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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Partner told me to be quiet

103 replies

CheeseSandwich1 · 14/12/2025 16:38

Driving home from the shops, where we’d been to (mostly) collect Christmas things for his business.

I’m sorting out hampers for a charity his business is supporting so on the way home I asked him he’d got the boxes for me to wrap and put together.

He responded by asking me for some ‘peace and quiet in the car’ so I haven’t spoken to him since apart from calling him a tw*t under my breath.

I am absolutely fuming! I’m helping him with something that’s nothing to do with me and he asked for peace and quiet!

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 14/12/2025 18:33

You’re constantly shagging, and running around after him and doing everything for the family.

I’ll tell you what I wish someone had told SIL 20 years ago… There are no medals, if you lie down people will wipe their feet on you, martyrs gets crosses not celebrations.

Have sex you want when you want it and only if you get something out of it. Do things you want to do. Favours are requested nicely and thanks are given. And they are reciprocated or they don’t happen again.

Brendahollowayjustlookwhatyouhavedone · 14/12/2025 18:38

Just because he's got a penis
Doesn't mean he hasn't got hands.
He can do his own stuff..prick!!

Hankunamatata · 14/12/2025 18:41

So you talk to him now calmly and tell him you were upset and felt unappreciated in the car. See what he says

User00000043297 · 14/12/2025 18:48

Naala · 14/12/2025 17:13

He didn't tell you to 'be quiet' as per your title. He asked for some peace and quiet in the car. He's driving and needs to concentrate. The shops were probably busy and overwhelming. And it's reasonable to ask for what you need.

How old is he, 80? If shops are that overwhelming he can barely drive maybe it's safer if he doesn't

RightSheSaid · 14/12/2025 18:59

He didnt want peace and quiet. He wanted you to shut up. If he eanted quiet he wouldnt havev put the music on. I think its fair to say love im feeling a bit overwhelmed can we chat later. He could have been polite about it. I think if you are expecting anticipation for what you're doing and resent the lack of it then you stop doing things that are his responsibility. Let him wrap the gifts. If he says anything tell him you're giving plenty of peace and quiet to focus and wrap.

Purplecatshopaholic · 14/12/2025 19:05

Well this is easy. He does his own stuff from now on, and do not back down! Why martyr yourself when he is so ungrateful, and frankly rude!

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 14/12/2025 19:06

Tell him you need a bit of peace and quiet ... so you'll leaver the sorting of hampers for him to complete.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 14/12/2025 19:12

You are not really 'helping him out' if it's the family business ... which technically you own half of.
Just do the 'job lot' of christmas business gifts and leave him to the business end.

YorkshireGoldDrinker · 14/12/2025 19:18

He asked for a bit of peace and quiet and you called him slang for a woman's private parts under your breath and he's in the wrong?

I refuse to believe any of this is real.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 14/12/2025 19:20

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 14/12/2025 19:12

You are not really 'helping him out' if it's the family business ... which technically you own half of.
Just do the 'job lot' of christmas business gifts and leave him to the business end.

Just realised you are not married so it's not your business ... tell him you are too busy he will need to sort the est out himself ... in peace and quiet

YorkshireGoldDrinker · 14/12/2025 19:20

User00000043297 · 14/12/2025 18:48

How old is he, 80? If shops are that overwhelming he can barely drive maybe it's safer if he doesn't

Show quote history

How is this anything to do with age? The world is a very overwhelming place. Now you're calling his driving capability into question?

Dear Lord.

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 14/12/2025 19:22

When he asks you anything about the favours he is expected just put your finger to your lips and say ssshh.
Then take yourself out /to the bath/do something YOU need doing and leave him to it.
From now on.
He isn't your partner..
He sees you as staff.
Curiously what effort does he make for your birthday /Christmas?

Mix56 · 14/12/2025 19:24

Dont ask again re the boxes.

InfoSecInTheCity · 14/12/2025 19:32

User00000043297 · 14/12/2025 18:48

How old is he, 80? If shops are that overwhelming he can barely drive maybe it's safer if he doesn't

Show quote history

I’m 42, I find people incredibly annoying, stopping in the middle of aisles, dawdling and zig zagging taking up the whole pavement, having incredibly loud FaceTime conversations so you have to hear both sides of the inane shit they’re babbling about, or walking round with their music blasting on the phone like they think the world is their personal musical and they’re travelling with a soundtrack. I accept I have to tolerate them and not tell them what I think but honestly, yeah by the time I get back to the car I just want 2 minutes without someone else’s noise invading my head.

truffleruffle · 14/12/2025 19:33

Naala · 14/12/2025 17:34

Are you actually telling me that it isn't odd to write on the internet that you had sex with your DH (like it's some kind of thing you allow him to have), so he should be happy? Perfectly fine to have had sex yesterday and still be annoyed at someone taking ages to get ready to go out and overthinking unnecessary organisation of Christmas tat to the point you can't think straight.

Show quote history

you sound lovely, wonder how you would have reacted?

thepariscrimefiles · 14/12/2025 20:08

Naala · 14/12/2025 17:18

No, it doesn't. She didn't need to ask if he had the boxes or whatever. They were going home and he needed to focus on driving. They could discuss the nonsense of the hampers at another time if they're indeed really necessary.

It sounds like she thinks everything she contributes to makes her a saint, when people probably wouldn't miss half of it and she's doing it to go on about how busy and put out and unappreciated she is. Just carried on reading the thread and got to the particular gem about her having sex with him, so he should be happy!

Show quote history

JFC that's an uncalled for assassination of OP's character. She is doing her husband a favour so asked him a simple yes or no question about it and he was unnecessarily rude to her (as you have also been).

I presume that she mentioned having sex with him as she needs to do this to stop him being in a bad mood and sulking but it obviously hasn't worked.

Naala · 14/12/2025 20:22

thepariscrimefiles · 14/12/2025 20:08

JFC that's an uncalled for assassination of OP's character. She is doing her husband a favour so asked him a simple yes or no question about it and he was unnecessarily rude to her (as you have also been).

I presume that she mentioned having sex with him as she needs to do this to stop him being in a bad mood and sulking but it obviously hasn't worked.

Show quote history

Well, perhaps it's not the treat she imagines.

Original poster
CheeseSandwich1 · 14/12/2025 20:49

He 100% is in a bad mood if I’m not intimate with him in some way every day. Last night I was told he didn’t feel ‘sexual energy from me’ and that I was just doing it for him (which was true, but not worth the drama of not being intimate).

To be fair he does make a lot of effort for my Christmas and Birthday gifts/plans. Always get a nice bag/jewellery and nice meal/trips etc

I’m leaving him to do anything that directly involves him I.E. presents for work etc. We’re not married so it’s nothing to do with me financially etc.

He’s now having a go saying I shouldn’t be asking him questions about the hampers when he asked for help and I quote ‘a PA wouldn’t bother me with this’ HA HA HA

OP posts:
TheSmallAssassin · 14/12/2025 21:00

I think it's horrible that you have to so something intimate every day and pretend you want to even if you don't. Just makes me shudder!

Talltreesbythelake · 14/12/2025 21:06

CheeseSandwich1 · 14/12/2025 20:49

He 100% is in a bad mood if I’m not intimate with him in some way every day. Last night I was told he didn’t feel ‘sexual energy from me’ and that I was just doing it for him (which was true, but not worth the drama of not being intimate).

To be fair he does make a lot of effort for my Christmas and Birthday gifts/plans. Always get a nice bag/jewellery and nice meal/trips etc

I’m leaving him to do anything that directly involves him I.E. presents for work etc. We’re not married so it’s nothing to do with me financially etc.

He’s now having a go saying I shouldn’t be asking him questions about the hampers when he asked for help and I quote ‘a PA wouldn’t bother me with this’ HA HA HA

So there is your answer. You are not even as good as a PA to him. How does that sit with you?

RightSheSaid · 14/12/2025 21:06

CheeseSandwich1 · 14/12/2025 20:49

He 100% is in a bad mood if I’m not intimate with him in some way every day. Last night I was told he didn’t feel ‘sexual energy from me’ and that I was just doing it for him (which was true, but not worth the drama of not being intimate).

To be fair he does make a lot of effort for my Christmas and Birthday gifts/plans. Always get a nice bag/jewellery and nice meal/trips etc

I’m leaving him to do anything that directly involves him I.E. presents for work etc. We’re not married so it’s nothing to do with me financially etc.

He’s now having a go saying I shouldn’t be asking him questions about the hampers when he asked for help and I quote ‘a PA wouldn’t bother me with this’ HA HA HA

Yeah, a PA would be getting paid and would be treated with more respect than you.

RightSheSaid · 14/12/2025 21:07

@CheeseSandwich1 you shouldn't be having sex you don't want to pacify a man.

Harold99 · 14/12/2025 21:08

What were you taking him leading up to that point though?

BunfightBetty · 14/12/2025 21:09

CheeseSandwich1 · 14/12/2025 20:49

He 100% is in a bad mood if I’m not intimate with him in some way every day. Last night I was told he didn’t feel ‘sexual energy from me’ and that I was just doing it for him (which was true, but not worth the drama of not being intimate).

To be fair he does make a lot of effort for my Christmas and Birthday gifts/plans. Always get a nice bag/jewellery and nice meal/trips etc

I’m leaving him to do anything that directly involves him I.E. presents for work etc. We’re not married so it’s nothing to do with me financially etc.

He’s now having a go saying I shouldn’t be asking him questions about the hampers when he asked for help and I quote ‘a PA wouldn’t bother me with this’ HA HA HA

A PA would get paid and wouldn't have to shag him.

Eyeshadow · 14/12/2025 21:20

There is no equality or respect in this marriage.

Stop doing so many things to please him.

Does he massively out earn you or something?
Why are you so desperate to keep him happy when he has no respect for you in return?