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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be told to put in £20 to cover presents for team leads

113 replies

Hettiejane · 13/12/2025 21:18

So I work in a large team, I've been emailed along with the rest of my team by one of my colleagues to put in £20 each to cover a gift for our 2 seniors, their manager and and the reception staff.
We've had our office night out with no money paid towards it and no gifts from senior management. The seniors and their manager are on significant more money than the rest of us and tbh I've had some issues with one of the receptionists being quite rude to me.
AIBU to think its a bit much to ask for? There's about 15 or so in the team.

OP posts:
Try2makeadifference · 14/12/2025 18:26

Tell them Martin say noooooo!
“Martin Lewis strongly advocates for banning unnecessary Christmas presents, especially for extended family and friends, to reduce debt, stress, and wasteful spending, suggesting the best gift is lifting the obligation.”

HelplessSoul · 14/12/2025 18:32

Pedallleur · 14/12/2025 18:13

I think I'd leave the F word out but absolutely the rest and ask if they would like it in an email as well! Do it in full view of everyone so you are not singled out. Wish I was there to do it for you

Show quote history

Sometimes a little bit of invective is needed.

And this CF scenario definitely warrants it! A LOT!

PomPomSugar · 14/12/2025 18:51

It was always a rule in my office to not ‘gift up’

CaramelChips · 14/12/2025 18:55

I don't pay for anything work related at all. It's my pay, I earn it and decide how I spend it. No company can demand you give them your take home pay. Especially not to buy things for staff who earn more than you do.

ElfieOnTheShelfie · 14/12/2025 18:59

Id wait until chased and keep prevaricating. If pushed say “I’m grateful for our managers’ support, but it is literally their job to support and manage us. I will of course sign or send Christmas cards, but I think the gift-giving is a bit over the top.”

Newyearawaits · 14/12/2025 18:59

Brefugee · 13/12/2025 21:28

say no. Or ignore.

Or make a counter proposal for a fiver each for the cleaning staff?

This
Be 100pc comfortable in saying no to suggestion of 20 pounds for team leaders, totally ludicrous

dynamiccactus · 14/12/2025 19:02

Hettiejane · 13/12/2025 21:35

Glad everyone is in agreement thought I was going mad!
Now dont know how to handle it in the office, one staff member seems to take responsibility for these things and will chase us up for money and write down people's names who have paid on the envelope, its ridiculous

Just ignore the reminders. Nobody cares. We recently did a collection at work for someone going on maternity leave which I was charged with organising and I was surprised how few people did contribute. They'll try to make out you are the only one not contributing but it won't be true by a long way.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 14/12/2025 19:15

Nah ... putting in for cleaning staff, folk on minimum wage is far better

RollOnSunshine · 14/12/2025 19:35

Not a chance in hell I would donate.
I go to work to earn money not spend it!

Starocean · 14/12/2025 19:40

A gift should be given, not extracted.

ForPlumReader · 14/12/2025 19:44

The only person I contribute to a gift for is the cleaner. I don't particularly like it when our senior staff buy us gifts, but there's no way staff should be buying gifts for people senior to them.

PigeonsandSquirrels · 14/12/2025 19:53

Email back and say that gifting up isn’t the commonly done thing anymore…

ILoveMyCaravan · 14/12/2025 19:58

Hettiejane · 13/12/2025 21:45

I can paraphrase it,
Basically one member said the managers have been working hard to support us this year and we should show our thanks, they have said to cover all the people we need to put in £20 each.
Last year I can't remember what we did, likely everyone gave into separate collections for reception and the managers, dont think we collected for the senior management though

Show quote history

Working hard?? Because that’s what they are PAID to do!! Just as you and everyone else is on the team.

I wouldn’t ignore it as it sounds like you will be pestered for the money.

I’d reply and say it’s a deeply inappropriate thing to do. One, because of the cost of living crisis and two, no one is allowed to accept gifts of more than £10 as it’s against policy. I’d even cc HR in to it.

ColinOfficeTrolley · 14/12/2025 20:02

No WAY would I do this.

Senior managers are usually twats too 🤣

I wouldn't give a penny to a collection for our senior manager. She's on more than double my salary for starters.

Ladygodalmighty · 14/12/2025 21:29

Hettiejane · 13/12/2025 21:28

Totally agree!
It seems like there is a collection every other week at the moment,
Id much rather give my money to our domestic staff

Show quote history

I bet your colleages will love that 🤩

MagicStarrz · 14/12/2025 21:31

It's inappropriate to dictate how much others contribute to a gift. It's okay to ask if everyone agrees to put in a set amount or ask for contributions and anyone who wants to put in can but not demand £20.

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 14/12/2025 21:35

No way Jose

Redburnett · 14/12/2025 21:38

Ignore it but if chased for your contribution and finding it hard to say 'no' then I suggest you say you prefer to give your money to your chosen charity than to senior staff earning more than you.
I find the whole business of present giving at work absurd, most people have everything they need.

MemorableLlama · 14/12/2025 21:57

Gifts flow DOWN. This is not acceptable at all.

Laurmolonlabe · 14/12/2025 22:19

No i wouldn't do this- it's entirely your choice if you contribute to a present for your superiors or not- I certainly never have-why would you?
I have seen this tried though- it is usually organised by someone trying to suck up to/ take over from the boss, and usually represented as their gift- hard no.

Lararoft · 14/12/2025 22:30

I’m NHS and we buy our clinical leader a gift each Christmas.. I’ve contributed a fiver as I feel she’s supported me through illness this year. But there’s never any pressure. Then there’s secret Santa which is approx a tenner but a few of us like to opt out and feel comfortable doing so. That’s it generally except for optional contributions towards gifts for anyone leaving/ going on maternity leave.

outerspacepotato · 14/12/2025 22:32

Say no. You don't gift up.

CatLover69 · 14/12/2025 22:44

Absolutely not being unreasonable. If you really feel you have to justify it you can say that there’s lots of expenses at this time of year and it all mounts up, and as such you can’t stretch to it, but I wouldn’t even feel I had to explain. I would just be like, ‘sorry I’m going to pass on contributing to that’.

Nor would I feel bad about it in any way (I’d actually quite enjoy refusing). I’ve done secret santas in the past for £5/£10 for a bit of fun but under absolutely no circumstances am I going to pay money for the privilege of going to work. YANBU.

Theslummymummy · 14/12/2025 23:39

Hettiejane · 13/12/2025 21:45

I can paraphrase it,
Basically one member said the managers have been working hard to support us this year and we should show our thanks, they have said to cover all the people we need to put in £20 each.
Last year I can't remember what we did, likely everyone gave into separate collections for reception and the managers, dont think we collected for the senior management though

Show quote history

Need? Erm no we dont

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 14/12/2025 23:45

This is v weird

Managers are supposed to give the staff gifts, if anything, not the other way

Of course say no, I'd be horrified to know my staff were being strong armed into buying me a present. Bloody hell.

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