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AIBU?

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Original poster

Dog has me at my wits end.

119 replies

Badhuman · 15/12/2025 14:43

Our dog has been to vets, behavioural trainer and we have followed lots of other advice. She gets 2 big walks a day. Morning 2 miles and early evening 1.5 miles. She is a Cavapoo and 8 years old.

I’m at my wits end. She is a quite a nice dog but the destruction and attention seeking is killing me and I absolutely resent her now. I can’t have anyone in the house during the day without her barking forever. I can’t leave her without her barking forever. She has to be with me the whole time. We’ve tried anxiety medicine - no difference in behaviour. Behaviour has always been not great.

My kids adore her. What the hell do I do. WIBU to rehome her.

OP posts:
LynseyDenton · 15/12/2025 21:49

I don’t understand why people have dogs that cause them nothing but stress and upheaval. It’s not a baby. It’s a dog. It’s not compulsory to have it ruin your life or make it exceptionally difficult.

wavingfuriously · 15/12/2025 21:51

Itv ? Dog whisperer - contact them

CombatBarbie · 15/12/2025 21:57

ReyaDogvergent · 15/12/2025 21:14

This dog is not feeling emotionally safe. They are overwhelmed and these are all coping strategies - just like people fidget, scroll, clean excessively, exercise obsessively, comfort eat and binge watch old shows. Most people can't switch their mind off - neither can this dog - and it's not the OP's fault, they've likely followed lots of training advice and as they say, seen a behaviourist and vets to try and help. They are trying to do everything right but the information is often lacking crucial information.

The dog doesn't need more walks or more mental stimulation - this is feeding into the coping mechanisms. They need more understanding, compassion and for the OP to understand that the dog, while being 8 years old, is developmentally very young. They likely need some changes to the walk but not necessarily longer/more of it. Likely, less walks. They need to build a closer bond built on empathy, safety and curiosity. It can be done with a dog of any age but takes time. The dogs' social character plays into this too.

There's a lot to unpack, but comments of 'walk it more' and 'more mental stimulation' are feeding into these dogs who desperately need quiet and emotional safety, and causing well meaning loving guardians more problems.

Its a well known behaviour of the breed. We get loads at work.... They are "needy".

JuliaLilian · 15/12/2025 21:58

TreeDudette · 15/12/2025 16:17

The walking is not about the distance but about the time spent sniffing. The further you walk the fitter the dog but what tires them out is using their brain (or at least that was my behaviourists advice). Sniffing is really important, it's harder for them to walk on uneven surfaces than flat road and hence more brain used...

A set routine, a calm house, a quiet place the dog can go to get peace, someone home all the time, an adaptil plug in... All things that help a slightly neurotic dog find peace. I have a neurotic dog - a Bichon (after the thunder storms a few years back he got agraphobia that it took us almost a year of patience to sort out!)

Can you work around the dog and perhaps pop it in the car when you have guests so you don't have to listen to the barking (ours likes the car when it's not moving). Mine doesn't like being left at home much either so I pay a sitter, take him with me, leave him at my parents or pop him in the car where he'll wait for a few hours peacefully. He isn't keen on the car moving so we can't just drive him about without him getting a walk at the other end. We pay for an inhome sitter for a week during the summer so we can get a holiday without having to pander to him and she costs me as much as the damned holiday sometimes but she's known him for most of his life and he loves her. He loves other dogs but I am not sure how he'd share. We have never got a second dog for risk of just ending up with double the issues.

I guess what I am saying is I feel your pain. An anxious dog is tricky and you end up spending a lot of time, money and patience on trying to deal with it. An 8 year old Cavapoo would hopefully get rehomed if you gave him up but I couldn't take the risk with my little nutter. Ideally it sounds like he should be with someone with nothing to do all day but sit and keep the dog company (something mine has been campaigning for for years). At least I work from home so he is mostly not alone.

I like your suggestions about the sniffing which is a real mental workout for them. Maybe all day doggy day care would be good though - out of the house with constant stimulation might make it tired in the evening and no barking in the day. I know a few cockerpoos and they are also constantly barking and whining for attention.

Sunrisemouse · 15/12/2025 22:05

Check out the frida protocol, supposed to work wonders with separation anxiety.. Susan garrett has a podcast about it. Tjinknits episode 200.

Doodledangle · 15/12/2025 22:18

Tessasanderson · 15/12/2025 16:58

Lets face it, you are going to have to spend to put the situation right. Either that or pass it on to someone else to have the same issues.

Your dog hasnt had the training it needed. Full stop. No ifs and buts about it. Its been going on for 8 years. Your dog, in an experienced handlers hands would be a different dog.

You need to pay someone for 1-1 help in general and in your home. Its going to be expensive and time consuming but it will work. How much is you home life and sanity worth? £1k, £2k, £5k You need to pay for someone to help you train your dog.

I was going to same exactly the same.

I have a rescue poodle who came to us with extreme separation anxiety, would bark at pretty much anything and just didn’t ever settle. We put in a LOT of hard work - I didn’t actually spend huge amounts on trainers but did do my research and committed to it. I’d say the separation anxiety took about 6-9 months of very consistent daily work (look up Be Right Back dog training) and introduced lots of games and play plus incorporated ‘settle’ & ’place’ commands. He only gets about an hour walk most days but once or twice a week we do a long explore with plenty of sniffing and off lead and at home we have enrichment toys, sniffle mats and chews.

ours is an absolute joy now - still barks at the doorbell (keep saying one day I’ll tackle that!) but can be left for a couple of hours, settles in his bed or on the sofa and is just lovely. I don’t believe there is anything wrong with the dog but I do think if you can’t or won’t invest time and effort into training you should look to rehome.

Rainbowpumpkin · 15/12/2025 22:32

Dogs are only destructive when their needs arent being met.

Cavapoos are hardworking. Im a dog trainer and personally i wouldn't want one.

If you've had her from a pup - shes a product of what you did/didnt do.

Get a good force free trainer - do everything they say. You have to all commit to working with your dog. She needs training, exercise, games that will mentally challenge her.

You are not meeting her needs and until you do her behaviour will not / cannot change.

Fontet · 15/12/2025 22:32

Classical music for dogs...courtesy of Alexa of course and Trazadone x

DallazMajor · 16/12/2025 01:07

Have you tried arsenic ?

Christmasbear1 · 16/12/2025 01:11

Do not send to a dogs home. They will sue any excuse to put a dog down. You can't give away a dog you've had for 8 years!!

Phoenixfire1988 · 16/12/2025 08:27

I've never met a poodle cross that wasn't deranged in some way people should really research breeds before buying a dog . Have you tried a vibration collar for the barking ? Treat balls snuffle mats etc walks need to be longer aswell

Whaleandsnail6 · 16/12/2025 08:48

Boomer55 · 15/12/2025 16:25

Try to rehome. The dog seems more trouble than it’s worth.

Who is going to want an 8 year old destructive, anxious barky dog that medication or behavioural advice has not helped?

Op, she is your commitment and responsibility, don't just try and palm her off on someone or somewhere else

Get another behaviourist to work 1:1 for as long as it is needed.

Maryberrysbouffant · 16/12/2025 08:50

PInkyStarfish · 15/12/2025 15:22

I can’t stand these dogs. I have met so many that are exactly as you describe.

I would usually side with keeping the dog if it were another bred, one that might calm down and behave with the correct training but these are one of the worst mixed breeds and I’ve met people who have spent a small fortune on behaviourists and the dog is still bloody awful.

Will the breeder have her back?

I don’t think breeders have them back at 8 years old 😂

vanillalattes · 16/12/2025 09:00

Maryberrysbouffant · 16/12/2025 08:50

I don’t think breeders have them back at 8 years old 😂

Show quote history

Actually, decent breeders commit to having them back at any stage in their lives. We have a contract with ours to say that if we can no longer keep him then we’re to return him to the breeder.

Very unlikely to be the case with a cavapoo though!

PodMom · 16/12/2025 09:01

Maryberrysbouffant · 16/12/2025 08:50

I don’t think breeders have them back at 8 years old 😂

Show quote history

Depends on the breeder, my dog's breeder recently took a 14yo dog back and kept the dog for the rest of it's life.

Thundertoast · 16/12/2025 09:24

Definitely need more information about the walks before anything.
On/off lead? Tarmac, field, woodland?
What have you tried already, how long for, were there any blockers? (Kids, time, environment etc)

FiveShelties · 16/12/2025 09:29

Where and how are you going to remove and eight year old dog?

Have you had her for 8 years (or is this just another wind up)?

FiveShelties · 16/12/2025 09:49

rehome an

Apologies my phone has a mind of its own.

blobby10 · 16/12/2025 10:35

Those aren't what I describe as long walks tbh - are they on or off lead? My 3 years old Lab x isn't particularly tired after our Sunday morning 6.5 mile off lead walk and that's me walking very briskly indeed! She regularly gets 4-6 miles a day across 3 walks of which only the middle one is mostly on lead.

Also, have you experimented with feeding different food? Some brands have all sorts of additives in which may contribute to the hyper behaviour.

vanillalattes · 16/12/2025 10:44

I don’t think OP is coming back.

Dozycuntlaters · 16/12/2025 11:06

My friend has a cavapoochon so i'm guessing pretty similar and he is the most annoying dog in the world. Not his fault, she hasn't trained him and doesn't walk him which I think is bloody cruel.

I'm sorry but a walk of 2 miles and 1.5 miles is not a big walk, its a small walk. He is bored and understimulated hence his behaviour, poor thing. Apart from those two tiny walks per day what else are you doing with him, or do you just go about your day and expect him to potter about and amuse himself?

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 16/12/2025 11:15

Please don't rehome her. She's 8 with separation anxiety - what the hell do you think will happen to her?

Poor dog.

firstofallimadelight · 16/12/2025 11:21

She’s having a long gap between walks, what’s happening during the day? Have you tried a lick mat, snuffle mat or a kong? Some hide and seek in the garden ? It’s a long time with no mental stimulation

GAJLY · 16/12/2025 12:41

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 15/12/2025 15:26

Plug in and doggy calming music on YouTube on the TV when we went out helped us...

Agree with this 👆

BuildbyNumbere · 16/12/2025 13:02

You’ve allowed her to get like this over an 8 year period … she should have been trained when a puppy!! This is now the result of poor pet ownership … then get rid of her onto someone else, disgusting.
You need to sort this out, take her training and keep going and working with her at home. Is she crate trained?

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