15 yr old babysitting her 12 yr old sisters

[Bayou2000]

My 15 yr old is very responsible. Over the summer I paid her to watch her twin sisters (12, who are also responsible) for up to 3 hrs at a time. For longer periods and overnights my mother looks after them if I am at work or they go to my mother’s house.
My former partner (who left to stay at an address unknown for 6 months) has made an accusation of neglect.
I have self referred myself to social work and have spoken with their school who have no concerns but will engage with social work.
My 15 yr old also babysits our neighbours children from time to time.
I feel like I have lost perspective. Was I unreasonable doing this?

12 year olds do not need a babysitter unless they have special needs. Overnight yes. But while you’re at work no. My 11 year old stays home alone while I’m at work. There are no ‘holiday clubs’ no after school clubs for her age now she’s in secondary school and me and her dad work. What else are we meant to do? Quit work? Ridiculous. You didn’t need to refer to social services. This is a malicious report

I’m guessing there is more to this than been mentioned as it doesn’t really make much sense otherwise like perhaps the children have Sen

No, the kids aren’t SEN.
Hence why they were/are perfectly capable in my mind of being left. I was just looking for a sanity check, as the situation is against the backdrop of other controlling behaviours on my ex’s part. When you live like this for 20 plus years it’s very hard to identify what is normal/acceptable.

Do you mean I made a malicious report? There is a self referral process.

No you said your ex had made an accusation of neglect. I assumed you meant he had reported you for neglect.

I'm sorry your ex has scared you into thinking you did something wrong. Its hard but try to grey rock him in future.
12 year olds don't even need babysitting so I wouldn't make your 15 year old miss out on paid shifts any more, just let them be home by themselves.

Not rules driven. Rigid and control driven.

The difference is important and you need to fix that in your mind - that will help you stop taking his nonsense so seriously. He isn't keeping rules (and by implication you aren't keeping rules and from there comes self doubt).

There is a "rule" that you don't abandon kids for months, so he can't be rules driven. Just a garden variety coercive controller. Grey rock him, with help from professionals.

I think perhaps it’s a good thing this is something your school and GP and now SS are aware of @Bayou2000

ex Does sound like a malicious controller - I didn’t read all your posts to know if the relationship was abusive but if it was and you’ve left him it’s always a good thing to have it recorded with various agencies and authorities so that when he tries it on like he has done here you’ve got those professionals to help you.

if he wast abusive then fair enough - but I still understand why you wanted to get it checked. But he’s deffo wrong and deffo being malicious

He was abusive for more than 20 yrs. My GP was already aware.
There was I am now coming to understand was quite extreme financial coercive control (some of which only came to light during the period he went AWOL.)
I understand the comments about being OTT to self refer, I felt this myself to begin with. It was only when the GP went through the history and recommended Women’s Aid that understood this was a problem but two decades I have been left questioning everything I do.

I was looking after my newborn sibling at 14/15 including making bottles/winding/bathing/nappy changing and then weaning (and really enjoyed it - might not be a universal experience) You are absolutely fine.

It’s completely understandable. Ignore the people saying you over-reacted. You needed clarity cos of your history.

if and when they contact you just explain the whole situation and they’ll understand. They aren’t going to berate you for checking.

do you have any key workers maybe someone from the local MASH team or something that you can speak to whenever your not sure of something or he’s making life difficult?

A 12 year old can stay on their own at home so they wouldn’t even need a baby sitter.
Ehen my dds were 11 and 12 they came home from school on their own by bus and were alone for a few hours until I got home from work.