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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it harsh to tell your child there's no Santa

84 replies

Makebelievefairy · 15/12/2025 21:24

DD (age 7, year 3) came home from school today and said another child in her class said FC isn't real, and neither are fairies.

DD, at 7, seems so young still, but maybe I'm out of touch?
I think another parent mentioned the parents of this child told her that FC/fairies aren't real basically from birth, so she's never believed.

Just a bit sad it's spoiling some of the magic for others (though I completely appreciate it's up to the individual parent(s) to tell their child whatever they choose).

My DD is quite young in some ways, vivid imagination and lots of imaginative play, loves fairies still and having adventures.

Just left me feeling a bit meh. AIBU to be bothered?
I've basically outright lied to her this evening and today her they're real. Was that the wrong thing to do?
I know it's not a big deal in the grand scheme, but just wondered about similar experiences..

OP posts:
CaffeineChaosandCuddles · 16/12/2025 07:10

Christmas is a magically time for me; my grandparents no longer here made Christmas special and I have vivid memories of all the things they’d do for me to make Father Christmas exist.

having children, I could see my parents want to do the same… when my daughter started reception at 4.. a little boy told her Father Christmas wasn’t real. When she told me I said:

’He might be on the bad list, Father Christmas might not visit him and that’s why he think that’

SOOO bad of me I know, but I don’t feel guilty. It’s magic to me and kids are only innocent for a short time before they realise how tragic this world is.

PonkyPonky · 16/12/2025 07:18

I couldn’t outright lie to DC about this. I’ve always just said ‘some people believe and some people don’t’. One they know though, I would definitely tell them not to go spreading that around school because it is magical for younger kids and it’s shit you’ve have that taken away already.

LiddySmallbury · 16/12/2025 07:19

God, you’d think we’re total brutes, as we never did the ‘Santa is literally real’ thing at all. DS has always adored Christmas nonetheless, and still does at 13.

Sprogonthetyne · 16/12/2025 07:24

Outside of the mumsnet universe, I think most 7yo have worked it out. In an ideal world thous who know would keep it quiet from the few who still beleve, but they're 7, so don't really get the concept of preserving magic/innocence in the way adults do.

cramptramp · 16/12/2025 07:27

Some parents are just wankers. It’s all about them feeling bad for lying to their children. Tell her that the child is wrong and Santa and fairies are real.

JumpingPumpkin · 16/12/2025 07:32

I am an utterly literal person in general, atheist, and always assumed I wouldn't pretend Santa was real. However, when it came to it I simply did the tradition of a Christmas stocking and as my children got older and questioned it I replied in an overly dramatic shocked way that if he wasn't real where did the presents come from? The end result was that it was obviously a pretend game but I never "broke" it by stating the truth. I actually surprised myself that it felt important to play it as a real game.

OtterlyAstounding · 16/12/2025 07:36

Like many on this thread, I never told my children Father Christmas was real. I wasn't raised to believe he was real and I still adored Christmas growing up - the magical atmosphere, the family gatherings, the tree and decorations, and the presents.

I also didn't like the idea of deliberately lying to my children because I thought in their place I might be upset to know I'd been fooled for years. So we raised them with the knowledge that Santa was a global imagination game that some children believed in (so don't ruin it for them) and others knew was just fun pretend play.

Most of their peers had figured out by age 7 that Santa wasn't real though, regardless of their parents efforts. I'm very sceptical of the claims that, in this day and age, any neurotypical child older than 10 truly believes Santa is real.

ThatNaiceMember · 16/12/2025 07:47

My second child was about the same age when she was told/worked it out. Because we had younger children and second child would never have been able to keep it from them we did try and persuade her he was real, but it didn't take. Once she knew it just seemed obvious to her. It's a shame but honestly didn't spoil the magic of Christmas for her at all. She's 17 now and still gets excited over her Christmas stocking.

Oh and I had around 20 older cousins so can't even ever remember believing in anything like that but also still loved Christmas and stockings and carols etc etc.

TheignT · 16/12/2025 08:12

Sprogonthetyne · 16/12/2025 07:24

Outside of the mumsnet universe, I think most 7yo have worked it out. In an ideal world thous who know would keep it quiet from the few who still beleve, but they're 7, so don't really get the concept of preserving magic/innocence in the way adults do.

Yes I think 7 is a fairly average age, say anything between ,6 and 8 obviously some outliers.

Keepoffmyartichokes · 16/12/2025 08:19

My son worked it out aged 7, right in the middle of lockdown. I told him he might no be real but the idea of Santa, giving gifts and spreading kindness to others and not expecting anything in return is the true magic of Christmas and Santa is just the beacon for that. I also told him not to tell others who believed as it's just a bit mean

ExquisiteSocialSkills · 16/12/2025 08:26

I was quite young, about six, when I asked an older sibling and they confirmed FC didn’t exist. I was quite pleased as I always thought it was weird and didn’t make sense and the stocking still appeared while I was asleep.

KilliMonjaro · 16/12/2025 08:26

I still do stockings for my teens. LOVE it! They know if they question the existence of Santa my answer will be - you can choose not to believe in him, that’s fine. He just won’t bring you any presents 🤷🏻‍♀️
They shut up then 🤣

TheGrimSmile · 16/12/2025 08:39

All these parents who think their 7 year old still really believe in Santa crack me up. They aren't daft. They know he's not real but they play along with it because they like the magic and it's fun. I can remember knowing full-well at 6 years old that it was mum and dad, but I kept up the pretence because I liked it and I also thought that maybe I wouldn't keep getting presents if they knew id figured it out.

ProfessionalPirate · 16/12/2025 08:43

suburberphobe · 15/12/2025 21:28

Tell her the story of St Nicholas, a real man who has turned into Santa

No he isn't. St. Nicholas isn't even around at Christmas.

What do you mean he isn’t even around at Christmas? I’m Polish and St Nicholas day is a big deal?

ProfessionalPirate · 16/12/2025 08:47

TheGrimSmile · 16/12/2025 08:39

All these parents who think their 7 year old still really believe in Santa crack me up. They aren't daft. They know he's not real but they play along with it because they like the magic and it's fun. I can remember knowing full-well at 6 years old that it was mum and dad, but I kept up the pretence because I liked it and I also thought that maybe I wouldn't keep getting presents if they knew id figured it out.

Speak for yourself. I absolutely still believed at 7 and I’m no idiot. I think these things depend on how the parents handle it, combined with what peers might be saying to them. My parents did a really good job - kept it fairly simple and subtle, no spying elves etc. and just enough magic to keep me convinced.

TaraRhu · 16/12/2025 08:50

My son worked it out 5.. He is very mathematically minded and was just like 'he's just not real mum'. Unfortunately, he Told his 4. Year old sibling recently. But I managed to back track and convince her hexes lying. He's been warned not to say anything to anyone .

It's not ruined his Xmas. He still loves it. I do think it's better they figure it out than being the kid in year 5/6 who still thinks Santa is real

Hillarious · 16/12/2025 08:56

Santa is real. I saw him at the weekend in a bike. No cycle helmet, just his Santa hat. He was wearing sunglasses. Obviously in disguise hoping no one would notice him.

I’ve never told my kids that Santa isn’t real, but never pushed it that he is. They’re a logical little group and the magic goes on with the unspoken acceptance that he is the Christmas present delivery service. No presents under the tree before Christmas, and that’s still the case that they’re in their late 20s.

We’ve never pushed the myth of Santa as I don’t like the idea of lying. We just let them roll with it and came out the other end unscathed with no lying.

UsernameMcUsername · 16/12/2025 09:22

My DC grew up knowing that Santa was just a story, though based on a real person called St Nicholas. I'm a Christian and IME plenty of Christians take this approach. We tend to be twitchy about the 'lying' aspect. They still love Christmas! I did tell them quite early on that many other children do believe and not to rain on their parade. But I also wasn't going to tell them to lie, so I'm sure if a child ever asked them directly they'd have said that Santa wasn't real.

Hufflemuff · 17/12/2025 07:43

JudgeJ · 15/12/2025 23:15

I think she's probably the one playing along to keep you happy!

Show quote history

Yep... just like I did with my Mum when I was a kid!

MossAndLeaves · 17/12/2025 11:20

cramptramp · 16/12/2025 07:27

Some parents are just wankers. It’s all about them feeling bad for lying to their children. Tell her that the child is wrong and Santa and fairies are real.

It's not at all. Our DS worked it out this year at 7, his older sister still strongly believes at 10 - he is very logical whereas she is very creative and into imagination.

I confirmed it to DS because his personality means he wasnt enjoying the pretence, once he realised it logically wasnt possible it was just frustrating him and he was arguing with his sister about whether he was real.

He was then happy once I confirmed it and said he got to join in with the fun of making christmas magic now, and hes been helping with ideas for the elf and talking to his sister like Santa's real again now.
It was ruining it more him thinking it wasnt real without the confirmation than telling him.

MossAndLeaves · 17/12/2025 11:24

TheGrimSmile · 16/12/2025 08:39

All these parents who think their 7 year old still really believe in Santa crack me up. They aren't daft. They know he's not real but they play along with it because they like the magic and it's fun. I can remember knowing full-well at 6 years old that it was mum and dad, but I kept up the pretence because I liked it and I also thought that maybe I wouldn't keep getting presents if they knew id figured it out.

Our 7 year old has figured it out, but our 10 year old genuinely believes still. Children have different levels of logical skills. Its the same as how some people raised in religion begin to realise as they grow up that its not real whereas others become adults who still strongly believe.

u3ername · 17/12/2025 11:28

MossAndLeaves · 17/12/2025 11:24

Our 7 year old has figured it out, but our 10 year old genuinely believes still. Children have different levels of logical skills. Its the same as how some people raised in religion begin to realise as they grow up that its not real whereas others become adults who still strongly believe.

Show quote history

I’ve actually met adults who believe in fairies. There’s a Facebook group and everything.
And I’m sure at some point they were told by somebody that they are not real.

MushroomWellingtonLady · 17/12/2025 11:30

I must be the only one who was absolutely devastated and in tears when I found out.

My sister told me when I was young, I said I didn’t believe it. We were with my older girl cousin and I think she was trying to show off. She told me to look in my mums bedroom cupboard and then I saw the presents. She laughed her head off and I was crying.

I’ve never told my children Santa was real as I feel like it broke some kind of trust I had and that feeling of being tricked and laughed at. I want my children to always believe my words.

Tcateh · 17/12/2025 11:32

Pinkroom · 15/12/2025 23:13

My son is now 13 and we've still never had any discussions if Santa is real or not haha. He of course knows hes not by the little comments here and there he makes but hes never when younger questioned it. I think its a lovely thing to believe in and cant understand why anyone would think otherwise personally. I would have done the same as you OP and said of course hes real!

Edited

Mine's 24😂

I guess we've just kept a festive magical thing going.

I'm not sure what I would have said if asked outright when they were younger though, but I value the joy of the experience and it's become the same over the years for them.
Maybe it depends on your own experience growing up too. My mum was giddy at Christmas when we were kids lol.
X

Icantsaythis · 17/12/2025 11:37

Large age gaps between mine.

When the eldest said she didn’t believe in Santa aged about 10 I said ok stockings only come to those that believe in Santa and she is an adult now and still makes the point of believing or saying she believes so that she gets a stocking…. Never been an issue here. We don’t say anything. We do have a tea bag fairy that leaves tea bags on the side though