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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be told to put in £20 to cover presents for team leads

113 replies

Hettiejane · 13/12/2025 21:18

So I work in a large team, I've been emailed along with the rest of my team by one of my colleagues to put in £20 each to cover a gift for our 2 seniors, their manager and and the reception staff.
We've had our office night out with no money paid towards it and no gifts from senior management. The seniors and their manager are on significant more money than the rest of us and tbh I've had some issues with one of the receptionists being quite rude to me.
AIBU to think its a bit much to ask for? There's about 15 or so in the team.

OP posts:

Cat1504 · 14/12/2025 23:50

Fuck that….our managers buy us all a little gift each….the senior managers bring us biscuits, sweets, tea and coffee to last a couple of months…..we buy the cleaner a present

bridgetreilly · 15/12/2025 01:23

No, no, nope. Seniors get presents for juniors, not the other way round. It’s great if they’ve been supportive, but that is literally their job.

WallaceinAnderland · 15/12/2025 02:07

This is the easiest 'No thank you' ever.

Those that want to contribute can those that don't want don't have to. If you need to excuse yourself just say that with the cost of living the way it is everyone has to make sacrifices now and again.

I would go further and do a blanket ban on all gifting in work. It's just not necessary.

lxn889121 · 15/12/2025 06:24

nah.. big pass from me. Christmas gifts go down the chain not up.

Lobelia123 · 15/12/2025 07:44

I would decline and use the excuse I use with great success with cold callers, scammers and chuggers - I can;t afford it / I dont have the money / I cant give what I dont have etc etc - and if its met by disbelief or disapproval, just ask them straight out, are you honestly asking me to take food out of my childrens mouths to buy an unecessary gift for someone who earns three times what I do?

gannett · 15/12/2025 08:00

Hettiejane · 13/12/2025 21:54

Would you just not pay and avoid the whole thing?
Its difficult as certain staff feel its their responsibility to organize the collection

That's their problem, not yours.

Gifts only flow downward at work, this is a basic cornerstone of all functional workplaces. It's not ambiguous, it's not controversial, it's not up for debate. If they feel like breaking that rule and brown-nosing the boss, that's all on them.

Depending on my frame of mind when I got the email, I would either reply to inform them that gifts should only flow downward and this is an inappropriate ask; or I would ignore it completely and delete it.

If they pushed back on the former I would then start to ignore them (do not enter into a back-and-forth). If they followed up on the latter and continued to ask for my money, I would then move to the other response and tell them it's inappropriate.

Ridiculous people. Do not give them your money and engage as little as possible.

I agree with you that a collection for the cleaning staff would be much more appropriate but if you make that argument in the above exchange you may get bogged down in nonsense - if you want, buy the cleaners something nice off your own bat.

HelplessSoul · 15/12/2025 09:18

I'd still tell the crazy organiser to fuck right off though!

LifeMovesOn · 15/12/2025 14:13

I’ve been working a long time and the unwritten rule has always been you gift down - ie you buy staff under you a gift as a thanks.

And admin/reception staff too.

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 15/12/2025 14:15

I'm a people manager and I'd hate this. I'd want my team keeping their money for themselves and their families and not worrying about getting me a gift.

LowkeyLoco · 15/12/2025 15:10

I remember in one organisation we were actively going through a redundancy process, and those who chose not to accept voluntary redundancy were told they may face compulsory, so a very difficult time for all.

One senior manager had a big birthday (40th) and a couple of the other managers in their infinite wisdom decided to arrange a collection for her, and arranged a mini birthday party with cake and decorations etc. which was bad enough (this was not something that had ever happened in the team before!)

The collection was kept in the same office I was in, and when one of the managers was signing the card and went to put some money in the collection she noted how light the envelope was and said people were being tight. It was disgusting behaviour bearing in mind any of us could have been made redundant at any point.

We were then expected to gather and sing happy birthday. I started job hunting not long after that.

Please speak up for your colleagues OP.

Justbecauseyoucandoesntmeanyoushould · 15/12/2025 15:13

When I was the manager, I bought gifts for my staff, not the other way round!

GreenGiant167 · 15/12/2025 15:21

Just say no. It’s not as though they can deduct it from your pay. If management want the reception staff to have a gift then they can pay for it themselves.

Chinsupmeloves · 15/12/2025 17:40

In one extra job I have there are requests for gifts contribution money frequently for people I've never met! It gets a bit much so I avoid unless a close colleague.

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