15 yr old babysitting her 12 yr old sisters

[Bayou2000]

My 15 yr old is very responsible. Over the summer I paid her to watch her twin sisters (12, who are also responsible) for up to 3 hrs at a time. For longer periods and overnights my mother looks after them if I am at work or they go to my mother’s house.
My former partner (who left to stay at an address unknown for 6 months) has made an accusation of neglect.
I have self referred myself to social work and have spoken with their school who have no concerns but will engage with social work.
My 15 yr old also babysits our neighbours children from time to time.
I feel like I have lost perspective. Was I unreasonable doing this?

I think that's absolutely fine!

I doubt SS will have an issue with it (but I'm not an expert).

Just be wholly cooperative. I can’t see they would have an issue. But if they make any recommendations like perhaps not til she’s 16 then just go with it.

how does ex know? Have the kids told him?

I would think this pretty run of the mill, and has been for generations. Not all eldest children would get paid for it either.

12 year olds hardly need babysitting. Many are on their own in the afternoon/evening after taking themselves home from secondary school, before their parent/s return from work.

Social services will think you’re barmy for reporting yourself and shut the case, you have nothing to worry about OP! Just be glad your twat of a partner is an ex.

Definitely fine, my 15 year old babysits her 8 year old sister for similar periods. Grandparents are close by. I doubt social workers will say anything.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with what you've done.
I wouldn’t have referred myself to social services over this. I was babysitting neighbours kids when I was 13 so nearly the age of your youngest.
They wouldn’t even be concerned about you leaving the 12 year olds alone without supervision (as long as not overnight)

The NSPCC appears to have no problem with this as long as the DC are fine with it and don’t have special needs. I hope you can relax, OP

I think she’s probably more thinking she wants to show cooperation as ex has made this allegation of neglect and perhaps gain their reassurance that she’s not done anything wrong.

the problem is her ex. What a bellend!

i can’t see how this would warrant social service’s interest at all. A 15 year old can babysit someone and 12 year olds are generally capable of staying on their own for a couple of hours anyway so the fact there was another older child there would be a bonus. I wouldn’t give it any more thought.

Forget it. He’s a twat .

I personally don’t ask my kids to ever babysit each other. But I know that’s more of a personal belief . I was always made to babysit my brothers when I was a kid.,so my parents could go out clubbing. But for a few hours and as long as it’s not often and your DD doesn’t mine . I can’t see there being an issue. But maybe wait until the twins are old enough to watch them selfs and not put the responsibility on your older DD .

"My former partner (who left to stay at an address unknown for 6 months) has made an accusation of neglect"

And on the basis of his sterling parenting, you

I have self referred myself to social work and have spoken with their school who have no concerns but will engage with social work.

What do you feel you've done wrong that would require social work intervention @Bayou2000?

For a couple of hours, do 12 yr olds even need babysitting?

I don't think you are unreasonable at all in leaving a 15 yr old and 2 x 12 year olds home alone for a few hours. But I wouldn't have paid my 15 yr old. I'd just tell them they were all staying home alone together for a few hours while I went out.

Most 12 year olds are getting themselves to and from school either walking or on buses or trains, probably going to the local town/shop/park with their friends. Unless there are some extra needs not mentioned in the OP, I would not get a babysitter for a few hours for 12 year olds.

I think your ex is being ridiculous and social services will have no interest whatsoever.

As a social worker I’d not be doing anything with that referral, in the absence of any other risk factors it sounds fine. My 14 year old and 13 year old stay home together regularly - they’re both more than able.

The thing to keep in mind is that your 15 year can’t legally be responsible for what happens with the 12 year olds so as the parent you retain responsibility should anything untoward happen. Assuming they know how to get help in an emergency, have safe access to food etc I’d not worry too much.

You’ve massively over reacted by referring yourself to SS but I can see why you’re so upset.

Your ex sounds like a total tosser, if he was really concerned about the children he’d have offered to help out. So the “report” he’s made is malicious with the aim of hurting you. Always think about why someone’s behaving like they are - at “address unknown” I assume he has had limited to no parenting input over the past months?

At 12 ish my eldest child was coming home from school and walking the dogs until we got home from work (around an hour or so after he got home).
Your ex is a massive twat.

I agree that at 12, a lot of children could be left home alone for a couple of hours. It's about risk and contingency ie are they safe to use a kettle or say air fryer but maybe avoid the oven. Or leave snack made so they dont try to make anything.
Make sure phone is charged, what do they do if someone knocks the door.
Could they pop to neighbour if worried. All these little things..

Then with a 15 year old about you'd hope they'd have even more common sense to know how to deal with any unforeseen things that crop up.

The ex is being a knob.

Of course you're not unreasonable. At that age, me and my brother were home alone for a good three hours after school each day. And on most Friday nights while my parents were in the pub.

I didn't even consider that I was baby sitting him, he was 12, he didn't need babysitting, just couldn't be home alone at that age.

You obviously did nothing wrong. 12 year olds could be left home alone even without the 15 year old there. Your ex is an idiot, if social services even bother to investigate this obvious non issue then they are idiots too, hopefully they aren't!

Agree with the posters who say it's not babysitting, surely it's just your three children aged 12 and 15 at home for a couple of hours? If your twin were much younger then the 15 year od would be looking after them but that would also be fine.

I was babysitting toddlers at 12. I would have no problem leaving a 12 year old on their own for a few hours (depends on the kid, assuming they aren’t anxious). So with a 15 year old? He’s out of his mind to think this is neglect.

Of course you weren’t being bloody unreasonable. Tell former partner to piss off.

Happens all the time in my house. In fact my 12 year old is just responsible for herself rather than 15 yo babysitting. Only thing I ask is if I’m working late past about 10pm that dd15 is in more for company. Dd12 absolutely fine alone in the day. 15 yo has regular babysitting jobs and has done since 13/14. Your ex is ridiculous.

You self referred to social work because you left 3 children over the age of 12 at home alone for short periods? Yes, you've over reacted. How did you let him get so far in your head that you thought this was normal? Please stop talking to him if you can, if they are his kids then talk only about child contact and urgent matters.

My 12yo would need only minimal supervision so I wouldn’t even call it babysitting - she’s perfectly happy and capable of letting herself in, making food, and entertaining herself for a few hours (and enjoys the freedom once in a while!)