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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Partner told me to be quiet

103 replies

CheeseSandwich1 · 14/12/2025 16:38

Driving home from the shops, where we’d been to (mostly) collect Christmas things for his business.

I’m sorting out hampers for a charity his business is supporting so on the way home I asked him he’d got the boxes for me to wrap and put together.

He responded by asking me for some ‘peace and quiet in the car’ so I haven’t spoken to him since apart from calling him a tw*t under my breath.

I am absolutely fuming! I’m helping him with something that’s nothing to do with me and he asked for peace and quiet!

OP posts:
Fuckoffeasypeelers · 14/12/2025 16:39

He can go fuck himself and do the hampers himself!

outerspacepotato · 14/12/2025 16:40

Let him do his own work shit then. Fuck him.

vanillalattes · 14/12/2025 16:42

On the face of it, he was rude, but I have to admit I sometimes wish people would stop talking at me when I'm trying to concentrate.

Sillysoggyspaniel · 14/12/2025 16:42

How was it phrased? "I'm really tired, I have a headache, please can we just have some peace and quiet for now?" or "just shut up, I need peace and quiet".

zipadeedodah · 14/12/2025 16:45

who was driving?

Original poster
CheeseSandwich1 · 14/12/2025 16:48

I was asking if he’d got the boxes as he said he was going to get them. I need to wrap them and have them ready by Thursday and I have 100 other things to do with Christmas and our daughter’s first birthday this week.

He said ‘can you just give me some peace of quiet’ and then put his music on and drove the rest of the way in silence.

I’ve noticed he’s ALWAYS snapping at me at the moment. I woke up with kids this morning, he slept for an extra 1hr or so, I had sex with him last night and this morning when baby was napping so he should be happy!

I washed and dried my hair mid morning and he was moaning it was taking to long said ‘oh you’re only half way through!’ yet I’m sure he wouldn’t have been impressed if I went out with greasy hair. Eugh. Men.

OP posts:
Hagnumber4 · 14/12/2025 16:48

I mean I guess it depends how he asks. In our house we are perfectly entitled to ask for quiet. It helps to regulate, reset and prepare us for the next task.. but then 50% of us in the household are diagnosed autistic. It's just advocating for our needs

Original poster
CheeseSandwich1 · 14/12/2025 16:50

Hagnumber4 · 14/12/2025 16:48

I mean I guess it depends how he asks. In our house we are perfectly entitled to ask for quiet. It helps to regulate, reset and prepare us for the next task.. but then 50% of us in the household are diagnosed autistic. It's just advocating for our needs

I completely understand this! I’m upset because it was when I was asking him questions about a task I’m doing to help him out.

I’ve already ran round this week sorted Christmas presents for employees, clients and the charity. On top of all the family stuff! I just thought he could have given me a bit of respect considering it’s my doing him the favour!

OP posts:
Unicorn34 · 14/12/2025 16:52

If it was said snarkily then I'd let him do his own boxes. If he asks why you've not done them, say you decided to have some peace and quiet. No sex either!!

vanillalattes · 14/12/2025 16:52

CheeseSandwich1 · 14/12/2025 16:50

I completely understand this! I’m upset because it was when I was asking him questions about a task I’m doing to help him out.

I’ve already ran round this week sorted Christmas presents for employees, clients and the charity. On top of all the family stuff! I just thought he could have given me a bit of respect considering it’s my doing him the favour!

Show quote history

Why are you rushing about doing all this shit?

Original poster
CheeseSandwich1 · 14/12/2025 16:53

Unicorn34 · 14/12/2025 16:52

If it was said snarkily then I'd let him do his own boxes. If he asks why you've not done them, say you decided to have some peace and quiet. No sex either!!

It was said snarkily and then the fact he turned music on, drove him in silence.

I’ve got the children in and we’re watching a Christmas film. He can bring in his own gifts for work!

OP posts:
Original poster
CheeseSandwich1 · 14/12/2025 16:54

vanillalattes · 14/12/2025 16:52

Why are you rushing about doing all this shit?

Show quote history

I really don’t mind helping him out it’s when I’m not appreciated that upsets me.

OP posts:
Duckyfondant · 14/12/2025 16:54

Don't be angry. He's made your week a lot easier by the sounds of things. One job off the list

InfoSecInTheCity · 14/12/2025 16:55

I get really overstimulated shopping in town, especially when it’s as busy as it is this time of year. By the time I get in the car I’m overheated, annoyed and just need a few minutes to cool off. If that’s all he was asking for, and if he asked in a nice tone then I don’t think he was unreasonable.

vanillalattes · 14/12/2025 16:56

CheeseSandwich1 · 14/12/2025 16:54

I really don’t mind helping him out it’s when I’m not appreciated that upsets me.

Show quote history

So just stop.

Original poster
CheeseSandwich1 · 14/12/2025 16:56

InfoSecInTheCity · 14/12/2025 16:55

I get really overstimulated shopping in town, especially when it’s as busy as it is this time of year. By the time I get in the car I’m overheated, annoyed and just need a few minutes to cool off. If that’s all he was asking for, and if he asked in a nice tone then I don’t think he was unreasonable.

So do I! But we were there to get things for his work, so the least I feel he could have done is be nice about it.

OP posts:
MissyB1 · 14/12/2025 16:59

Well now you won’t do the hampers (and you absolutely must not). So that’s a life lesson for him - don’t snap at people who are doing you a kindness.

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 14/12/2025 17:01

Well I'd see this as he's put you on hold. So I'd stop doing his stuff until he acknowledges you AND apologises.

Daisymay8 · 14/12/2025 17:02

Suspect he is stressing about something else - or about the Staff pressies (or whatever it is you are doing) - but I would be taking it to him and leaving him to get on with it.

BunnyLake · 14/12/2025 17:02

CheeseSandwich1 · 14/12/2025 16:53

It was said snarkily and then the fact he turned music on, drove him in silence.

I’ve got the children in and we’re watching a Christmas film. He can bring in his own gifts for work!

Show quote history

I would not be doing his boxes. He didn’t need to speak to you like a naughty child.

Evaka · 14/12/2025 17:04

CheeseSandwich1 · 14/12/2025 16:48

I was asking if he’d got the boxes as he said he was going to get them. I need to wrap them and have them ready by Thursday and I have 100 other things to do with Christmas and our daughter’s first birthday this week.

He said ‘can you just give me some peace of quiet’ and then put his music on and drove the rest of the way in silence.

I’ve noticed he’s ALWAYS snapping at me at the moment. I woke up with kids this morning, he slept for an extra 1hr or so, I had sex with him last night and this morning when baby was napping so he should be happy!

I washed and dried my hair mid morning and he was moaning it was taking to long said ‘oh you’re only half way through!’ yet I’m sure he wouldn’t have been impressed if I went out with greasy hair. Eugh. Men.

He sounds like a complete cunt. This isnt men. It's him. My partner would neither dream of nor dare to speak to me like that.

Original poster
CheeseSandwich1 · 14/12/2025 17:11

Daisymay8 · 14/12/2025 17:02

Suspect he is stressing about something else - or about the Staff pressies (or whatever it is you are doing) - but I would be taking it to him and leaving him to get on with it.

He is definitely stressed because it’s his last working week so he’s got a lot of deadlines, however, I still don’t think it’s fair to talk to me like a child! Especially as I’m doing him a favour.

OP posts:
Happyjoe · 14/12/2025 17:13

CheeseSandwich1 · 14/12/2025 17:11

He is definitely stressed because it’s his last working week so he’s got a lot of deadlines, however, I still don’t think it’s fair to talk to me like a child! Especially as I’m doing him a favour.

Show quote history

I don't care if he's stressed, no excuse. Even if he had snapped through stress, an apology should be made.
Sorry OP, leave him to his own chores. If he can't appreciate that you're being kind to help, then don't help!

Naala · 14/12/2025 17:13

He didn't tell you to 'be quiet' as per your title. He asked for some peace and quiet in the car. He's driving and needs to concentrate. The shops were probably busy and overwhelming. And it's reasonable to ask for what you need.

Happyjoe · 14/12/2025 17:13

Naala · 14/12/2025 17:13

He didn't tell you to 'be quiet' as per your title. He asked for some peace and quiet in the car. He's driving and needs to concentrate. The shops were probably busy and overwhelming. And it's reasonable to ask for what you need.

All depends in which manner it is asked.