to not understand why I'm so annoyed at this

[Kijhlhgdvjk]

We have lovely neighbours. Next door are a bit flash (make sure everyone sees their new extension, understands that the children go to private school, appreciates their posh new cars etc) but are decent, kind people.

We are here lowest earners in the five-house street. Although I know that's ok, it seems to embarrass me a bit and I really don't know why. I'm not at all a snob and don't judge people on their income.

Anyway, I had to buy a new car because my 12 year old car went kaput. I bought a better car, which is a bit newer, for a bargain price because it had been a category S write off. So, it cost about £1,500 rather than the £4000 that you'd expect.

DH told my next door neighbour all of this.

Why has this annoyed me?

I've told friends about the price because, like me, they like a bargain.

So, why am I so annoyed with DH for telling the neighbours? He is very money-orientated (tight arse), so this could be part of the issue.

We still wouldn't have seemed 'equal' financially, but that's ok. I just wish he didn't portray us both as stingy just because he is. Nobody else talks about how much they spend on things and I don't think the neighbours would give it a second thought if he hadn't told them how much money he didn't part with.

Whenever anyone on the group chat asks about recommendations, he provides himself on stating that he'd found the cheapest - plumber, window cleaner, taxi company etc. Always over-sharing about money.

I think all you can do is refuse to engage with him when he is being an extreme pinch penny.

How are finances split?

I don't think the neighbours would give it a second thought if he hadn't told them how much money he didn't part with.

They probably haven't given it a second thought anyway. I doubt they are that interested in your finances.

To those saying that I can't know what neighbours earn, everyone's pretty much in 'professions', so we roughly know. I don't know to "sit down and calculate" that a surgeon earns more than a firefighter.

The 'flash' neighbours invited everyone over to see their new extension. They're lovely people though and I'm pleased for them. Just don't need DH being so explicit about the earnings gap.

Honestly, nobody else will care about this. I couldn’t give a shit what the neighbours own and I certainly haven’t ranked all our incomes to know where we “sit”.

You sound embarrassed of your DH and insecure about your own finances, which is quite a sad situation to be in.

Yes, I am embarrassed of DH and wish that we earned more. I wish I'd not gone into my profession, certainly.

TBH, I'd be more worried about driving around in a Cat S write-off.

It's really good. Brand new engine.

That’s really sad. Does he know you feel that way about him? I’d be absolutely devastated if DH felt that way about me.

Honestly, the issue here isn’t your neighbours - it’s you and your insecurities and you’re the only one who can get help to address those.

He should be less of a tight arse then she won't be embarrassed of him.

It would piss me off if DH was discussing my financial details with anyone, doesn't matter if they earn a lot more or a lot less than me. That would cause big arguments, financial matters are private as far as I am concerned.
People can think what they want about my house, my holidays and my spendings, I don't care.

If you are not happy with your career, you can always retrain and do something else. There's no shame on going into any career just for the money, many people do.

I really have no problem with people knowing that I earn less than them. I do wish I earned more, but that's beside the point.

I'm just sick of DH portraying us as proud misers. I'm not a tight arse. I love a bargain, but I'm not tight with money. The neighbours are clearly not miserly, so I wish he wouldn't presume that they are too!

In think this is midlife crisis time too. We're the older family on the street. In our late forties when everyone else is thirties. This is probably linked to why I wish he didn't portray us as financially inept.

Why do you care so much about what the neighbours think? "We're the poorest on the street, we're the oldest on the street"! I guarantee they don't give either a moment's thought!

Bless you! I love a bargain and I am very happy to tell people when i get them. We recently moved to a very posh village which has a huge private school very near by, and has lots of very posh people. My DP feels a bit over awed with some of the wealth and didnt like it when in the pub some woman complimented me on my dress and I said 'thanks, i got it in the charity shop in town!'. Its not because he sees his worth in wealth, but more because he sometimes feels he doesn't fit in. I think that my money is as god as anyone elses and I am happy, and if anyone judges that I wouldnt want to be friends with them anyway! It's like that line in the poem Desiderata 'If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself' or (a little less high brow) the song sunscreen '
Don't waste your time on jealousy;
Sometimes you're ahead,
Sometimes You're behind.
The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.

How on earth do you know the personal finances of your neighbours to such a degree you can grade yourselves in order of wealth?! Yet you say you're not bothered about money.

How bizarre. It sounds like you're all obsessed with talking about your possessions and how much they cost?

Why not set up a spreadsheet and a league table to be displayed on a billboard in the village Square?

Have you read the thread? The only person who talks about money is DH.

Of course I know that a barrister, medics, a vet and the CEO of a firm of accountants earns more than me, a firefighter. This is now very outing, but hopefully they won't see it.

All of you are unreasonable, OP. Why on earth is everyone sharing details of their earnings, so that you know who is highest and lowest?
Discussing your personal finances is vulgar, OP, so you all need to stop doing it.

Why would this worry you? It just means it will have been in an accident and had structural damage that insurance didn't think was worth them paying to get fixed as the repairs would have cost them more than the car was worth. Someone else will have fixed it, and it'll be fine.

My teen has one, it's a brilliant little car!

It’s pretty awful to be embarrassed of your DH and how he talks about money. I’d rather be with a tight arse than a snob who’s embarrassed of everything they’ve managed to achieve. More money wouldn’t make you a better or more secure person OP

Exactly! Only one person is - DH!

Or maybe if she's so bothered by him being a "tight arse" she shouldn't be with him.

"Make sure everyone sees their new extension"

Erm...are they supposed to hide it? Cover it up in some way?

They invited us all around to see it inside