To end a friendship because of this?

[Boldness40s]

Am I being unreasonable to expect people not to talk over me and to have a decent conversation where both people have enough space to talk express themselves and feel properly listened to?

I am really struggling with my friendships. I am not someone who can tolerate this kind of behaviour anymore. I could in my 20s and 30s but not in my 40s. Recently, I have had to remove three friends from my life. Some removed themselves too as call them out as I had enough.
It almost like that is ok for them to display such bad conversations skills but not ok for me to let them know that I am not comfortable with.

I have categories the people I have come across

1. People who constantly jump from one subject to another without giving you any space to talk at all. You don’t get a word in. And when you finally do get a chance to say something, they don’t really listen they look somewhere else or start doing something else and you are left thinking I was actually talking.

1. People who talk over you all the time. They don’t give you enough space to finish your sentences. They try to finish your sentence, They just interrupt and keep talking.

1. People who suddenly give their attention to something or someone else while you are talking for example to their child, even when the child isn’t actually needing attention. I completely understand that children come first and I have children too but at least let me finish my sentence. Instead, they suddenly turn away, tickle their child, smile at them, and give them full attention, and I am left thinking, Okay, she is not listening to me anymore.

I honestly feel like I have no tolerance left for these kinds of people. If you do any of the above, you have very poor conversation skills. If you’re not listening, what kind of friendship is that? Why would anyone want to be friends if they’re never given space to talk or express themselves?

I’ve removed several friends from my life because of this. I’m absolutely okay being on my own, but I will not put up with this kind of behaviour.

I’m genuinely interested to know why some people have such poor communication skills like this.

Also if you come across any of these people, do you know why they are like that? I am still interested to know why even I often cut my relationship with them because I feel like I can’t find anyone that I can be friends with anymore. I am a little lonely 😭

All 3 sound like a night out with my family

We are now estranged….no surprise!

SIL is like this, talks non stop about herself and her life and when she finally stops to take a breath and you can speak, starts scrolling her phone. So rude.
I hear you.

Wow 😳
just tell her that she is rude. You will feel so good I promise plus you probably wont have to see her again 👌

I understand fully, OP. I often wonder is it because I'm long-winded, when people talk over me or turn away to do something else? Maybe I am!

DM does this, because she has zero patience for people not getting to the point🙄

I've come to the conclusion that many people really don't want a conversation, but just want to hear their own voices and their own opinions.

It's really common these days I find.

What happened to these people? I grew up in a family, and among relatives, where everyone came together and was genuinely interested in hearing what others had to say. People asked questions and actually listened to the answers.

Now my dad has been diagnosed with cancer, and one of my friends asked how he is. While I was talking, she suddenly shifted her attention in the café to other people and what they were doing. That really hurt. This is a very delicate subject for me, and I am already deeply hurt by it.

It has all Sorts of implications for self
worth and is painful

I have noticed this as well, but it isn’t universal. Perhaps screen addiction or other factors are affecting ability to concentrate for some. Certainly some of my friends say that they no longer read books because their concentration has been ruined by scrolling content.

But actually that’s no excuse. It is incredibly rude behaviour.

If you've lost several friends, it may be worth considering if you are the problem.

Have you tried pointing this out in the moment? So just stop talking for a beat, then say "were you listening to me?".

I agree with this poster. I think you may be the problem Op.

Yes. You’re ditching your friends right, left and centre and you’re now ‘a little lonely’ which makes me wonder whether you’re rather rigid and prescriptive about how you like things to be and struggle to accept that some people are more relaxed than you. Maybe people find your conversation a bit too intense and single-minded.

I get that it can be annoying when conversations go off on tangents or get interrupted, but I think you might be a bit over-sensitive to take it personally.

Possibly. Or the OP might be an interminable monologuer whom people interrupt after she’s talked for fifteen minutes without pause, or go on their phone or turn their attention to their child as a way of trying to signal they’ve had enough.

Possibly your friends are ND? Although they may not be ..but hear me out though ..

The butting in and talking over and flitting from one topic to another sound typical ADHD traits. Not all people with ADHD or ADD behave this way. There is no malice behind it if they do, it’s just impulse

The talking about one self nonstop reminds me of certain close friends with autism. Obviously not all my friends with autism. And again there is no malice, it’s just the way the brain is.

These behaviours can be difficult to manage I agree. However it’s also unusual to have no friends and so I wonder if you’re ND what with struggling socially.

At the end of the day we are all unique, amazing but torally flawed humans. If they have good hearts and good intentions then Id have buckets of patience. However best have little patience for people who are genuinely awful.

Listening is a skill sadly lacking in many people.
I do think the phone and its instant gratification has a lot to do with this - just tonight I was watching a movie that I was enjoying yet still felt the pull of the phone to scroll! Sad to think we do that to people too, and so often see a couple people out together both glued to their separate phones rather than engaging with each other.

I just love when I meet people like this interrupting to make my presence felt and assert myself …..I literally talk over them till they stop interrupting me. It messes with their head…..but they get the message when it’s my turn to talk shut TFU and listen whether u like it or not.

If you've lost several friends, it may be worth considering if you are the problem.

Nasty.

Yes OP, I also find people are generally self-obsessed nowadays.

I see it in family, friends and general chats with people.

Maybe a result of Covid Lockdown. Most people cannot sit with themselves and need to be "heard".

If they have always been that way and it’s only recently started to annoy you then dropping them is the best option. You can’t expect them to suddenly change. Going forward, be more selective and choose friends you can enjoy conversations with.

If they previously talked with you the way you prefer but have changed perhaps consider they may have done so in response to something you do. Are you long winded? Do you interrupt? Do you spend time monitoring how they are behaving rather than joining in with the natural flow of the conversation? Do you notice if people are bored by the subjects you raise?

Yes yes and thrice yes. The 'monologue' people. Awful

If everyone is talking over you , interrupting you and generally glazing over then maybe you are just really boring.

have any of the people you’ve cut off attempted reconciliation ?

I did, it worked for while but it obviously creates awkward moments too.

Oh wow. I’m not ditching anyone like you imagine. I’m simply showing them that I’m not comfortable with it, and I’m not allowing anyone to treat me like that. I do it very politely, without accusing or attacking at all. They get very defensive, and most of the time the friendship fades naturally. It’s a process, but yes, I do lead to it because I don’t put up with this behaviour.
And you think I am the problem. I am not perfect I know that but I do have good conversations skills

Talking over someone can be very rude but sometimes the person who does this that is just swept up in the moment and forgets to be polite. I don't mind this when it is done occasionally.

However, anyone who makes a habit of talking over you is sending a message that they think what they have to say is more important than what you say. I avoid these people if they are repeat offenders. It makes a conversation feel like a battle to get the word in!