Why do people ask you for a present idea then ignore you?

[Ughhhhh77]

First world problem I know but why why why do people ask, “what would DC like for Christmas?” so you tell them a specific thing off their Christmas list within budget and then they DON’T BUY IT. Because now I have to go out and get it last minute when I’ve already done the whole mental load of the present anyway. It frustrates me so much, I’ve started saying to people “please let me know if you don’t get it so I can get it for them”. But it sounds so rude and ungrateful 🙈

I agree it's so annoying.
I often think it's nice if the gifts match or go together.
When my daughter got her Baby Born doll one grandmother got a pretend cot for the doll, the other grandmother got clothes and accessories.
This was all co-ordinated by the 3 of us.
It made a really nice gift all together.
I don't think you can insist on others following the list - but if they actually ask I don't understand the logic of them ignoring it.

It's deliberate spite - to make sure they don't get something thats wanted.

It is so annoying! I used to pass on what the kids wanted to grandma and have to think of other ideas. To end up with her picking something else and them not getting what they actually asked for. I now always make sure we buy what they want and either say “I don’t know” or ask for vouchers from family!

I do this- set off with the suggested gift recommended then see something I’d love them to have/ else/ better/ cheaper. It’s honestly not deliberate!!!!!!

sure it's not!😉

Grrrr. We finally managed to stop my genuinely lovely DPIL doing this the year they decided that rather than a small actual LEGO set they’d buy a much larger knock off one. Which didn’t then go together properly, causing them to have to help DS1 with it and becoming as frustrated as he was.

Either stick to the list or don’t ask (or at least let the person who gave you the idea know so that they can reroute the idea to someone else).

So you ask what your grandchild would like for Christmas.
You are given the suggestion of getting a specific toy because it goes with the main present from the parents.
The main present will be better with extras - for example the parents are giving a wooden train set so on the list they give you is extra trains or the matching station etc.
This is what you grandchildren is dreaming of...a massive train layout that they can create an amazing little world with.
So what to you is a "better" present? Why do you want them to have something completely different.
Sounds a bit mean to me.

Needmorelego

Not a gp- I’m 46! That’s a very specific example- no, they say they like colouring for example, and I see a toy of eg paw patrol that I also know they love so I get it! Hopefully not mean!!!

zipadeedodah

well it’s deliberate in that I do it- but I didn’t set out to, I just saw something else! Toy shops are dangerous to me!!!

Depends if it’s too expensive, or won’t be delivered in time, or if it’s more of a suggestion for the type of thing they like. May not get the exact thing.

This absolutely drives me nuts!

Present giving is about finding something that THEY will love. Not getting something that YOU want them to have.

I've been asked to get very basic clothes that the parents should be buying (for children, not even over 16s) and chosen not to as I wanted them to have actual gifts that they'd love.

My dm does this so I never tell her anything the dc have actually asked for, just something I think they might like. No idea. People can be so annoying.

But if you know you can get them actual gifts that they'd love then why are you asking the parents what they want?

It is deliberate. You’re putting your choice ahead of theirs. If you’re going to do that then do it, but don’t ask for a list then.

Do you at least let the parents know that you haven’t got what they asked for?

My MIL insisted I give her a list that didn't include household decor/kitchenware.

Given that I'm losing weight on a pre-surgery diet, clothes and food are out. I don't like smellies as a gift (happy with my Lidl own brand selections), and she vetoed gym equipment or car equipment too, nice house things was basically all I wanted.

Having permitted me to ask for a clothes voucher for when my weight is settled (book vouchers also liked but not given), she got me a fugly family organiser.

I asked for a very nice organiser past year, but I don't get why something very practical is allowed, and why she'd get me something so outside my usual taste. It's maddening.

One set of DCs grandparents were a bit like this - they would always buy a cheaper alternative that wasn’t quite what was on the list . It was miserable , because the other side were over generous but just bought everything in sight . I learnt not to give out real ideas off the list in the end . Money wasn’t an issue

It's still annoying though if the parents are expecting a specific gift to go with the other gifts and their child ends up with some random alternative.

I agree that if you ask for a specific present suggestion then you should get what's reasonably suggested. Otherwise save the parents the bother of having to think of something to suggest and just buy what you want.

I do think that some of our kids grandparents generation perhaps don't realise how bad the tat quality stuff actually is. They think that a big box of cheap knock offs is better value than buying one Barbie or equivalent.

Yes I've done this 😆

To everyone else: it's a suggestion. Go on the assumption they won't get what you said!

YANBU.

Unless I'm really really stuck, I don't ask for ideas. I love choosing things that I know people will love. But I only buy for people I know well. If someone wants something specific they can ask me, but I'd always tell them I prefer to pick my own gifts to give. Or I might check "I know Sally loves Peppa pig, are peppa toys ok or does she have hundreds already?"

When my own DC were very small and my in-laws asked what to buy, we asked for Fisher Price Little People sets as that's what we were getting. They bought a totally different 'small world' brand as they decided it was better. So it meant we had sets that weren't compatible which kind of defeated the point!

Bobiverse

The parents are my relatives and both sets of parents have done the same as me, they’ll generally say I saw this and couldn’t resist, or I just transferred money for them, I know you said x or y. We don’t all have deep conversations about this, we’ve enough other stuff going on, figuring out about my man’s appointments, talking about her house crap etc. It’s presents! I’m not out to make their life shot or anything, I just had my head turned. I appreciate it seems to rile people up here so sorry

This was for me! My DP of the time asked me what I wanted for Christmas, so I said a dressing gown, because that WAS what I wanted.

He said 'you don't need one of those' (like he'd know) and bought me stuffed owls. Because he bought me owls every Christmas. I mean, I like owls, but only a normal amount, not the obsessive acquisitional lust that he seemed to ascribe to me.

I bought my own dressing gown. But why would he even ask if he was just going to dismiss my idea?

This topic has really hit a nerve for you, hasn’t it?

Can’t believe you really need this explaining, but I was trying to find out which gifts they’d really love. Not what basic essentials the parents could get covered by me instead.

Actually this poster has a point. Why did you ask what your grandchildren wanted when you already knew what they’d actually like? Am interested?