Why do people ask you for a present idea then ignore you?

[Ughhhhh77]

First world problem I know but why why why do people ask, “what would DC like for Christmas?” so you tell them a specific thing off their Christmas list within budget and then they DON’T BUY IT. Because now I have to go out and get it last minute when I’ve already done the whole mental load of the present anyway. It frustrates me so much, I’ve started saying to people “please let me know if you don’t get it so I can get it for them”. But it sounds so rude and ungrateful 🙈

Dear god, @KaleQueen, you genuinely seem to have problems with comprehension.

Agree op ,pils would always ask then moan or get something different.
In the end we started saying nothing when they asked.

They’ve asked for an idea, a suggestion. In my mind an idea would be for example ‘some art supplies’ or ‘Hello Kitty stuff’ or ‘a board game’, not a demand to buy an exact item. I think it’s massive cheeky fuckery when parents do this, especially when they don’t even know your intended budget.

Why is it imperative that DCs get every single exact thing on their list? I always made it clear to mine that Santa would do his best, but he might not be able to get everything. They also got things they hadn’t asked for, and were very happy to receive them.

Interesting perspective. I think you have a problem with being asked a straightforward question.

I now don’t give the good ideas. There was one thing DS wanted one year. It was super cheap so I let a cash strapped family member use the idea even though I wanted to really. They didn’t get it! He was really sad.

I ask for ideas but they're just that, ideas. I don't treat it as if an order has been placed. Sometimes I've been asked to buy some nasty plastic tat off Amazon or temu or whatever and I just decide to get something different. In my opinion gift-giving is for the giver and the recipient - I would only suggest people buy things they'd enjoy choosing and are happy to spend their money on.

It's alien to me that you'd "have" to go out and get it.

All my life, as a child and as a parent, gift lists have been wish lists. You hope you'll get some of the things on the list, but never expect all of it, and there might be surprises too which, are great as well.

For my own DC it was helpful if they didn't get everything because then there'd be something to spend any cash presents on, rather than seeing them spend it for the sake of it.

If you’re anything like my brother and SiL, it’s because you ask for a present idea min Nov and they finally get back to you mid December. I like to do my shopping end November when I get paid so I usually come up with my own ideas for my niece and nephew. I don’t like to chase her as I know they’re busy, but I like to give them an opportunity to let me know there’s anything they really want.

Does this really not answer your question, @KaleQueen? I'm not sure how rephrasing it would help...

I was trying to find out which gifts they’d really love. Not what basic essentials the parents could get covered by me instead.

So, you asked what to get them? Yes.
They told you. Yes.
You decided you weren’t getting that. Yes?
So why ask? If you were going to then ignore the request?
Why do you think theyve asked for clothes? Has that occurred to you?

I think it's very reasonable to ask if there's something fun they'd like but if the answer is no, to think of something yourself.

@TryingAgainAgainAgain I assume these were relatives you were buying for?
If the parents asked for clothes they obviously had a reason.
Surely you want your child relatives to have clothes if their parents can't provide for some reason.

The parents can absolutely and easily provide basic clothes for their children. That is not my role. As an aunt I buy gifts that are for the kids to enjoy, not to save their parents some expenditure.

I don't think the posters questioning this are engaging in good faith, but are of the increasing number who spend their time on MN picking and picking looking for something to criticise. Crack on if that provides you with some kind of satisfaction.

Probably the parents asked for clothes because the DC already have too much stuff. If my DSis asked me to get her boys clothes, I'd probably do it to help her out. Equally if I saw something I thought they'd love, I might get that instead.

I have no idea but it's so annoying. I've given out ideas of things within budget my children really wanted only for family members to buy something else or get a cheaper version that doesn't do what the original asked for does. Now if there's anything my children would really like I make sure I get it and don't pass those ideas on. I seem to end up suggesting everyone's presents and bloody wrapping them anyway these days.

@TryingAgainAgainAgain maybe - despite your best plans - you've always bought the children toys that just don't get played with and take up space and the parents are just a bit fed up with it.

May be @Needmorelego, my sister is weirdly stingy about gifts for her kids, despite being incredibly generous to herself. Probably it’s as simple as that, @Flowerslamp.

Stop asking in future. If you know better, you don’t need to give the other person the task of setting you a list.

My parents do this all the time with my kids!

Or I will ask for a specific colour of something and then they will buy a different colour because it’s like £2 cheaper. So annoying.

I’ve had this this year. Two weeks ago a relative asked for ideas for DD. I gave them two ideas to choose from. They messaged yesterday and have bought her something completely different that ‘they knew she’d really love’ - yes she would really love it, which is why I bought it 6 weeks ago. Told them and they said it would be nice for her to have two. It is not a thing you would want two of. I am so frustrated.

Very annoying. I basically can’t ask my mum to get my son anything he actually really wants, as she can’t be trusted to get it for him. Sometimes she just ignores completely, sometimes she buys a cheaper and rubbish version of what he’s asked for. We never ask for anything out of her budget and it’s purely on principle that she doesn’t think the item is worth that price.

It’s kind of easier when she ignores the request, to be honest. Otherwise we end up with an inferior version that breaks easily, works badly or just doesn’t work with his other toys (eg he collects a set brand vehicle and she picks one a totally different size and design so they don’t work together).

My Dad does this for Dd and it’s infuriating. He leaves his shopping to the last minute… I’m fully expecting a call this weekend asking me what he should get DD. Previous years he has been lucky and DD has randomly added a last minute present to her wish list so I say “oh can you get….” And then he doesn’t!!!! He gets her something random that is generally more suited to a boy!
Her last birthday she actually said “does grandad think I’m a boy?”
This year I will not give him any ideas… I literally don’t have any anyway and her list was given out weeks ago to family members who actually give 2 hoots!

You don't have to get it! Lists are things you would like, not demands that must be met. It’s a very good principle to establish early on to save the trauma of them asking for impossible items.

I think Grandad sounds great.

It's f***g annoying! SIL used to ask 'what shall we get your kids for Christmas ' then say no to any of our suggestions 🙄🤦 and give a reason why she was going to buy any of our suggestions.
And I could guarantee my Dad would ask me what to get my Mum a day or if I was really lucky, two days before her birthday which falls right after Christmas.

For me though nothing annoys me more than someone saying 'I want to get (insert someone) something really special) and expect me to come up with ideas. Please fuck off!!!!!