To not go to the in-laws at Christmas

[Chai88]

I have just found out I’m unexpectedly pregnant. We already have two kids so this was not planned and I’m very anxious.

My MIL has nine grandchildren and with the last two kids, she did not seem happy when she found out they were on the way. She often feels she has too much responsibility and an expectation to babysit.

We generally don’t expect anything from her, but she’s often sassy with us too, despite there being weeks between each time she sees our kids.

She likes to host Christmas Day and we’ve been invited. I’m NOT ready to tell her about this pregnancy, due to me already being extremely anxious about it. I want to have the scan first, and I’ve already spoken to a nursery (need to be sorted extremely early where we live) so I want to have paid deposit for that first too. That way she’ll know we expect nothing from her.

Problem is, there’s no way to get through Christmas Day without her getting suspicious. She’ll expect me to drink a lot and she also serves foods that I can’t eat when pregnant.

I just can’t deal with her being sarcastic or nasty about this pregnancy, and she will get suspicious.

Would it be ok if I pretend I’m sick and don’t go? DH and the kids can still go.

Why in gods name would your children do that? Extraordinary!

Ffs don't tell them about the baby ....they'll be blabbing to anyone who'll listen

Just tell MIL and suck up her attitude. Then don't go to her for Christmas next year

@Chai88 Your MIL sounds toxic. You say she makes sarcastic and nasty comments. I'd just stay away and say no thanks to Christmas or any other event. There's no benefit to hanging around with toxic people and you don't want your kids soaking up her poison.

Don't let her spoil your Christmas with your children. Particularly if you're feeling anxious, a day alone won't help that. If she's going to be angry either way you may as well all stay home and have a lovely relaxed day.

Can you not get your husband to tell her that you have just decided to spend a quiet Christmas at home with your family this year? You can then relax and enjoy the day spent together as a family of four.

I certainly wouldn’t sacrifice spending the day without my children and husband just to keep her happy, nor would I be wanting to spend time with her either, as she sounds horrible.

Do they live nearby? As a compromise, could you suggest all meeting up for a walk/ lunch or something else on Boxing Day instead?

As long as you are not expecting her to babysit any of your kids, then she has no fucking right to an opinion on your pregnancy. Your DH needs to stand up to her, not leave you to deal with her alone.

Why did you agree to go to her for Christmas in the first place instead of saying that you were all staying home and DH would see her on Boxing day or something?

She sounds awful! I wouldn’t want to spend my Christmas Day with her pregnant or not. Congratulations on your pregnancy ❤️ baby is a blessing who cares what your MIL thinks!

There's no way I'd miss Christmas day withy kids.

You're on antibiotics so cannot drink.

What food can she possibly serve that you can't eat unless she's making her own mayo? If it's starters can you bring starters so she doesn't have to? Maybe bring a selection of canapes?

I understand your reasons for not telling her. Your DH needs to find a solution or all stay at home.

I think you should decide to have a quiet one at home this year with your DH and children. No bigger excuses needed really. You are ‘allowed’ to do what you want. Next Christmas will be a crazy one with a young baby around so enjoy a peaceful one this year without the drama. Tell everyone now in good time so that nobody is put out food wise and you can arrange smaller meet ups to swap presents etc. You don’t get this time back. Sounds like your in laws will have enough on to keep them busy with all those other grandchildren. Congratulations by the way. This will probably be your last pregnancy so enjoy and savour it. Get DH booked in for a vasectomy in the new year!

Could you go, tell her day before you had D&V and to be cautious youll stick to toast and tea?

Just don't go. You sound too sensitive.

Don't allow your decisions be determined by others.

Can you ALL have 'come down with an awful lurgy'? Family's together for Christmas and she can have a go at the other kids if she's feeling feisty.

What an unpleasant character she sounds.

I wouldn't want to spend Christmas day there and I wouldn't send the children.

Why is she controlling your whole family like this?

What does your DH suggest? Would you have to lie to him, too, about being unwell? Would he be able not to give you away to his DM? Would he be ok about keeping quiet?

I’m assuming she had had least 3 children herself, so can hardly be a cow about other people having more than two. Anyway, don’t go. Cry off and claim illness, or tell her the truth and stay at home anyway. DH could go over for a couple of hours with the DC.

Christ if I told someone I was pregnant and they were nasty about it I would literally get up and walk out and never see that person again!!
why do you even still speak to her after her negativity with the last 2?
I agree with others that IF she guesses and is nasty, your DH needs to pull her up on her behaviour and if she continues you all leave as a family.
I wouldn’t tell her before you’re ready to tell anyone else though, but your DH definitely needs to stand up to her and tell her to stop being so bloody rude