15 yr old babysitting her 12 yr old sisters

[Bayou2000]

My 15 yr old is very responsible. Over the summer I paid her to watch her twin sisters (12, who are also responsible) for up to 3 hrs at a time. For longer periods and overnights my mother looks after them if I am at work or they go to my mother’s house.
My former partner (who left to stay at an address unknown for 6 months) has made an accusation of neglect.
I have self referred myself to social work and have spoken with their school who have no concerns but will engage with social work.
My 15 yr old also babysits our neighbours children from time to time.
I feel like I have lost perspective. Was I unreasonable doing this?

At 12 most teenagers would be fine in the house by themsleves for a few hours. Unless there is a drip feed about why your children would find this more difficult or not be safe then it’s a none issue.

Your 15 Ur old is old enough to babysit them. And, they are 12 so all fine

My mum was a teacher and on in-service days I remember my brother who was 16 would look after us all day! We all survived!

In fact I'm sure even at 12 I was allowed to stay at home by myself for a few hours.

Honestly social services wouldn't even be interested in this. I can't see how any of this is an issue.

Social services would not even be concerned about 12 year olds being alone for up to 3 hours during the day unless they have disabilities. Many 12 year olds are left alone for a few hours after school, there aren't any formal childcare options for that age.

the thing is @theunbreakablecleopatrajones

@Bayou2000 referred herself to social services because the father accused HER of neglect 🙊🙈!!!

He has zero right to frighten @Bayou2000 into a course of action that was absolutely unwarranted.

This is completely fine! My DSD used to babysit my dds when she was 15, they were 5 and 2 at the time. I used to babysit my younger sister when I was 12! Your ex is an arse.

I saw the GP as there have been other instances of what I perceive to be coercive control. Part of the reason he has accused me of neglect is that he doesn’t and didn’t like me leaving the house however we have separated so it’s none of his business notwithstanding he was semi AWOL for 7 months.
I feel I have no perspective on what is normal anymore.

I let my 12 year old stay home all for a few hours. As do most of the kids his age that we know.
No need to stress.

I should add when he accused me of neglect he also said he had returned from AWOL land to “rescue” the children. Despite my lack of perspective this bit did make me laugh.

You need to speak to Women's Aid, OP.

Why on earth are you paying your 15 year old to "babysit" her 12 year old siblings? I was babysitting myself at not much older than the youngest. Are they very immature 12 year olds? Otherwise, the sister must be loving getting paid for nothing!

Aka he is a coercive controller who suddenly twigged that instead of sitting home all day pining his absence you are functioning and getting on with life, so he decided to "show you who's boss".
The only part that is unreasonable is how seriously you take him and that's happening because of the history. Freedom program/womens aid may be able to help.

The GP suggested this. I have a call tomorrow.

12 year olds with no additional needs are fine to be left alone for a few hours with no babysitter. A 15 year old should be perfectly capable of cooking basic meals independently.

The lack of independence given to young people is shocking.

I agree that independence allows the skill of being able to make a risk assessment as a young adult to develop. All three of my children are capable cooks. I have until now preferred to be handy in case of a fire but it’s perhaps time to review this.

Many years ago we left our then 6 month old to go out with a recommended 14 year old & my then 6 year old.

Baby needless to say spread his stomach contents around the room.

6 year old got everything while the babysitter cleaned up the mess.

By the time we got back order was restored

The saga is a bit more complex than that but...........

I used to babysit next doors kids at about 14/15 but I suppose they were heading towards 10 & my mother was next door if it went pear shaped

I was babysitting from 14 too. My ex partner is a an ex cop and totally rules driven. I wanted to stay transparent and ahead of things by referring myself. The school were supportive as there is a self referral process and even if not neglect offers advice.

Well, on the face of it you do not sound neglectful, but I am curious what the ex would have to say about it.

Your ex inflicts trauma on you from afar, still...I'm sorry you have to deal with that scumbag. As others are saying you've done nothing wrong.

Needless to say, your ex is a twat. From your updates, the only thing you've done which could be considered remotely wrong is asking the 15 year old to forego a paid shift to "babysit" a pair of secondary school age children in the afternoon! They're old enough to be doing actual babysitting themselves.

yes this. You danced to his tune, because you have clearly had years of abuse and that is your default setting. You can;t see the wood for the trees.

I actually think it was probably not an over reaction to self refer- now SS have a clear idea that any communications that come from him to them are probably malicious.

I hear the Freedom programme is very good. I am so sorry you have had to deal with this.

What a wanker your EX is. Men like that make me sick. So he disappeared and then accuses you of neglect, the pure cheek of him. I wouldn’t even entertain his stupid allegations. You did absolutely nothing wrong.

When i was 15 i was paid to 'babysit' the pre-teen daughter of a neighbour who was a single parent. Her daughter was sensible and we just used to do homework together. It was fine, her daughter probably would have been fine on her own, but she preferred having a companion.

I think as long as the dynamics between the girls is friendly and co-operative, and the girls are content with being left like this, it sounds absolutely fine.

Some 12yo can be a nightmare and potentially put a 15yo im a difficult position, or leave them to deal with something they do not have the authority or tools to cope with, but that doesn't sound like the case here.

I didn't read all the responses, but a few generations ago, kids/ Teens started work training schemes at 15!
This is perfectlyokay and obviously some will be more responsible than others , but to keep an eye on 12 year olds of course it would be ok!

Considering many secondary aged children will spend a few hours home alone and you provided extra supervision in terms of an older sibling I think you are fine. From reading your responses it seems like you have discussed things like emergencies with your children and what they should do. One thing to consider would be a bit of first aid knowledge, just in case, and hopefully you have a basic first aid kit that is easily accessible.

What does strike me from your responses is what a nasty piece of work your ex is and the controlling behaviour which is he still trying to execute is very damaging, including to your children. I think referring yourself is very sensible, not least as you can explain the worrying behaviour from your ex and how it may harm your children.

I hope things settle down for you.