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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it harsh to tell your child there's no Santa

84 replies

Makebelievefairy · 15/12/2025 21:24

DD (age 7, year 3) came home from school today and said another child in her class said FC isn't real, and neither are fairies.

DD, at 7, seems so young still, but maybe I'm out of touch?
I think another parent mentioned the parents of this child told her that FC/fairies aren't real basically from birth, so she's never believed.

Just a bit sad it's spoiling some of the magic for others (though I completely appreciate it's up to the individual parent(s) to tell their child whatever they choose).

My DD is quite young in some ways, vivid imagination and lots of imaginative play, loves fairies still and having adventures.

Just left me feeling a bit meh. AIBU to be bothered?
I've basically outright lied to her this evening and today her they're real. Was that the wrong thing to do?
I know it's not a big deal in the grand scheme, but just wondered about similar experiences..

OP posts:
TheignT · 15/12/2025 21:26

Tell her the story of St Nicholas, a real man who has turned into Santa.

suburberphobe · 15/12/2025 21:27

Fairies are real, but Santa isn't. Just a creepy old gimmer in my view

It's lovely when kids have their magic growing up.

suburberphobe · 15/12/2025 21:28

Tell her the story of St Nicholas, a real man who has turned into Santa

No he isn't. St. Nicholas isn't even around at Christmas.

DappledThings · 15/12/2025 21:28

I had no idea until I was on MN that parents made such a big deal of believing and were sad about it. DC1 was 6 when he announced he'd figured out FC wasn't real. So that was that.

DC2 is also 7 and year 3. A few months she asked if he was real because she'd been thinking he wasn't so I gently said you're right. She then said she didn't believe me and does think he's real so I said that was fine too.

Either way it didn't make me sad or worry they were missing the "magic" or anything like that.

I wouldn't bat an eyelid at any 7 year old either believing or not believing and I don't think either state is something significant or emotional.

Snowangles · 15/12/2025 21:29

Op don't go into too much detail be vague change the subject . Defiantly keep it going ...lots of children say that because they can't believe it ,I'm an adult I can hardly believe it etc

bridgetreilly · 15/12/2025 21:32

Well, you could ask your DD whether she believes the other child more than you. But personally, I wouldn’t lie to my child. It’s one thing to be a bit vague and give her space to still believe if she wants, but I don’t think it’s great if they work out you actually lied. The other thing is just to not make a big deal about it and say how fun it is to pretend.

u3ername · 15/12/2025 21:40

“Well, you could ask your DD whether she believes the other child more than you. But personally, I wouldn’t lie to my child. It’s one thing to be a bit vague and give her space to still believe if she wants, but I don’t think it’s great if they work out you actually lied. The other thing is just to not make a big deal about it and say how fun it is to pretend.”

I agree.

Children’s imagination is like no other. They don’t need to be lied that Hulk is real to completely immerse themselves in playing Hulk.

Hufflemuff · 15/12/2025 21:41

Agreed - my DD is 11 and I will never tell her 🤣 I think ill play along forever!

Ponderingwindow · 15/12/2025 21:43

you don’t need to actively lie to your child to create a bit of magic and whimsy in their life.

No one else is responsible for helping you maintain anything you choose to tell your child.

Clefable · 15/12/2025 21:48

Personal preference.

Before kids, I sort of scoffed when anyone said Santa stuff was lying to kids. I thought that was totally OTT.

But then I had DD1, an incredibly logical, sceptical, curious child, and I very quickly became uncomfortable with the amount of lying I would have to do to keep the Santa thing alive. If it had all remained very vague and non-specific I would have felt okay about it but she is ruthless. When she was 4, she first raised doubts about it. And by last Christmas, when she was 5, she was relentless with questions and eventually asked outright if he was real. I asked if she wanted to really know or if she just wanted to believe whatever she wanted and she said she wanted to know. I told her and she was totally unbothered, just said ‘I knew it!’ and then everything carried on as normal. We still do all the traditions and putting the cookies out etc, but I do admit to being slightly relieved I don’t have to have an ethical crisis about waffling on about magic keys and the like.

DD2 (3) does believe as far as I can tell but we are very vague about it so I don’t know how long she will. DD1 is very careful to keep her knowledge to herself!

Clefable · 15/12/2025 21:50

I actually read a good article from a child psychologist about this who said that believing he’s actually real isn’t the important thing, it’s the sense of make-believe and play around it. I need to find it again.

HatAndScarf33 · 15/12/2025 21:51

My dc was 8 years old when he figured it out but I told him to keep it to himself so those who hadn't yet could still enjoy believing until they figured it out. I give him a gentle reminder each Christmas and he’s actually very sweet and really plays along for his younger sibling and cousins who still believe. I think i’d have been a bit disappointed if he found out from a peer at 7. Not the end of the world, but his coming to his own conclusions was my preference. So I get you feeling a bit disappointed.

Freetodowhatiwant · 15/12/2025 21:52

I was surprised at how I felt about lying to the kids too, I am was pleased when they stopped believing at quite a young age. Probably around 9 for both of them maybe earlier. I too don't get the big deal people put into christmas though, we are a close family all year round and whilst we are not currently wealthy the kids don't want for anything. I hate this huge consumer thing Christmas has turned into.

Original poster
Makebelievefairy · 15/12/2025 21:53

Thanks eveyone for taking time to reply.

Really interesting to read. I know it's not a big deal and we can have lots of fun, magic and imaginative play whether she believes or not (and eventually, she'll find out of course).
the lying bit today made me feel uncomfortable, but on the spot, I just knee jerked it.
I think next time I'll be more vague, and be led by her, so she can discover things when she's ready.

I'd love to read that article, I'll look for it.

OP posts:
CosyMintFish · 15/12/2025 21:55

The scientifically minded kids figure it out for themselves in reception. It tends to be bright, logical kids who conclude themselves that fairy stories are fairy stories rather than humourless parents whispering brutal truths to them. I don’t think my dc enjoyed Christmas any less for not believing - ds2 was relieved, I think, as he didn’t like the idea of a stranger being able to get into his room in the night, and the fact it didn’t make sense.

Original poster
Makebelievefairy · 15/12/2025 21:55

Lovely idea asking little ones to perhaps keep to themselves because of other children that may still believe. Very empathetic and considerate of others.

OP posts:
Original poster
Makebelievefairy · 15/12/2025 21:57

Gosh yes cosy mint, a stranger coming into your room at night, rather scary

OP posts:
cooksbrandedclock · 15/12/2025 22:03

Santa does exist. He is in most shopping malls. I have seen him on the telly too, and in films. One of his elves was stacking shelves at my local supermarket yesterday … although her ears did look a bit like they were made from felt.

ComtesseDeSpair · 15/12/2025 22:06

You just have to be a bit pragmatic. You can go with “well, what do you believe? you don’t have to believe in the same things as everyone else does, it’s up to you.”

It’s always going to be a tricky one because even in “believing” families, every family has different traditions: for some of your child’s peers, Father Christmas will only bring stocking presents and family buy the rest, whilst for others he will bring all of the presents. Likewise, some of your children’s peers will be celebrating the birth of God’s son Jesus this Christmas, but if you aren’t Christian you probably won’t feel as though you should pretend to your own children that the nativity is a real, true story just to protect other children’s faith.

OhDear111 · 15/12/2025 22:15

I had a friend with no dc who was keen to know if my dc “believed” every Christmas! DD1 worked it out at around 5 or 6 and stated she knew exactly where the presents came from! We put love from mummy and daddy of them. She could read. It didn’t matter and we just had a bit of fun regarding FC squeezing down the chimney. Dd than wanted to know how he got into the room as we had a log burner. You just cannot keep lying when dc are savvy!

Clefable · 15/12/2025 22:18

There’s a brilliant book that pokes fun at the weird ways Santa might get into houses. My two think it’s hilarious

https://amzn.eu/d/fri3IN2

Amazon.co.uk

Amazon.co.uk

https://amzn.eu/d/fri3IN2?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-am-i-being-unreasonable-5460579-to-think-it-harsh-to-tell-your-child-theres-no-santa

Cybiil · 15/12/2025 22:19

CosyMintFish · 15/12/2025 21:55

The scientifically minded kids figure it out for themselves in reception. It tends to be bright, logical kids who conclude themselves that fairy stories are fairy stories rather than humourless parents whispering brutal truths to them. I don’t think my dc enjoyed Christmas any less for not believing - ds2 was relieved, I think, as he didn’t like the idea of a stranger being able to get into his room in the night, and the fact it didn’t make sense.

I never believed in FC as a child, hence I never tried to make my own children believe either. We enjoy Christmas, but don’t make a massive deal out of it.

MCF86 · 15/12/2025 22:59

Clefable · 15/12/2025 21:48

Personal preference.

Before kids, I sort of scoffed when anyone said Santa stuff was lying to kids. I thought that was totally OTT.

But then I had DD1, an incredibly logical, sceptical, curious child, and I very quickly became uncomfortable with the amount of lying I would have to do to keep the Santa thing alive. If it had all remained very vague and non-specific I would have felt okay about it but she is ruthless. When she was 4, she first raised doubts about it. And by last Christmas, when she was 5, she was relentless with questions and eventually asked outright if he was real. I asked if she wanted to really know or if she just wanted to believe whatever she wanted and she said she wanted to know. I told her and she was totally unbothered, just said ‘I knew it!’ and then everything carried on as normal. We still do all the traditions and putting the cookies out etc, but I do admit to being slightly relieved I don’t have to have an ethical crisis about waffling on about magic keys and the like.

DD2 (3) does believe as far as I can tell but we are very vague about it so I don’t know how long she will. DD1 is very careful to keep her knowledge to herself!

I was like your Dd1... only I told my mum in case she didn't know (my logical thinking obviously hadn't extended as far as to think about who actually did do it all 😂)

Netcurtainnelly · 15/12/2025 23:01

No not harsh it's sensible.
Christmas is the biggest load of crap ever peddled.

JoannaTheYodelingCowgirl · 15/12/2025 23:03

We always told our kids from a very young age that Santa is a myth, but other children like to believe in him so we taught them to be respectful of that and not spoil it for them