Page 3 | £5,200 a month in this situation…

Tamtim · 13/12/2025 23:50

She may well be struggling if her outgoings are high, however, it’s not on you to supplement her. Stop paying for her share of meals and drinks. I used to do the same with friends when I was younger.

shuggles · 13/12/2025 23:50

@IneVan It's called financial incompetence. The vast number of people who are on very high salaries, but are financially struggling, is evidence that intelligence and an understanding of mathematics/money are not needed to be a high earner.

Your friend has found herself in a very high paying job, but it's self-evident that she is not intelligent and does not work hard. Someone who was intelligent and hard-working would not be struggling on that income.

sunshinestar1986 · 14/12/2025 00:15

IneVan · 13/12/2025 20:53

Is absolutely on any analysis at all, NOT a problem.

Single parent, 3 year old who has 30 hours free now.

Am I losing it or is this MORE than ample to live off and live off pretty nicely??!

Maybe she just has anxiety with being a single parent.
When I was single with my first, I always felt anxious.
And maybe she has less social networks.
I remember I used to spend more on deliveries etc
Childcare was always on me.

Now we are slightly better of, it's just that back up I have, presents from dh
Someone else that buys the kids clothes.
We cook daily at home so we save way more than before.
But it's not like I used take advantage, but people feel sorry for single mums lol

No one feels sorry for couples
Even once when my husband was waiting for a job to start, people still thought I was loaded. Thank God he was good with money and had savings!

Babyenroute · 14/12/2025 00:20

How is she getting the 30 hours if has this income?

Bunny44 · 14/12/2025 00:48

Yes I'm pretty much in this situation. This is me. Single parent, 2 YO, late 30s. That's my take home after tax. Yes it's plenty to live off. She might earn over £100k but puts enough into pension to get the free hours. I live in London too. But it does depend on her mortgage.

I don't take free drinks and stuff off my friends or plead poverty. I'm aware a lot of people earn less.

Stravaig · 14/12/2025 00:50

SaltyCara · 13/12/2025 20:57

Which person are you in this scenario?

Imagine the fun to be had as a 3 year old with 30 free hours a week and £5200 a month to spend ...

mummytrex · 14/12/2025 01:35

If the £5200 is her take home salary from her job then she likely doesn't qualify for the 30 hours. Definitely won't qualify for child benefit. If you're in London, nursery can be very expensive. I'm paying circa £2,600 a month. Some nurseries around here are closer to £2,900.

mummytrex · 14/12/2025 01:36

I would say that regardless she shouldn't have allowed you to pay for everything. Whatever her circumstances, she has been very cheeky.

x12 · 14/12/2025 01:54

How is she getting the 30 hours if has this income?

5.2k is under 100k

x12 · 14/12/2025 01:55

And if some of that income is CM then she may get CB as I don’t think CM income is ever imcluded?

custardcreme77 · 14/12/2025 02:28

IneVan · 13/12/2025 21:11

@Run30 i don’t know her mortgage repayments but she’s aiming to have it cleared by 45 (currently 39)

Looks like she’ll achieve that objective if you continue to support her with free drinks, food etc. when you meet up!

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 14/12/2025 02:39

shuggles · 13/12/2025 23:50

@IneVan It's called financial incompetence. The vast number of people who are on very high salaries, but are financially struggling, is evidence that intelligence and an understanding of mathematics/money are not needed to be a high earner.

Your friend has found herself in a very high paying job, but it's self-evident that she is not intelligent and does not work hard. Someone who was intelligent and hard-working would not be struggling on that income.

She is 'clever' enough to con people into subsidising her income though...

I suspect she isn't struggling... She's just a freeloader taking advantage of her friend's kindness...

Bowies · 14/12/2025 03:06

I think I’d have to completely distance from her after this revelation.

She’s taken complete financial advantage of you for years and shown her hand - she is manipulative.

She’s not actually your friend OP.

OonaStubbs · 14/12/2025 03:10

£5200 a month is a huge amount of money and enough for anyone to live on.

MumChp · 14/12/2025 03:12

TiredofLDN · 13/12/2025 21:08

Before or after tax? Because I earn a bit more than that before tax, and am also a single parent of one child, and let me tell you- it doesn’t go far.

Life is not half as expensive, because you are half the number of people in a couple. You pay more tax (because you hit the 40% tax rate- which you wouldn’t if two people were earning half or whatever). You also hit the high income child benefit charge (or did until this year). And you end up paying a premium for stuff for convenience as a single parent, because you are time-poor (in my case very time poor), but can throw a little bit of money at the problem.

i wouldn’t plead poverty, but I don’t have spare money, and I budget every penny.

And yet most people don't have £5200 before a month and have to make it work...
Only in MN £5200 a month is considered a low income.

Sweetpea333 · 14/12/2025 03:46

You're s fucking mug. Stop paying for her. I'd reconsider the friendship too seeing as she's been taking the piss.

iloveeverykindofcat · 14/12/2025 04:44

People on this thread trying to justify how £5,200 a month take home might be tight 😂. Mumsnet is amazing.

Of course YANBU OP. In, you know, the normal world where most of us live and work relatively normal jobs. She might conceivably be wasting £3000 a month, but that's not being poor that's being stupid.

Stop paying for stuff!

Bjorkdidit · 14/12/2025 04:54

So you've effectively been overpaying her mortgage for her.

Sounds like she's 'MN skint' as in she doesn't have enough money to buy the expensive version of everything, save and overpay her mortgage each month'.

I'd be raging and would find it hard not to say anything.

I wonder how many other friends or family she's played the 'struggling single parent' card with?

SweetnsourNZ · 14/12/2025 04:59

UnemployedNotRetired · 13/12/2025 23:39

... and what about any child maintenance she may be getting?

Wonder if she is paying cs. Depends on when she has child and who has the higher income I believe.

Monty27 · 14/12/2025 05:00

FuzzyWolf · 13/12/2025 21:56

If she plans to clear her mortgage within the next five years then she is probably paying a greater percentage of her income on it, which means less disposable income so she probably does feel she doesn’t have any spare money.

It all comes down to different priorities and what people want to allocate their money to. Yes, she could pay her mortgage off over a longer period of time but it’s her choice not to do so.

I did exactly this and I had no maintenance payments coming in because he was fuming I remortgaged and bought him out
He did a bit of Disney dad whilst not contributing to their upkeep.
I was skint, I'd never go out if I couldn't pay my way though.

OwlBeThere · 14/12/2025 05:06

IneVan · 13/12/2025 21:11

@Run30 i don’t know her mortgage repayments but she’s aiming to have it cleared by 45 (currently 39)

Is she or her child disabled? If not that’s impossible.

NewNameforThisPost2025 · 14/12/2025 05:39

IneVan · 13/12/2025 21:05

@readingisallowed well it’s too late. Been doing it for the last 3 years. She’s not so much as given me a gift on my birthday or Christmas, she actually has said she can’t afford it being on her own with the DD. I can’t get over the cheek of it.

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There have been numerous threads on here over the years where people have friends who have pleaded poverty so they have paid for loads of things for them, only to later find out that the "poverty-stricken" were very well-off indeed. I've never met anyone like that, but the tales have made me very wary. Sorry you got caught. Obviously you'll know not to do that again!

Would it make you feel better to confront your friend about it, in a calm way? "Natasha, you've been saying for years how hard-up you are, and now I find out that you take home 5,200, I'm feeling really cross about all those times I paid for you. It's much more than mine and DH's salaries combined. Why did you lead me on like that?"

And see what she says. All I know is that every time I've expressed my feelings to someone, I've felt better and less like a mug. You don't have to be aggressive about it.

If you still want to remain friends with her, I'd do the same back to her. But I would be unsure if I'd still want to remain friends, given that she's been happy to take advantage of you. That's not much of a friend, imo.

HelpMySocksAreTouchingMe · 14/12/2025 06:42

OwlBeThere · 14/12/2025 05:06

Is she or her child disabled? If not that’s impossible.

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What does either of them being disabled have to do with anything?

That literally makes no sense at all.

HygerTyger · 14/12/2025 06:44

IneVan · 13/12/2025 21:05

@readingisallowed well it’s too late. Been doing it for the last 3 years. She’s not so much as given me a gift on my birthday or Christmas, she actually has said she can’t afford it being on her own with the DD. I can’t get over the cheek of it.

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Surely you're going to stop paying for this freeloading friend from now on?

and why on earth have you been paying for her dinner and drinks all these years, broke or not? in my experience when decent people can't afford to go out for dinner and drinks, they socialise or entertain within their means, they certainly don't accept their friends subsidising their social lives. It was always clear this woman was taking advantage of you. Maybe you need to look at why you have been enabling this?

HelenaWaiting · 14/12/2025 06:53

Voted YABU. I'm weary of cryptic opening posts followed by drip feeds.