Is this unseasonably rude?

[Fuzzymuddle33]

Long standing arrangement for a meal at in laws

Tradition that we drive over (45 mins or so) for a take away. It’s usually an easy and gentle catch up.

This year, they’re coming to us Christmas Day anyway but we do exchange presents this pre Christmas weekend because of DH’s aunt and uncle being present.

This year, the weekend coincides with us having my parent’s dog. In laws were well aware of this and after some initial disgruntlement were fine with this.

Late Last night we get messages to say that the dog isn’t welcome, leaving us in a difficult position.

We have our own dog (who was still welcome) but a second dog was considered too much.

I think this is really poor form the night before the occasion.

It was too late for us to make plans for the ‘second’ dog so DH and kids have gone without me.

That’s fine, I didn’t want to ruin everyone’s weekend but just think it’s rude to change the dog rule so close to the event.

I haven’t yet had an apology and fear they’ll think I’m the unreasonable one to not go and just leave the dog with someone/anyone.

I think it’s fine to say no to an unknown dog but poor form not to tell you until this late.

Not rude on your part, they didn’t really leave you with much choice.

Agreed

I'd just forget about it

Yes it’s poor form to leave it so late but I also think it’s poor form when there were initial disgruntment not to have pulled out at that stage.

I don’t think they should be apologising to you as I don’t think they should have been put in that position when they clearly weren’t happy about it in the first place.

It sounds as though you had to badger them into the dog coming right from the start. They should have had the balls to just say no outright back then rather than backtrack last minute, but I imagine we’ve all said a begrudging yes to something we didn’t want to, found ourselves feeling more and more and put upon as the event got closer, and then eventually decided to be firm.

I think your solution was fine, DH and the DC went, you’re doing dog care. A full house including a strange dog in a new and somewhat chaotic environment probably wasn’t a good idea anyway. It is what it is, no apologies needed either side.

I think the initial disgruntlement was ongoing disgruntlement - you thought it was fine, but clearly it wasn't. It's crap to let you know at such short notice of course, but if they had pushed back in the beginning then I think I would have respected that and tried to come up with a new plan. There is such a thing as people feeling badgered into situations. But late notice is rude, I grant you.

I think it's poor form to turn up to a social event with one dog, let alone two

They know the dog. He isn’t a bother. When we were fixing the date I had said if they chose that weekend (rather than next) we would have him.

This! Why can’t the dog just stay at yours alone? It’s a dog?

You shouldn’t have pushed past the “disgruntlement” in the first place, then they wouldn’t have been forced into a corner. They haven’t handled it brilliantly, no, but I imagine you made them very uncomfortable. Probably best to assume that people don’t want to be landed on by a dog they don’t know.

They love our dog and are always asking to keep him longer. They’re both friendly easy dogs.

Why do you think they have said no?

Sometimes people misunderstand people making polite conversation about their pets or children and this is possibly one, but even if they do love your dog they don’t care that your parents have a friendly, easy dog because the DO NOT want it to stay.

The entitlement of some dog owners always astounds me.

Time to stop going above and beyond for them.

Do you host them every year for Christmas Day? I’d stop that.

I’d rather spend a evening at home with the dog than in-laws🤣

Apology for what? It sounds like you put them in a difficult position. You knew they didn’t want the dog there.

'They know the dog' - are they mates with your parents, do they see them and your parents regularly? Even if they meet the dog on a daily basis (unlikely) they expressed sentiments that they were uncomfortable to start with - I would have left it there and made alternative arrangements accordingly.

This. Why are dogs now such a big factor in causing so many family problems. Dogs stay home or you stay home with your dog. Stop putting this upon people. It’s not rude of them to decide this at the last minute, it’s rude of YOU to even think that this was something you could ask anyone.
i grew up with a well loved dog who was with us for 15 years, but it stayed home!

Then they should have said that weeks ago, not the day before.

I bet they expect to be accommodated for Christnas.

They could have a dog of their own for all you know, one which they’re bringing to OP’s for Christmas.

An evening in alone sounds like a result to me. Order your own takeaway and stick a film on.

Late Last night we get messages to say that the dog isn’t welcome

that's rude. your DH should have gone alone, not even with the children.

Fine not to want a dog, but leaving it last minute is making sure you didn't go to, why else waiting so late?

of course it's rude to decide at the last minute! Just tell people from the start, how hard can it be.

You don't leave a dog home alone for too many hours, there's nothing wrong with discussing with family if you come with the dog or not. Bloody rude to advise at the last minute that you don't want the dog.

Was someone else going last minute that wasn’t keen on dogs?

I find it odd that they would say it so last minute!

Definitely rude to be so last minute and I think you did the right thing.

I agree with you apart from leaving the kids at home.

They likely enjoy going and it’s not fair for them to miss out.

Perhaps they should have been given the option and not forced to go.

How long ago did your in-laws find out you were expecting to bring another dog along? Messaging you late last night isn’t that unreasonable if they only found out a few days ago.