AIBU - Partner told me to be quiet

[CheeseSandwich1]

Driving home from the shops, where we’d been to (mostly) collect Christmas things for his business.

I’m sorting out hampers for a charity his business is supporting so on the way home I asked him he’d got the boxes for me to wrap and put together.

He responded by asking me for some ‘peace and quiet in the car’ so I haven’t spoken to him since apart from calling him a tw*t under my breath.

I am absolutely fuming! I’m helping him with something that’s nothing to do with me and he asked for peace and quiet!

We’re not married, I’m a stay at home Mum, he earns a lot of money and a good wedge older!

I just needed to vent tonight. I would advise all women to not be a SAHM if you’re not married as it’s not worth the insecurity that comes with it,

Withdraw all favours (including sex) till he shows you some respect. Why are you doing everything Christmassy for his business?

sorry but the moods when you’re not up for sex is sexual coercion and abuse.

Let him wrap his own damn boxes.

Unfortunately, I think OP's priority in 2026 will have to be to get a job and see to her finances. This guy is an ungrateful sod who will leave her in the lurch when it suits him. Sorry OP, you have to put yourself and your DC first now, not do unpaid work for this bloke.

Make your future contributions to his sexual needs the throwing a loo roll his way and shutting the door...

All the excuses people are making for him. Since when did the shops being busy mean that family aren't allowed to speak in the car after. There is nothing to suggest that he can't concentrate on driving when being asked a simple 'yes / no' question. And if that was the case, he could have said 'hang on the roads are busy can we talk when we get home'...not something that was clearly said in a snappy tone, otherwise the OP was unlikely to have posted.

Sometimes people snap when they're stressed. But in a healthy relationship they'll recognise this and apologise later, not double down and have another go, "saying I shouldn’t be asking him questions about the hampers when he asked for help and I quote ‘a PA wouldn’t bother me with this’". So it was clearly nothing to do with the driving, and all about him being a grumpy arsehole who thinks trivial things like answering questions on something he is getting a load of help with, is beneath him.

And the being grumpy when he doesn't get some sort of intimacy every single day or even if the OP doesn't seem into it enough, is really fucking vile

The actual thread title should be ‘How to get out of a sexually coercive, horrible, financially unstable relationship with an old, abusive arsehole’.

Love, get back to work as quickly as you can, stop having unwanted sex, and please, plan to leave as soon as possible.

DP has never said that to me. I would not appreciate it if he did and I'd tell him so.

That makes sense as to why you’re desperately trying to please him all of the time.

Honestly OP, just because you are a SAHM doesn’t mean you don’t deserve equality.

I would really consider getting married (even just a registry office job) to protect you if you spilt.

I would then start doing less.

9-5 your job is parenting, housework, cooking, life admin etc but evenings and weekends it’s 50/50.

You are a SAHM, not a paid maid.

It’s fine to vent. In this instance I think you were BU over sensitive but the more you post, the clearer it is to see how unequal your relationship is.

He sounds dreadful OP.

Is this what you want for the rest of your life? He's speaking to you like a child. And as for the sulking if he doesn't get some form of sexual gratification every day, this is utterly diabolical behaviour.

I would stop helping him, and when he pipes up with comments about getting help with something, the answer would be "oh do be quiet darling".

This doesn't have to be your life, unless you want it.

Jeez he gets ALL of the benefits of your running around for his every whim, servicing him sexually EVERY day and raising his children. But he tells you to stfu and hasn’t even put a ring on it? If he sails off with a younger model you do realise you’ll be left high and dry? What are you doing? Just because he buys you off with a pat on the head and a new handbag on your birthday this is no way to live. And what a dreadful role model for your kids, especially if you have dds. 😔

He 100% is in a bad mood if I’m not intimate with him in some way every day. Last night I was told he didn’t feel ‘sexual energy from me’ and that I was just doing it for him (which was true, but not worth the drama of not being intimate).

Not just sexually coercive, but so much so he wants you to put on an act when you're having sex you don't want so he can get an ego boost every fucking day.

a PA wouldn’t bother me with this’

Girl, don't be laughing. That's what he thinks of you, that you're his personal assistant in your relationship. Your role is to be the gofer and sexbot. He thinks you're lesser than he is. Your relationship is extremely unequal and he's holding your strings and making you dance and sex him up like a chore. I think your relationship has such an extreme power imbalance that it's hitting emotionally and sexually and likely financially abusive.

You've got a relationship of unequals and he's not willing to change. You're not married so you're SOL unless you get some sort of career going because it sounds like you're a convenience rather than an important part of his life.

He 100% is in a bad mood if I’m not intimate with him in some way every day. Last night I was told he didn’t feel ‘sexual energy from me’ and that I was just doing it for him (which was true, but not worth the drama of not being intimate).
To be fair he does make a lot of effort for my Christmas and Birthday gifts/plans. Always get a nice bag/jewellery and nice meal/trips etc

Christmas Hampergate is the least of your current bother.

He sounds such hard work and a real dick head. The sulking and manipulation over sex, the moods, the expectation of you doing all his shit work for him. He sees you as below him, just there for his pleasure when HE wants it, to make his life easier and to keep your mouth shut while doing it. I bet he's one of those men who doesn't bother to satisfy you once he's cum, right?
You've got far bigger issues that some hampers (which I absolutely wouldn't be doing now) and you really need to think about the future and if this is what you want to live with. I couldn't personally.

You do know that coercive control re being intimate is illegal, right. It's an act of DA.

Fair enough I often want peace and quiet

He sounds horrible. Who cares if he buys you a handbag for your birthday. The lack of love and respect must be soul destroying.

You need to sort your finances out. Get back to work

Driving and needs to concentrate?🙄If he can't answer a basic yes/no question while driving, he shouldn't be on the road.

Quite.
DH buys me lovely gifts and trips for my birthday. He also doesn't treat me like shit. It should be both, not either/or.

Yes I read it. I was making light of the fact I wouldn't help someone who was rude to me. Sorry that was lost on you..

I will never understand why many women are super keen to run around after their entitled, misogynist husbands and partners. Men are perfectly capable of doing this stuff themselves, his dick wont drop off and hes shown he certainly doesnt respect you for doing it.

You're not married but you're a SAHM?! Please tell me you've got your own personal, very healthy savings? What would you do if he walked out? You need to start thinking about yourself, rather than him.

So you are unmarried in a sexually coercive relationship with an abusive man who is much older than you?

You need to chat to Women's aid because sexual coercion is a crime.

A crime!
Is this really what you want for yourself?