helped you with it as she wasn’t feeling well and was a bit overwhelmed. She doesn’t want me to though as thinks the teacher will be cross with her.

Any thoughts on this? Shall I send the teacher a quick email?

could you arrange a meeting with the teacher & SEND coordinator (sorry if that’s the wrong terminology). It sounds like this will continue being an issue unless they acknowledge they are sending too much homework.

I agree with much of this post - about op needing to be confident in her decisions, which is a good observation - but I disagree that the teacher has no power over op. Our dc are our soft underbelly, the part of us we care most about hurting, and the part we can do least to defend when they are not with us. The op feels afraid, not for herself per se, but for how the teacher might take it out on the child - and to be fair to op, it sounds as though this has already been happening to a degree.

There are so many wonderful teachers who thoroughly respect the position of trust and influence they occupy over very small people, and who deal with that sensitively, but it would be denying reality to pretend there isn't a small contingent who absolutely know they have a parent in a vulnerable situation on that front. My dc have been at a school with some very prominent parents, and, while some teachers are straightforward, professional and appropriate, a smaller proportion fawn and become obsequious, and a smaller proportion again rather like the fact they have the dc of X on a string - and the more prominent the parent, the more they enjoy that sensation! But it can happen in all schools where the teacher takes exception to a child or parent for some reason, and so I do sympathise with op to some extent.

OP, you need to make an appointment to see the headteacher. It seems there’s a bigger issue at play here, the amount of work being loaded onto 7yr olds is ridiculous. I expect you won’t be the only parent saying so, either.
Did she respond to your email?

Other parents have complained, but she shut it down by saying she is the teacher and knows what the children need and is preparing them for when they get older, but it’s every night! I’m also guessing they’ll be given a load over Christmas

She didn’t reply, but generally doesn’t much. Dd took the teachers xmas presents in today, my only worry is how she treats Dd. I was shocked at Dd’s report as it was excellent (not shocked that Dd can be excellent, just in comparison to how the teacher is)

That's fair. I think there's a self-perpetuating problem going on here which is that OP is behaving as if she and her DD need to work together to fend off the teacher rather than just communicating directly with the teacher to say, "This was too much for my DD and so she has not completed the work.". But yes, of course we all take a big leap of faith when we send our tiny children to school and perhaps I didn't give that the weight it deserves.

I think you are right that being direct with the teacher will, in the long run, protect dc better.

In any case, OP has said the report was good, so let's hope this teacher's bark is worse than her bite!

Personally think it’s crazy to give a 7 year old so much work to catch up with after illness. She’s 7, not 15 going into GCSEs. Also think it’s insane the teacher questioned the colouring skills like this.

Tbh my DS is in year 2 so the same age and one week he had only done one part of the optional challenges on his homework sheet, bearing in mind the sheets clearly say OPTIONAL. He usually would do all but we were very busy that week and he only managed one. The teacher found him in breakfast club and asked him to do another! I thought this was insane.

Rosealea · Today 03:42
"The issue is repeated lying and dishonesty, not colouring in."

Give over .
.

I imagine the teacher was struck by the discrepancy between your colouring and what dd produces in school - and that she would push dd more if she thought she was capable of better.
So it’s as well you let her know. I’m sure it will all be forgotten after Christmas and you can keep open communication about what dd can cope with.

Do you think the teacher will question Dd about why she lied?
Do you think she judges me?

I think there are serious issues here if your 7 year old’s teacher has frightened her so much that she didn’t feel comfortable telling her that her mum helped her do some colouring in when she was sick. That’s the part that alarms me the most and the part I’d most want to get to the bottom of with the teacher.

Dd can be anxious so i’m not sure how much is that and how much is the teacher.
Dd seems to think that the teacher was cross with her with the first note I sent when she couldn’t complete one of the holiday homework sheets, so something had happened in that exchange I think
I as a person would have no qualms about being direct with anyone, my worry is the effect on my dd and how she may treat her

It's the lying that's the problem. Why didn't she just say you helped? But also, colouring in for homework is pointless unless fine motor skills are a problem.

She said she was too scared to. She’s only 7

When my DC was 7 they were in a class with a pretty unpleasant teacher who didn't seem to like children and shouted at them all the time and forced the Muslim children to bow their heads and put their hands together (while kneeling down) when daily prayers were said in class. The children were scared of her. Everyone knew that the woman was a shouter. I mentioned this to the Head, who simply denied it out of hand. The Head obviously knew what was going on and approved of it. If your child is really scared of this teacher, it might be worth a word with the Head - which may or may not help. If the teacher is just a bit strict and is trying to encourage good homework habits etc, then maybe you can talk to your daughter about the importance of hard work, learning things, etc. I don't think 7 is necessarily too young for that, and it's common in some countries for children to be asked to do a couple of pages of homework a day while on holiday, at that kind of age. See this holiday workbook for children in France aged 6 to 7: Mon cahier de vacances CP vers CE1 LICORNE: 6 - 7 ans, Cahier d’activités pages en couleur pour être pret pour le CE1| Pour consolider les acquis de ... | Diplôme à la fin – Grand Format A4 : Mon Cahier de Vacances, Editions, Joane, Adeline: Amazon.fr: Livres

Make it clear to the teacher that she can be as scary as she likes but not with your daughter.

My DS was once offered "the opportunity" to complete an assignment after school as had been ill. I politely turned down "the offer" and told the teacher that we would complete the assignment at home - it was a cooking assignment of a dish that we ate weekly. My DS is also ND and spending an extra minute at that school was not going to happen.

He was once given the most ridiculous (for an ND child) English homework so I did it in my lunch break at work!

Yes you’re completely right

Just don’t do the homework. She’s 7 for goodness sake. She should be relaxing or doing fun activities after school. She’s a baby. Reading only. My kids didn’t do primary homework yet they are top in everything and have lots of hobbies.

No I think you’re both over thinking this!