To not want to contribute to this madness? Christmas teacher gifting experiences

[lostintherhythagain]

DD is only 4! And not yet reception age

Her little nursery has about 15 in total who are her age.

Parents in the WhatsApp group have been discussing some people not paying up for experience day for teachers AND the staff take away

They want £15 each per family from us so the teacher and support staff can have a spa day. And then money for a take away (they’ll just give them cash in a card) for the end of Christmas school time, before they break up, to have a take away delivered as the staff don’t go home same time as the children obviously

AIBU not to contribute? I never said I’d do it. Not sure if there’s anyone else not contributing

One parent has got the teacher and her child’s TA a personalised bauble. With her DC’s face in it?!?! Utter madness

I have gifted a box of chocolates and didn’t plan to spend anymore.

Interestingly this is under £50 for most, definitely is for nurses as I have given a £49 gift card after researching this!

That’s not a law. It just has to be declared if above that value.

as long as you are not actually trying to blackmail someone, worry not 😂 they can always refuse or donate it via their company if they feel it puts them at risk

Ridiculous.

Okay, so my DC are in their 20s now, but teacher gifting was never a thing.

A hand written Christmas card with a thoughtful, message about what I had meant for that child would mean more than any gift (a spa day is ridiculous).

A personalise bauble with a random kids face on? 😂 That will be in the bin a minute later! That’s just weird.
YANBU.

It was the same when my DD was in primary school. In the end the teacher ended up with over £450!

I opted out in the end as it was getting to the point where you didn’t get a chance to sign the card but they’d still happily take the cash.

Teacher here. Personalised bauble would get in the bin! Cheapo box of chocs that I can stick in the staffroom, at the very max, given I don't eat chocolate. There's a decent proportion of Free school meals kids here, I absolutely don't expect or want anything.

Sorry I should have clarified, we are in a small village school, we know the teachers well in the first school (its a middle school system here) so we explained we were all putting £10 and what type of experience they wanted. This was Y1 and Y2. For nursery teacher we organised a plant pot with each of the children putting their finger print on, it remains in nursery to this day.
We are lucky to have a very close knit, family type school as its only a 1 year intake.

I think it’s interesting that some teachers have said that they used to get “lovely” handwritten cards and gifts but this pretty much stopped when their parents started buying presents instead.

seems likely that the children in question never had much desire to reward their teachers for Xmas and it was always parent driven anyway.

People being strong-armed into contributing to group gifts and then shamed if they don't is horrifying. Most years we don't get anything for the teachers, when I do remember it's a £10 voucher - especially this year as her class actually has two teachers. I've never bought the 'teacher' stuff and I read a long time ago that they get so many chocolates they give most of it away.

Unfortunately now I've read on this thread that a gift card seems to be a bit passe, so I guess you can't win no matter what you do.

That's something I would tend to do at the end of the year rather than at Christmas, especially since it's not even halfway through the year.

Yes, I totally agree with you! But there are vile people like this that walk amongst us.

It was. I received gifts (flowers, chocolates etc not spa days) in the mid 80s. This was in a deprived area of South London by the way.

LOL to the personalised bauble!!! Please tell me she is also like Amanda from Amandaland!!!

Who says they even want a spa day??! I agree £15 is a bit steep but really it depends what spare cash you have. Also quite presumptuous that they have time to fit in a spa day - do they have kids themselves??

One of the kids classes there was a parent who took over, would however only ask for £5 ish but turned up with a huge basket of gifts plus an Amazon voucher. Utter wonder woman when you looked at what she managed to get with our cash.

Otherwise where there wasn’t a collection going on, I used to gift a bottle of wine with one of the personalised ‘I’m sure I’m the reason you need a drink’ labels from Etsy on them from my kids. Ticks most boxes with teachers. For the non drinking teachers box of chocs and a homemade card done by said child.

I like my colleagues fine, but the thought of a spa day with them makes me cringe.

OP, you really should throw a spanner in the works by asking (a) whether anyone has checked whether the staff like spa days and (b) have they checked whether teachers are allowed to take home photos of the children?

We tended to do a give what you want collection, leave it to be anonymous and split it between a gift for the teacher/TA and a transfer into the school accounts to buy whatever is most useful for the class over the year. People gave anything from £1-2 up to £50. I’ve organised it several times and always made sure all the kids signed the cards regardless of who did/didn’t contribute as I assume the teacher doesn’t care who gave the money but might like a little Happy Christmas from all the kids. I disliked the ones where you had to pay a fixed amount and they only put names on the card if the parent contributed so would always politely opt out.

Exactly. I honestly think it was easier for a woman to have a fairly high-powered career (as mine did) and school age DC when I was at school 40 years ago. They sent a letter once a year with the calendar - parents' evenings and sports days etc - and the parents went, or didn't. Apart from the report at the end of the year, there was no other communication at all, unless something went wrong. These days, keeping up with school admin and all the daft activities and things seems to be a part-time job.

One parent has got the teacher and her child’s TA a personalised bauble. With her DC’s face in it?!?!

WTF?! That's creepy as fuck 😂

All the daft activities are an Ofsted box ticking exercise to show parental involvement. It's just as much of a pain for teachers believe me.

You are right. The Local Authority I worked for as a teacher has a very clear policy about this. Gifts had to be declared and we were asked to let parents know about the policy. The school where my children attend send a message out in parent newsletters informing of the policy and suggesting a home made card instead of a gift. There could be issues with the teacher accepting such a generous gift (that's assuming they would all want to go on a spa day together!!) I had some beautiful baubles as a teacher. Not with kids photos on the (safeguarding issues?!) but they remind me of the kids that bought them 20 years later!!

I do my own thing and say “We’ve already sorted their present off DC but thank you.” Generic book shop voucher for teacher who likes reading so she can choose her own book and a box of chocolate each for the two TAs. Nice handwritten card to each one of course. We only give what we can afford.

A policy isn’t a law though so it isn’t right.

Last year at the nativity a very well meaning mum was going up and down the queue with a collection bucket to get a nice gift for the SENCO lead who was leaving. Most people just said no, myself included. She wasn’t well liked for various reasons but not only that, it’s literally just before Christmas and people are skint.

I’ve never bought Christmas gifts for teachers before, only end of year ones and I always try to be thoughtful. DD had the same teacher in primary for two years running and my older DD had him the year before that so we knew him well. He loved Superman so DD chose a personalised superman lego figure with his name on it. He loved it so much it made him cry. I’d imagine he still has something like that.

DH is organising our class collection and we’ve had donations of £5-£50! Reassured
most people here saying around a tenner as that’s what we were intending- has been eye opening to run it and see the variety!

Tbf, if you are a close knit group of parents and know the teaching staff well as we do here, and you are going to spend £10 on chocs or biscuits or another mug they dont need, its better to contribute together to get something more meaningful. But this only works in certain situations.
In our group people can bow out without pressure or guilt, we are all friendly and understand. But again not always the case.
Like I say, as a teacher myself I always appreciate a thank you card over anything else.
Where I work now there is nothing, but the reason behind it only saddens me because of the amount of neglect present in our demographic....the parents not interested in their children, their education, not respecting the teachers. Its just sad.