To think many women expect emotional perfection from men but don’t offer the same?

[ReciprocityMatters]

I support high standards.
I support emotional maturity.

But AIBU to think some women now expect men to be therapists, mind-readers, emotionally fluent, endlessly available - while offering very little emotional stability themselves?

We say “I deserve more” but rarely ask “what do I give?”

Agreed.

YABMU

The majority of posters on here are incredibly dismissive of the feelings of their male relatives, partners and husbands.

There is definitely truth in that.

I have a few friends who are on the apps and will claim almost anything is a 'red flag' without considering what 'red flags' they themselves have.

Nonsense. All women want is for men to raise their abysmally low bar just a bit. Basic communication, doing a fair share of housework without being asked , handling basic parenting tasks. It's not a lot to ask.

Are we even taught how to treat men?

You are right, men are treated like dirt and society accepts it. I think the whole male bashing trope has gone way too far.

We need to do better.

I agree. I work with mostly women and regularly hear about 'man flu' and how they are fed up of his 'whingeing'. I know that men could do with bucking their ideas up in many many ways but normal human issues like vulnerability, need, weakness and uncertainty are not tolerated in men.

No. They don't have a low bar. We have impossibly high standards. And we think it's normal to demand a level of perfection that we couldn't achieve ourselves.

I've known some cold people. The common denominator is their upbringing.

Some have mad standards
some live with twats
and some just get on living happily mutually supportive lives
i don’t think it’s possible to generalise

Define 'impossibly high standards'.

But I do think some men have one bad experience and then generalise to all women and they have a higher degree of arrogance ( socialised ) which means they are a little less likely than women to reflect on their behaviour

Expecting men to be mind readers.

Expecting men to never show any emotion. If they get depressed they are called weak, if they show even the slightest hint of anger, they are called abusive.

Expecting them to approach us but also calling them predators for approaching us.

Being suspicious of any man who wants to work with children, then complaining that men aren't showing enough interest in children or family life.

Treating all men as potential sexual abusers and rapists, but complaining when they don't offer to help us or come to our assistance when we need them.

Treating men with absolute contempt, no matter what the situation, even condoning sexually assaulting them (as in a thread on here a few days ago). One poster responded to the sexual assault of a man with "I'm sure he'll get over it".

We would not accept a man saying the same thing in reference to a woman being assaulted.

The idea that men are responsible for the behaviour of other men, while we don't hold ourselves responsible for the behaviour of other women.

How long a list would you like?

😂

Women are responsible for setting their own expectations and deciding what they are/aren't willing to tolerate in a relationship. Men are equally responsible for doing the same for themselves - they don't need women to police this for them.

All grown adults should be self aware and treat other people with respect and decency. They should also be aware that other people may choose not to stay in relationships with them if they fail to do this adequately.

I don't think either sex has the monopoly on being emotionally intelligent/mature/considerate etc. Equally, I don't think either sex has the monopoly on being emotionally illiterate/immature/selfish etc.

None of us are perfect and all relationships require compromise on both sides. We each get to decide what we are willing to compromise on and what we aren't. All of us - both men and women - can decide to vote with our feet if a relationship isn't meeting our expectations.

I have never noticed this.

Define “expect them to be mindreaders”?

Who is “we” that has these items you believe are “high standards”?

I don’t think it’s true many of us ask for things we cannot achieve ourselves.
I certainly don’t.

In my experience women, both on MN and in RL are depressingly ready to cut a huge amount of slack for men. I would very much like to see some examples of the sort of “man bashing” that some on this thread are talking about…

One poster responded to the sexual assault of a man with "I'm sure he'll get over it".
We would not accept a man saying the same thing in reference to a woman being assaulted.

Society has been minimising the sexual assault of women this way for centuries and continues to do so

what was she wearing
how many previous partners had she had
how much had she had to drink
why was she in his home/he in her home
women cry rape falsely all the time etc etc

Sexual assault is never ok whoever the victim but I interpret “I’m sure he’ll get over it” as a comment on how women are treated when they are assaulted

Are women expecting men to be mind readers or are they just expecting them to carry some of of the cognitive load of running the household without the woman being the project manager?

The world has worked for men’s benefit for thousands of years but now women are finally getting some hard fought equality the pushback is massive. It’s “poor men” while they were silent for all the years that women were merely property.

Women, in the uk, have only been able to open a bank account, without a man’s signature, since 1975!

I could list exactly what I deserve and what I give.

And what I am willing to compromise on and what I am absolutely not.

And I did, and he agreed with lists and compromises of his own been happily married over two decades. Long may it continue.

I don’t know a single woman who expects all of these things from men.

Probably because when she is similarly sick she has to simply buck up and continue to run the household

You're right at an individual level. Women and men 'deserve' a partner of equal emotional intelligence, hard work in the home/partnership, kindness, loyalty etc. Know what you offer and expect the same offering from your partner. If you want more, work on yourself first.

You're wrong at a population level. In general, women hit much higher than men on emotional intelligence, loyalty, hard work in the home/partnership, and so on. Men in general need to improve themselves.