Not to buy new wrapping paper for SC?

[readystdygo]

Every year I buy new wrapping paper for my two kids. I wrap each kids in different paper so they can tell whos is whos.

I then wrap my step childs in whatever paper I have left. Step child is not here on christmas day.

I was discussing this with a friend and she said its wrong that step child dont get new paper too? I cant see how it makes any difference?

Good grief. You have a practical system that works and suits everybody except your judgy friend (who it affects not one bit).

I do something similar. Who has the time to write out labels for all the DCs presents when you can just colour-code the wrap? It’s not favouritism, it’s just common sense. The kids don’t care if the paper was bought this year or last year.

If you really feel the need to satisfy Judgy-Friend, maybe buy two extra rolls of paper now and sit on them until next year so that your DC’s paper will be “old” too. (Which is of course ridiculous, as is her opinion.)

Get a grip!
My understanding is that the wrapping paper isn't some sort of emotional indicator of love but just a practical way of distinguishing between her two dc who will both be opening a number of presents at the exact same place and time so op doesn't have to write "dear x" and "dear y" on every single present.

If she bought expensive club-specific football themed paper for the club dc1 supports and paper with black bats all over it for goth dc2, then wrapped step child's with a mix of the two despite her being a pink loving girly girl then you might have a point.

But if it's literally just red with green stripes for dc 1 and green with red for dc2, and a mixture of whatever is left for stepchild, DH, her parents or whoever else - then that's fine.

People are always so confident about things like this! Personally, for the cost of a roll of wrapping paper, I wouldn’t risk it.

Did you read the part of the thread where OP said her own kids deserve more effort than the SC implying that wrapping paper is in fact a special arrangement she makes for her kids?

Of course her children deserve more effort from their mum than what their sibling does. Parenting is absolutely full on in a way that stepparenting is not, so of course OP is going to be putting more time and effort in to her own children because that’s just how it is and rightly so.

Oh grow up. It cost about £2 for a roll of paper thats just SD. You’re acting like a stroppy teenager over absolutely nothing.

Seriously? Jeez - get your SC an easily identifiable wrapping paper set.

Mt rhoughts exactly. Amazing how many mind-readers there are on MN. Speaking as a stepchild myself, I remember many the wonderful little touches my own stepmum did to make me feel an equal part of the family.

It sounds like the different sets of paper is a convenience for you, not a treat for the children. The kids opening presents together COULD get old paper if there were enough of one kind so that all presents in each set matched, but that's not the case. Unless someone who is actually impacted has complained, I wouldn't worry about it, as long as nobody's talking about the "new paper" or "special paper for each child" in front of the child who gets pot luck.

Don’t you think it’s amazing how this child is going to receive her gifts on Boxing Day and, instead of enjoying her gifts and time with her family, she’s going to be triggered by the wrapping paper to read her SMs mind and see that her half siblings got different paper the day before and that SM actually hates her based on this?
What skills!

I know it’s hard to consider that the kids talk amongst themselves. ‘That’s my wrapping paper’ ‘that’s mine’. And SC will never say a word about it, but they may feel it for a long time.

I am so incredibly grateful the blended family I grew up in where me and my siblings were treated as one ignoring that two of us were my dads children and one was his step child. Her father wasn't on scene I don't know if that played a role in it.

The issue is less about the wrapping and more about the importance that you are placing on the wrapping paper and the narrative. The narrative in some of your posts comes across that you carefully pick out paper for your children and the step child gets a mismatch of leftovers. It's quite different to in order to make the day easier I do half the presents in one paper and half in another paper so they are distinct. There's lovely paper that's used for everyone else that I don't need to quickly identify. It is obviously hard to properly read intent I messages and probably the reality is something in the middle and everyone will possibly have different ideas about how much or one or the other there is.

How would you feel if one year someone else did the wrapping for you and your children didn't get their paper and they had leftovers from last year. If it would bother you maybe you should get your step child their own paper and if your response is "it's only paper" I don't see the problem.

I have brown paper wrapping paper for everyone and they all get the same and I write names on. I have been known to iron the packing paper from online deliveries and use that instead. For me it's very much just paper that is useful for a few hours and quickly turns to rubbish. I give it as little thought as possible. I know my mum likes to pick out nice paper each year. It's an individual thing

She may not realise this year, she may. At some point one of the bio kids might comment that they always get one child design for all presents and stepchild will realise they get the off cuts of several different designs, inc adult paper. I’m guessing by OPs subsequent comments that there’s other corners being cut when it comes to stepchild. So yeah, at some point, they’re absolutely gonna realise. As others have said, why risk it. And why wouldn’t you want to treat them the same.

But by the time DSC is there, all the other paper will long since have landed in the recycling bin?
If the kids are spuriously point scoring 24 hours later over wrapping paper there are far larger problems at play than OPs gift identification system.

Not point scoring, but a throwaway comment ‘I got all the pink ones so I could find them quicker’ ‘I got all the blue ones’ and 2+2 becomes 13 for the SC.

Does anyone in your own real life actually have an issue with you doing this??

You buy separate papers for your own children for practical reasons of not having to label everything - my MIL does the same.

The issue doesn't apply for SC as she is the only one receiving presents at that time, so I genuinely don't see why anyone would complain about it in real life? She will not remember which Christmas wrapping paper you had last year.

I am very much in the treat all children equally camp. I take both children DS and DSD to pick paper together. They both have things wrapped in their individual paper with no labels. DS, I save a few things for him to open with DSD on Boxing Day because she doesn’t like all the attention being just on her opening gifts. She finds it awkward. We will also FaceTime DSD a few times on Christmas Day so she feels welcome etc. and knows we are thinking of her.

I treat them the same because I wouldn’t want one to question it when they were older. It’s about creating a safe place of love and belonging whether they are physically present or not.

It's a weird hill to die on. I'm out of touch with the UK but isn't wrapping paper about a quid?

From the first year my SS was in my life I treated him the same as my DS. So, although SS wasn't with us Christmas day I still did him a stocking & bought him presents with the same love & care (and wrapping standards) as for my bio son. Kids notice if they are treated differently to their siblings & this is not good for family harmony, for feelings of self worth, for relationships long term.

No one is saying you have to love a SC as much as your DC but you sure as hell have to treat them the same.

My SS is now 25, DS 22 & DD 16 - they are all treated equitably by husband and I and we are a close family. My sons are super close; I doubt that would have happened if we'd treated them differently according to parentage.

That's right, she'll be on MN in twenty years time traumatised because she's just found out that her wrapping paper was left over rather her having her own roll.

JFC!

and this is unlikely to be the only way in which OP discriminates against the SC

Sure, if you honestly think this is the only second rate half arsed thing stepmum is doing, then keep dreaming. I’m so thankful my stepmum put the effort in for me, all year round and wasn’t like some of the stepparents on here.

Funny how people come to Mumsnet to ask if they are being unreasonable, get told they are being unreasonable, and then instead of getting the hint… continue to defend themselves as not being unreasonable.

If you have the funds to buy 100 odd presents for the kids, you can buy another roll of wrapping paper. It’s not about the wrapping paper, it’s about the principle.

It says a lot about your thinking here although dont want to be too deep. Why not splash out on name cards and wrap presents all the same. Happy xmas

Discriminates?! Its paper, let's calm down.