To think it harsh to tell your child there's no Santa

[Makebelievefairy]

DD (age 7, year 3) came home from school today and said another child in her class said FC isn't real, and neither are fairies.

DD, at 7, seems so young still, but maybe I'm out of touch?
I think another parent mentioned the parents of this child told her that FC/fairies aren't real basically from birth, so she's never believed.

Just a bit sad it's spoiling some of the magic for others (though I completely appreciate it's up to the individual parent(s) to tell their child whatever they choose).

My DD is quite young in some ways, vivid imagination and lots of imaginative play, loves fairies still and having adventures.

Just left me feeling a bit meh. AIBU to be bothered?
I've basically outright lied to her this evening and today her they're real. Was that the wrong thing to do?
I know it's not a big deal in the grand scheme, but just wondered about similar experiences..

Well I wouldn’t have said he was definitely real, I would have told them they can decide if they want to believe.

But I’m one of those parents who hasn’t encouraged nor discouraged the Santa thing (I say it’s a wonderful story), but my child believes in it anyway.

Sorry but santa evolved from father winter/ father time not saint nicolas as much as the church might otherwise

My son is now 13 and we've still never had any discussions if Santa is real or not haha. He of course knows hes not by the little comments here and there he makes but hes never when younger questioned it. I think its a lovely thing to believe in and cant understand why anyone would think otherwise personally. I would have done the same as you OP and said of course hes real!

I think she's probably the one playing along to keep you happy!

We still believe in our house and our DC are all adults! They humour us.

You can keep the magic going - it doesn’t have to that big of a deal. We used to say “well, if you don’t believe, he doesn’t come and bring presents…” with a wink. They knew which side of the bread they like buttered - whatever their mates said at school.

We have never done Santa with the kids and certainly when they have outright asked we have told them the truth. I still say things to them like ‘Santa doesn’t come if your room is untidy’ but they know full well that’s just me wanting them to tidy their rooms!

Both the (older) boys have thanked me for not being the only kid in class still believing in year 6 or so. Beyond a certain point I think it’s more for the parents than the kids. We manage to have a magical Christmas without Santa!

My youngest and his friend worked out that it wasn't possible in year 1. The logic just didn't work out. My other two had it figured out by the start of juniors. I'm always a bit 🤔 when I read on here about people with kids about to start secondary school who supposedly still believe in Santa.

I think it's ok to white lie to your kids at a young age, but if it's a full on please tell me mum moment then you have to tell the truth. I think the easiest is a shrug and say you think he only comes to believers. When dc started asking specific questions about Santa I'd always say 'well how would I know' and they wouldn't pursue it.

On balance I'd rather a child figured out early than was too stupid to figure it out at all. I think it shows a very low curiosity and a gullibility to not question the story. My friends recently told their 13 year old, they were worried she might get teased. I was shocked they let her get to 13. I said I thought she was only playing them too, she probably didn't believe for years but my friend said the child genuinely believed and had never questioned any of it. This kid has a smart phone can you imagine who vulnerable she is to conspiracy theories.

There is no wrong or right way OP. Do what is right for you.

I think it’s wrong to lie to children, wrong to insist that Santa, fairies etc are real when they clearly aren’t. I then get accused of “ruining the magic” and having spoilt my kids childhood because I never taught them Santa was real.
And yet….my dad is 21 and still behaves as if Santa is real, still looks out for his reindeer. Actually we had a 30 minute conversation this evening about her favourite book character and his adventures as if he is real. He’s an anthropomorphic bear! Obviously she knows he isn’t actually real but she loves him! Magic lost - totally not!
Far far better to encourage a child’s imagination than to teach them to believe a lie.

Santa Clause is based on the saint, Santa - Saint Claus - Short for Nicholas.

Yours might, mine is definitely St Nicholas

I don't think there's anything wrong with going along with the story of Father Christnas, I don't consider it lying. Your dd will find it more magical to carry on believing, there's nothing wrong with that, especially when she is only 7.

I think my adult kids probably know the truth but they are too smart to admit it.

This, I’m nearly 60 and my parents still swear every which way Santa is real, as do I to my DD, and as will she to her kids.

We don’t do santa, the tooth fairy etc in our house, we have a very small christmas just a token one so the kids can say they got a handful of presents for christmas. Hanukkah and celebrations of Gurus birthdays, although lots of Sikhs do celebrate christmas.

At seven lots will have already figured out santa isn’t real, it doesn’t make christmas any less fun. They may be like our son and see the positive “santa isn’t real so I don’t need to be good to get presents” an excellent life lesson he’s taught himself…

I don’t think theres anything wrong with you encouraging them to still believe, yes its a lie, but it isn’t a bad lie or something intended to cause harm, or deceive about something serious.

When one of our DC asked us if Father Christmas was real, we asked him if he believed he was. When he said yes we told him then he is real. It only mattered if he believed.

Anyone overthinking all of this needs to get a hobby.

Being logical isn’t the only way a person can be ‘bright’. Creative kids are often bright too… And having an active imagination is not a sign your child is a dope.

That aside. Some kids figure it out quicker than others but it isn’t ok to ruin the magic for other children.

I read somewhere that when slightly younger children than average figure out for themselves that Santa isn’t real it actually shows that they have good critical thinking skills. So that’s a positive to focus on rather than all the ‘devastated’ parents who post on here because their DC have figured it out.

DS figured it out for himself at nearly 8 years old and I was 7 when I asked my DF outright if he existed and he said no. Both DS and I (as a child) still have that magical Christmas spirit.

I’ve never heard of anyone believing in fairies though (excluding the tooth fairy).

Isn't imagining something different from truly believing it?

Indeed, a good imagination is generally a sign of intelligence.

Wait, what?!
Spoiler alert please!
I knew about the fairy thing, but Santa not being real is a game-changer!?
😉

Grown-ups, stop being so bloody grown-up about it! Sheesh!!!

When your DC play pretend and say they're a bee / dinosaur / cat / shop keeper / doctor / whatever, do you fret that they don't believe it's real, or do you let them immerse themselves and play?

Father Christmas is a wonderful play-pretend game that everyone gets behind, that's the magic of it!

Adults forget that children can both know something is not true really AND feel like they believe it when they're playing along.

I can remember thinking how silly some other children were for still believing in Santa when I was in reception, about 5! I can't remember ever knowing Santa wasn't real, really. But, come Christmas Eve, I got swept along with the magic and believed for the duration.

I can remember being older than that - 7 maybe - and desperately trying to stay awake all night on Christmas Eve so I could prove to myself that Santa was my parents. Didn't manage it! Still was delighted to get my stocking in the morning!

It doesn't matter if a child knows it's not real, you can still play this magical game together.

Stressing about whether they believe is kinda missing the point IMO, and can spoil the game for you!

We've always said "Well people can believe in whatever they want and it's up to you if you believe in the magic of Christmas" I think it keeps the magic alive without any outright untruths. As they get older I think they just like to go along with it for tradition and at some point they may let you know that they know.

DD is 11 and I’m pretty sure her year have all worked it out but she hasn’t asked directly, so we keep it going for now as I follow her lead. We have not visited Father Christmas for a couple of years at least.

For PP who were discussing Father Time/Christmas vs St Nicholas, it seems you are both right.

https://www.english-heritage.org.uk/christmas/the-history-of-father-christmas/